To Be or Not To Be...? I'll Take 'Not'. Wait what?

I was on a blind double date with my former roommate Alyce, her husband, Mark, and Mark's friend Sam and the topic of conversation between Sam and I turned at one point to preferences, specifically of the personal nature.

Asked Sam, "So, if there's one thing you could change about yourself, what would it be?"

I thought about it for a moment - of course the first thing that came to my mind was my hip contour, then the unevenness of my eyebrows, and so forth, but as I thought about it further, the more I realized all those things that I would change would change the essence of who I am.

"Nothing."
"Really?  Nothing?"
"Yeah.  I'm actually pretty happy with myself."
"Mmmm..." replies Sam.  "What about other people?  If there's something you could change about one other person, what would you change?"

Heh, that's a whole 'nother can of worms...   I thought about my frustrations with Sean.  Nah.  I thought about mother never apologizing for a thing she's done in her life that's involved me.   Nah. 

"You know, I don't think I'd change anything either."
"Why not?"
"Because then they wouldn't be them.  Changing any of that would mold them into how we want them to be and not allow them to become whatever they're going to choose be naturally."

As much as I get annoyed and frustrated by the small things people will sometimes do, it makes them who they are to me.  It's a nice idea to think about what small or large adjustments we wish we could make to people so they turn out more in line with what we think perfection is or they'd be better off if they just did... (some things are legit though, such as using it as a way to combat Indifference within the human soul).

Thoughts?

Natural Affection

I was sitting in Stake Conference for the BYU 21st Stake a few weeks back and was caught up in one talk in particular that just struck me. The 4th speaker was the Stake's Sunday School President, one Bryan McKinnon, who spoke about traits that do not exist within a Zion-like community or individual. Toward the beginning, he made note of the Apostle Paul's observations regarding "natural affection" from 2 Timothy 3:1-4:

1. This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
2. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blashphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy;
3. Without natural affection...despisers of those that are good.
4. ....lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;*

What resonated with me most was verse 3, the prospect of men being without natural affection. Paul did not expressly outline the definition of "natural affection," but from the passage one may deduce that it is essentially being sans charity, meaning the pure love of Christ, the love that innately starts out within us as the seedling known as the Light of Christ, that gently persuades us to do the good things we do.**  This particular passage reminded me of A Picture of Dorian Gray and Brave New World, which are two of my favorite books because they illustrate what may happen when man does not possess natural affection.

I guess it's the prospect of rampant indifference which disheartened me a little more, as I feel that Indifference is more of a stonewalling emotion, per se - a true lack of natural affection, as there essentially is none. At least with Hate there's the potential for Love to counteract because it's active and fluid, and bridling this passion can eventually lead to Love.  But with Indifference..... that's the silent battle dependent upon agency and counseling with one's Creator. Although, as I've developed this thought, it's come to my attention at how my suggestion for Indifference can be the same for Hate... Yet at the same time, I can't shake the impression that Hate can be helped more than Indifference, at least through the assistance of others. Please, feel free to proffer thoughts...

Wow, this post quickly turned into a downer, didn't it. I guess I better get on with the rest of my thoughts.

I'm not naive enough to not see that Paul's words aren't already occurring in the world, or that it doesn't exist in me to a certain extent.  I do, however, have enough hope in people that they're smart and aware enough to ultimately choose the least destructive paths that are always presented to them.  I mean, look around....  There are people bettering humanity out of the sheer goodness of their hearts because somehow they got the clue a number of us are all missing. Some may not be very consistent, and some may be trying to make up for misdeeds of the past, but the point is is that they're choosing to act upon how I think their natural affection is moving them to do so, which opens them up to some internal remodeling, if you will. (Sorry, I couldn't let this post get away without bringing in at least one health related analogy).

I guess the question then becomes, what more can we do to keep this flow going and prevent humanity from "drying up," if you will?  Brother McKinnon gave some thoughts as to how, and with your permission I'd like to add some others of my own that I've picked up from others along the way:

1. Rededicate yourself to a constructive cause greater than yourself.
2. Modesty in thought, action, self-presentation.
3. "Shelter yourself beneath the roof of self-mastery" (can you tell the good brother's a contractor?)
4. Be honest with yourself and even more so with those with whom you interact.
5. Love  (Trite? Simple?  ... Maybe....  But it's true.  And I DARE you to dispute me on this one)

Until then, we go on being us, I suppose...

