To Be or Not To Be...? I'll Take 'Not'. Wait what?

I was on a blind double date with my former roommate Alyce, her husband, Mark, and Mark's friend Sam and the topic of conversation between Sam and I turned at one point to preferences, specifically of the personal nature.

Asked Sam, "So, if there's one thing you could change about yourself, what would it be?"

I thought about it for a moment - of course the first thing that came to my mind was my hip contour, then the unevenness of my eyebrows, and so forth, but as I thought about it further, the more I realized all those things that I would change would change the essence of who I am.

"Nothing."
"Really?  Nothing?"
"Yeah.  I'm actually pretty happy with myself."
"Mmmm..." replies Sam.  "What about other people?  If there's something you could change about one other person, what would you change?"

Heh, that's a whole 'nother can of worms...   I thought about my frustrations with Sean.  Nah.  I thought about mother never apologizing for a thing she's done in her life that's involved me.   Nah. 

"You know, I don't think I'd change anything either."
"Why not?"
"Because then they wouldn't be them.  Changing any of that would mold them into how we want them to be and not allow them to become whatever they're going to choose be naturally."

As much as I get annoyed and frustrated by the small things people will sometimes do, it makes them who they are to me.  It's a nice idea to think about what small or large adjustments we wish we could make to people so they turn out more in line with what we think perfection is or they'd be better off if they just did... (some things are legit though, such as using it as a way to combat Indifference within the human soul).

Thoughts?

Natural Affection

I was sitting in Stake Conference for the BYU 21st Stake a few weeks back and was caught up in one talk in particular that just struck me. The 4th speaker was the Stake's Sunday School President, one Bryan McKinnon, who spoke about traits that do not exist within a Zion-like community or individual. Toward the beginning, he made note of the Apostle Paul's observations regarding "natural affection" from 2 Timothy 3:1-4:

1. This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
2. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blashphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy;
3. Without natural affection...despisers of those that are good.
4. ....lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;*

What resonated with me most was verse 3, the prospect of men being without natural affection. Paul did not expressly outline the definition of "natural affection," but from the passage one may deduce that it is essentially being sans charity, meaning the pure love of Christ, the love that innately starts out within us as the seedling known as the Light of Christ, that gently persuades us to do the good things we do.**  This particular passage reminded me of A Picture of Dorian Gray and Brave New World, which are two of my favorite books because they illustrate what may happen when man does not possess natural affection.

I guess it's the prospect of rampant indifference which disheartened me a little more, as I feel that Indifference is more of a stonewalling emotion, per se - a true lack of natural affection, as there essentially is none. At least with Hate there's the potential for Love to counteract because it's active and fluid, and bridling this passion can eventually lead to Love.  But with Indifference..... that's the silent battle dependent upon agency and counseling with one's Creator. Although, as I've developed this thought, it's come to my attention at how my suggestion for Indifference can be the same for Hate... Yet at the same time, I can't shake the impression that Hate can be helped more than Indifference, at least through the assistance of others. Please, feel free to proffer thoughts...

Wow, this post quickly turned into a downer, didn't it. I guess I better get on with the rest of my thoughts.

I'm not naive enough to not see that Paul's words aren't already occurring in the world, or that it doesn't exist in me to a certain extent.  I do, however, have enough hope in people that they're smart and aware enough to ultimately choose the least destructive paths that are always presented to them.  I mean, look around....  There are people bettering humanity out of the sheer goodness of their hearts because somehow they got the clue a number of us are all missing. Some may not be very consistent, and some may be trying to make up for misdeeds of the past, but the point is is that they're choosing to act upon how I think their natural affection is moving them to do so, which opens them up to some internal remodeling, if you will. (Sorry, I couldn't let this post get away without bringing in at least one health related analogy).