*I hope you'll forgive my selective paraphrasing of verses 3 and 4 - verse 2 set the stage well enough, I believe, to be able to highlight the cruxes of those last two verses.

**If that's not enough, from the accepted definitions from Merriam-Webster, "natural" being innate and "affection" being "a gentle feeling of fondness or liking" potentially including "a physical expression of these feelings."

A Word of Advisement to Guys Hoping to Become Gentlemen

Guys..... (Gentlemen, you're excused.)


I know you all have good, good hearts. And you mean well. But when a girl who is pretty by universally agreed upon social standards says she doesn't think she's pretty or looks good in pictures..... she partially means it.

Which also means she partially doesn't mean it at the same time.

It was once common knowledge that pretty much most girls will rarely like candid pictures they're in, and often use the superlative-laden statement... "I never look good...." Maybe its only other women who are attuned to this fact...

At any rate, she probably looks fine, but for whatever reason, in her eyes she doesn't, which is right in line with the way women naturally are. So, while it's a good thing to go above and beyond to make the "doubtful" young lady feel special and to attempt to boost her self-esteem in the photographic sense, anonymously or otherwise, it might be good to be mindful...in theory.... not officially, but in theory.... of what another girl you're potentially dating might think of your efforts for said pretty girl.

...Especially when you barely make an effort to make the girl you're potentially dating feel like she means something to you.

Don't worry boys, I still love you. But please try to be more aware of more than just one person, which I know is hard to do when you're excited. You've had practice of being stewards over multiple people, so this shouldn't be new to you. If it is, come talk to me and I'll write you a Dr's Note.

Things I've noticed about men lately

1. They're just as capable of being as emotionally erratic as women. It's become entertaining to me at how each sex keeps pointing fingers at one another when really we're both doing the same thing just in different ways. Strangely entertaining

2. Poli Sci majors are the most entertaining conversationally, at least for me, because they love to talk about anything, I love to banter, and they're good sports about it.

3. Younger guys have more spirit, but older guys have more maturity and experience. There are a decent amount of pro's and con's to both, and I suppose the advantage goes to whichever trait the situation needs more of.

4. Girls like to dog on science oriented guys, especially physicists, IT, and engineers, for being odd, nerdy, short on emotion and long on awkwardness. While true in many cases, I think I've been spoiled because most of the science-oriented gentlemen I've had the pleasure of knowing are some of my best friends who have the biggest hearts I've yet to know - they're just not as animated as other men, so they often get dismissed as a result. While the case may be made that my present position is secondary to my being a nerdy girl (thereby being on the same plane they are), I'm decently liberal arts oriented, and a girl above all else. I think that alone neutralizes the argument.

5. Men who are serious about dance have a higher incidence of being emotionally vague. I've seen it in two states, spanning multiple cities in both respective locales, and in multiple style-scenes (i.e. ballroom, country, swing, etc). It's hard to be friends when they're trying to decide if they remember you from one week to another, especially if they think they're a better dancer than you. The more skilled ones WILL flirt with any pretty girl, even if they're dating or are interested in someone else, so ladies, keep your wits about you. While I am tonge-in-cheek about this particular observation, it isn't always the case, and I can cite just as many cases for both. Dancers are like engineers, you just need to take them as they are.

6. They're just as scared as women, they're just as quirky as women, and they're just as human as women. Treat them like a human and not like a stereotype.

To be continued...

Lessons Learned from "Wuthering Heights"

I should be ashamed of myself... but I'm not. Yes, I will be reviewing this story based on the film version I recently tortured myself with.

1. One Bronte no equally the other. As much as I HATED reading Jane Eyre as a freshman in high school, I've decided that classic books of which I abhor the writing, I just need to watch the film version - so much more palatable than page-long run-on sentences that abuse the semicolon. Significance? I finally understood the story! It opened up the real world of Jane Eyre which I hadn't seen during my first introduction that I ended up absolutely loving the tale. So what happens when I run into Wuthering Heights? I watch the film version...and about stab myself because instead of run-on sentence abuse, there's the "Young and the Restless" of the 19th Century. Ironic juxtaposition, but I think the latter Bronte was crying out for help (maybe after actually reading her sister's story - she needed the film version).

2. Never date guys named Heathcliff - crazy name = crazier men, and crazier men revenge is a (insert your favorite negative adjective).

3. Self control is a good thing. I think if Kathy had had a little chit chat with Dorian Gray prior to her betrayal, she could have gleaned what happens when we throw our emotions around to whomever is in front of us. (and yes, I know those two books weren't contemporaries of one another).

4. Simple communication could have solved all of their problems, and cut this book down to a Cliffnotes sized pamphlet, or shorter.

When Reality Tempers Projections

The title of this sounds a great deal more dour than I intended, but it is what it is. My thoughts tonight were prompted by somethings I've observed and heard over the past few weeks at my clinical site.

My CI is co-owner of the chain of clinics I'm working at presently and he works very hard to promote their offices. He often tells me that a P.T. wears multiple hats, and being in his position, if they want to stay in business, he has to attend meetings, address this, address that, and work every connection he has to keep his referral base up.

I've been particularly interested in my CI and how he balances all of his hats (hat fetish potentially contributing - chew on that one if you know me that well) because I've considered co-owning a clinic in the future. This is the plan I've been telling everyone until today when the Lead Aide (who should be a therapist, in my opinion (don't worry, she's applying)) said something during a break as she was transferring the daily notes into the computer. She and I were discussing some things that need to be brought up to the other aides and how they need to come from my CI (being the head honcho), "but he's never here" she bemoaned.

This got me thinking.

It was kinda true. My CI is scant at times, though he's usually pretty good about being in the office. However, there are days he comes in late when we're short-handed from an "authoritative" and resource standpoint (only one other staff therapist at this particular clinic, and I'm not trained to administer ASTYM, which a good portion of our patients receive). This got me thinking about my last clinical rotation where the clinic owner (also a practicing P.T.) didn't take a steady caseload because she was always on the phone with people, traveling, or presenting.

Now there may come a time when I'll want to phase more out of the patient care realm and more into administrative (potentially another projection that may get tempered by reality), but not now or anytime soon. I like being in the fox holes too much at the present - that's where I instinctively want to be. I am a healer, not a desk jockey. Not to suggest that those in administrative roles don't have a large hand in healing (I mean, who else fights the bureaucratic battles that allows the fox holers to do what they do best), and I'd be lying if I said that I don't have a tendency to pick fights to allow those coming after me a chance to get their hands dirty... Everyone has their strengths, but mine is not playing nicely with PR. I'll probably eat those words later.

I'm also the type of person who has been thrown into so many situations that I think I can do everything, and do it right. However, my thinking has changed and it'll probably be a lot longer if and when I ever decide to co-own a clinic with someone. Funny how oft times we either voluntarily or are forced to make premature decisions and hope they pan out like we hope they ought to. There are lessons always to be learned, whether or not we get our ideal or dream situation, as no education is ever wasted. Guess that's the beauty about the dance that is life.

Cracked.com summary of Twilight

Edited for language and some content from the original article, which was obviously written by a man, which makes it all that much more funny.  Everything below the dotted line is from Cracked.com (http://www.cracked.com/funny-36-twilight/)
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The 'Twilight' series contains four books about a dreamy vampire and the charmingly klutzy girl who loves him. It was written by Stephanie Meyer, presumably on the back of a trapper keeper while she was still in high school.




Just The Facts

1. Too many people take these books seriously.
2. Taken together, the series is the 'Manos: The Hands of Fate' of literature.
3. Either because they love comedy or hate themselves, the winners of this week's Topics Page Contest read every word of the entire series.

Our Protagonists

The books tell the story of the vampire Edward Cullen, who is described as an "Adonis" no more than every time the author is able to, and Bella Swan, a "plain" girl who reads "serious" literature like Wuthering Heights because she's so intelligent. Also, she is much more advanced than the students in the school that she has just moved to, but that's okay, because she makes up for it by being clumsy, since every well-developed character needs exactly one (1) flaw.

Stylistic Choices

Stephanie Meyer's exemplary writing style is demonstrated in this conversation between Edward and our narrator Bella:

"Aren't you hungry?" he asked, distracted.