I guess the question then becomes, what more can we do to keep this flow going and prevent humanity from "drying up," if you will?  Brother McKinnon gave some thoughts as to how, and with your permission I'd like to add some others of my own that I've picked up from others along the way:

1. Rededicate yourself to a constructive cause greater than yourself.
2. Modesty in thought, action, self-presentation.
3. "Shelter yourself beneath the roof of self-mastery" (can you tell the good brother's a contractor?)
4. Be honest with yourself and even more so with those with whom you interact.
5. Love  (Trite? Simple?  ... Maybe....  But it's true.  And I DARE you to dispute me on this one)

Until then, we go on being us, I suppose...

*I hope you'll forgive my selective paraphrasing of verses 3 and 4 - verse 2 set the stage well enough, I believe, to be able to highlight the cruxes of those last two verses.

**If that's not enough, from the accepted definitions from Merriam-Webster, "natural" being innate and "affection" being "a gentle feeling of fondness or liking" potentially including "a physical expression of these feelings."

A Word of Advisement to Guys Hoping to Become Gentlemen

Guys..... (Gentlemen, you're excused.)


I know you all have good, good hearts. And you mean well. But when a girl who is pretty by universally agreed upon social standards says she doesn't think she's pretty or looks good in pictures..... she partially means it.

Which also means she partially doesn't mean it at the same time.

It was once common knowledge that pretty much most girls will rarely like candid pictures they're in, and often use the superlative-laden statement... "I never look good...." Maybe its only other women who are attuned to this fact...

At any rate, she probably looks fine, but for whatever reason, in her eyes she doesn't, which is right in line with the way women naturally are. So, while it's a good thing to go above and beyond to make the "doubtful" young lady feel special and to attempt to boost her self-esteem in the photographic sense, anonymously or otherwise, it might be good to be mindful...in theory.... not officially, but in theory.... of what another girl you're potentially dating might think of your efforts for said pretty girl.

...Especially when you barely make an effort to make the girl you're potentially dating feel like she means something to you.

Don't worry boys, I still love you. But please try to be more aware of more than just one person, which I know is hard to do when you're excited. You've had practice of being stewards over multiple people, so this shouldn't be new to you. If it is, come talk to me and I'll write you a Dr's Note.

Things I've noticed about men lately

1. They're just as capable of being as emotionally erratic as women. It's become entertaining to me at how each sex keeps pointing fingers at one another when really we're both doing the same thing just in different ways. Strangely entertaining

2. Poli Sci majors are the most entertaining conversationally, at least for me, because they love to talk about anything, I love to banter, and they're good sports about it.

3. Younger guys have more spirit, but older guys have more maturity and experience. There are a decent amount of pro's and con's to both, and I suppose the advantage goes to whichever trait the situation needs more of.

4. Girls like to dog on science oriented guys, especially physicists, IT, and engineers, for being odd, nerdy, short on emotion and long on awkwardness. While true in many cases, I think I've been spoiled because most of the science-oriented gentlemen I've had the pleasure of knowing are some of my best friends who have the biggest hearts I've yet to know - they're just not as animated as other men, so they often get dismissed as a result. While the case may be made that my present position is secondary to my being a nerdy girl (thereby being on the same plane they are), I'm decently liberal arts oriented, and a girl above all else. I think that alone neutralizes the argument.

5. Men who are serious about dance have a higher incidence of being emotionally vague. I've seen it in two states, spanning multiple cities in both respective locales, and in multiple style-scenes (i.e. ballroom, country, swing, etc). It's hard to be friends when they're trying to decide if they remember you from one week to another, especially if they think they're a better dancer than you. The more skilled ones WILL flirt with any pretty girl, even if they're dating or are interested in someone else, so ladies, keep your wits about you. While I am tonge-in-cheek about this particular observation, it isn't always the case, and I can cite just as many cases for both. Dancers are like engineers, you just need to take them as they are.

6. They're just as scared as women, they're just as quirky as women, and they're just as human as women. Treat them like a human and not like a stereotype.

To be continued...