"No." I didn't feel like mentioning that my stomach was already full - full of butterflies.


Book One: Twilight



Despite being so plain, Bella is admired by everyone in her new hometown of Forks, Washington, especially Edward Cullen. Originally, Edward just wanted to eat her, but, disappointingly, realizes eventually that in fact what he is feeling is true love, and after a couple of days they start dating. After two or three weeks, Bella is begging him to turn her into a vampire because of true love.

This isn't made explicitly clear in the book, but Edward has been creeping into her room and watching her sleep every night since he met her. More on that later.

Also, Edward has mind-reading powers, except they don't work on Bella. This isn't really as big a part of the story as most people think it is, and in fact we can (and will) get away without ever mentioning it again.

A mere number of days after they begin dating, Edward takes her to the woods and reveals the real reason that vampires don't go out in the sun: they sparkle. This is the turning point in what until now has been just a bad book. Bella gasps and swoons, and Edward takes his shirt off to show her all of his glitter infection, and then they lie there chastely on the grass. The rest of the book is spent talking about true love and Edward's rock-hard abs. Kissing cold, marble, statuesque lips is apparently sexy.

Later, Bella kisses Edward so hard he almost "loses control", but luckily, as the man in the relationship, it's his duty to keep poor little overexcited Bella in line, so he tells her to stop kissing him.

Three hundred pages after "Oh, you like me too? No way, I thought you hated me!", the plot arrives late to the party, drunk, in a beat-up '53 Chevy pick-up truck. It drives away about fifty pages later and crashes into a tree, gets sent to the hospital, and is rarely heard from again throughout the course of the series.


Book Two: New Moon



Book Two begins with Bella angsting about reaching the old age of eighteen, which she worries will make her some sort of cradle-snatching freak because her boyfriend Edward is eternally seventeen. The fact that a 109-year-old vampire is sexually interested in an emotionally immature girl 90 years his junior apparently doesn't bother her. Edward cheers up Bella by giving her a mix tape. Unfortunately, later Edward changes his mind, takes back the mix tape, and dumps Bella. He leaves her in the forest by herself, and being a woman and thus without a sense of direction, she gets lost and almost dies.

Bella spends the rest of the book going crazy, imagining Edward's voice and partaking in ever more self-destructive activities. During this time she befriends Jacob Black, who turns out to be a werewolf but is still way better for her than Edward. She finally regains Edward's attention after she deliberately jumps off a cliff and almost dies. Edward, being a thirteen-year-old girl, thinks Bella has died and goes to Italy to commit suicide. He attempts to do this by exposing himself to the sun at noon in an Italian town. Since sunlight doesn't actually harm Twilight vampires, one must assume that Edward is hoping some macho Italians will see him in at full sparkle and beat him to death for being [...].

Bella teams up with Edward's sister Alice to rescue her ex from his emoness. After a crazy mix up that finds Bella and Edward temporarily in an Anne Rice novel, Edward reaccepts her.

This novel thus teaches two important lessons to young girls everywhere:

1) If a guy dumps you and says he doesn't love you anymore, he doesn't mean it. All you have to do is beg and destroy your life to prove that you really love him, and he'll come right back and love you even more!

2) It is perfectly cool to string along innocent but decent guys who are crushing on you and then dump them immediately as soon as your ex-boyfriend reappears, and totally normal if said ex-boyfriend forbids you from seeing your old friend. After all, your love for your ex must be far stronger, because he makes you feel 'alive' and 'dangerous' since he's always on the verge of killing you. And stalking you. We can't really mention that enough.


Book Three: Eclipse

The plot revolves around a villain from the first book, who is stalking Bella. But this is just a background to the real plot, which is about Edward stalking Bella. The book focuses on the choice Bella must make between Jacob Black and Edward Cullen, two tall, good-looking, devoted men with cool supernatural abilities. This is exactly the kind of problem that normal women face every day.

Halfway through, Stephenie Meyer realizes that Jacob Black is far cooler than Edward and performs a quick character assassination by having him [take advantage of] her. Bella punches him and runs away, but later discovers she loves him, which teaches us more lessons:

1) If a girl says she doesn't love you, just keep sexually assaulting her. Eventually she'll realize she likes it.

2) Leading two guys on for years because you 'love them both' is perfectly acceptable, as long as you feel really bad about it at some point.


All through this we learn more about more secondary characters, who like Alice and Jacob are far more interesting than either Edward or Bella. These include:

1) Edward's sister Rosalie, who performed a massacre that sounds like Kill Bill with vampires. Kill Bill! With vampires!!!

2) Edward's brother Jasper, who is old enough to have fought for the South, and used to take part in vampire turf wars. Vampire turf wars!!!!!!!!!

Normal Vampire Turf Wars:



Twilight Vampire Turf Wars:



Unfortunately, we only get about five pages each on these guys. This gives us more space for Bella and Edward to stare into each others' eyes and quote from Wuthering Heights, in a good example of the old 'mask the inadequacies of your own work by quoting from someone who could actually write' method.

Also, Bella thinks about vampires some more.

"It was childish, but I liked the idea that his lips would be the last good thing I would feel. Even more embarrassingly, something I would never say aloud, I wanted his venom to poison my system."

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Bella Swan: eighteen and already looking forward to death, she is the perfect role model for your young teenage girl. After an unintentionally hilarious end battle Bella and Edward decide to get married, bringing us to the end of yet another 700 pages without any [rolls in the hay].

Breaking Dawn: The One With The Vampire [Consummation of Marriage].

The newly-married Bella and Edward embark on their honeymoon, where Bella spends a lot of time getting Edward to make love to her. We like to think that he is afraid of this partly because he is afraid of hurting her with his super-strength.

There's also some blatant foreshadowing right around the time that the "Denali clan" is mentioned. Apparently it's illegal for vampires to have babies (and it's supposed to be impossible anyway) and if that rule is ever broken, the Italian Mafia Vampires from the second book will swoop down and kill the baby vampire and its family. Then Bella has a dream about a baby vampire sitting on a pile of deadified everyone-she-cares-about. We imagine that Meyer's editor had to cross out the "DUN DUN DUN" in the original manuscript.

Around this point, the reader is shocked and disturbed to find out that Stephenie Meyer is actually using vampirism to weave quite a skillful metaphor for adolescent fears about love and physical intimacy. Bella loves Edward so much that she is willing to give up her life for him. This desire, which seems unhealthy at first glance, is only possible because of her absolute trust in the fact that he would never willingly hurt her.

Before all that, though, Edward and Bella have another one of their annoying arguments. Vampires, especially Edward because he's so special, are supposed to be super-strong and primal, and Bella wants to have sex with Edward before he turns her into a vampire. Edward thinks it will hurt Bella. Bella says she doesn't care. We skip a couple pages.

Right before they have sex, Meyer remembers that she's writing out her fantasies for an audience now, and so she abruptly pulls a PG-13 "fade-to-black", disappointing any male Twilight fans who were hoping for a closer look at [Bella].

When Bella wakes up, she is covered in feathers because the sex was so rough and passionate that Edward bit a pillow. Then Edward points out that Bella is covered in bruises. She brushes off his concern and then the two of them whine about how unhappy they are now because they've made each other unhappy by being unhappy, and then we kind of stopped reading for a couple of minutes. But we learned a few more things:

1) It doesn't matter if he hurts you

2) He only did it because he loves you.

Excluding all the questionable sex, you might start to think that maybe this book isn't an entirely bad influence on teenage girls, with its 'don't go to bed with anyone unless he has proven that he loves you' message. And then Stephenie Meyer takes that trust, uses it to get your address and credit card numbers, and then breaks into your house and poisons your dog.

Long story short: Bella gets pregnant. It goes downhill from there.

After a bunch of vampire/werewolf crap that nobody cares about, Jacob, Edward and Edward's sister all gather around Bella waiting for Edward's doctor father to return so that he can help her birth the fast-growing demon spawn. Bella has one [fetching] job, which is to not mess up until the doctor arrives. Being an adorably klutzy flawed heroine, she can't manage it. She trips on her way to the bathroom, and the reader is treated to the sound of the placenta displacing (a 'muffled ripping sound'--thanks for the image, Meyer) and a description of Bella's bladder releasing, racehorse-like urine flowing down her legs and onto the floor and - oh wait, this is a Stephenie Meyer novel, so the heroine only does more delicate things. Like 'vomiting a fountain of blood'. No, we didn't make that part up.


With the baby suffocating, Edward & Co. decide to perform a vampire cesarean. Jacob takes some time off to write down 'Vampire Cesarean' as a possible future name for his punk band, and then races to Bella's side in time to hear her spine break.

Once again, we are not making this up.

Another shattering crack inside her body, the loudest yet... Her legs, which had been curled up in agony, now went limp, sprawling out in an unnatural way.

"Her spine," he choked in horror.

It's only implied, but we like to think Edward tries to cheer Bella up about the whole paralysis thing by saying 'Hey girl, at least we don't need an epidural!' Bella gurgles some more, and Jacob takes some time out of the birthing to randomly beat up Edward's sister. That's just how Jacob rolls. At some point, Edward rips open Bella's uterus and delivers the baby.

He rips open her uterus.

With his teeth.

Then stabs her with a vampire venom-filled syringe.

At this point the reader is filled with something not unlike calm relief. At least nothing, nothing in the world, could be more disturbing than this. Except, like, quasi-child porn or something. Luckily, of course, that would be entirely--

Then Jacob falls madly in love with the newborn baby girl.

No, we don't mean in the sense of 'Oh, I fell in love with that kitten the moment I saw it'. We mean in love love. Really, what we're trying to say--and let us know if you don't understand--is that Jacob the borderline rapist and the tiny baby vampire chest-burster are going to get married and have babies.

What Jacob did, Meyer explains, was "imprint" on the baby. Imprinting, in the Twilight universe, is what happens when a werewolf finds his soulmate. It means that the two of them are now destined to be together, no matter what. What if the girl is unwilling at first? Too bad, because she isn't any more! It's the psychic equivalent of GHB.

We must have misunderstood, though, because we found this quote from the author:

"They ended up being vampires in the way they are because I have strong opinions on free will. No matter what position you're in, you always have a choice. So I had these characters who were in a position where traditionally they would have been the bad guys, but, instead, they chose to be something different-a theme that has always been important to me."

Apparently Jacob is choosing to be a pedophile.

Meanwhile, newly de-babied Bella wakes up and describes being a vampire, which to us sounds an awful lot like being on shrooms.

"The brilliant light overhead was still blinding-bright, and yet I could plainly see the glowing strands of the filaments inside the bulb. I could see each color of the rainbow in the white light, and, at the very edge of the spectrum, an eighth color I had no name for. Behind the light, I could distinguish the individual grains in the dark wood ceiling above. In front of it, I could see the dust motes in the air, the sides the light touched, and the dark sides, distinct and separate. They spun like little planets, moving around each other in a celestial dance."

She then stared at her hands for forty minutes and announced "The real person is like, beneath the skin, dude."

Then there is explicit vampire sex. Well, not really, of course, because it's Twilight. We do, though, get the next 300 pages of sparkly boredom briefly livened up by Edward's brother Emmett implying that Edward is unable to satisfy his new wife. Edward reacts to this by playing the piano and wearing khakis, because that proves that he's straight.

Meanwhile, Bella has been transformed into the most beautifulest sparkly vampire lady ever omg!!!11! Everyone comments on how beautiful she's become, because just when you thought this book was already its own fan-fiction the author changes her Mary Sue character into a... well, we're not even sure where you go from there. Also, Bella names her child Renesmee, after her mother Rene and Edward's "mother" Esmee. Renesmee immediately sets out to be one of the creepiest things ever, and it's only made worse when everyone talks about how perfect she is.

Originally the Cullens are afraid that Vampire Bella will escape and eat people, but she proves to be remarkably compassionate and able to control herself more than any vampire ever because she is a special snowflake. Also on her first "hunt" she wears a cocktail dress, and she is able to do that because it is sexy and she is so in control of herself and totally not klutzy. We guess characters don't have to be flawed to be interesting, then, although we wouldn't know because we started falling asleep at about this point.

Anyway, Jacob is left to take care of the creepy daughter while Edward and Bella just run around and do whatever. Bella is furious when she finds out that he's nicknamed the little monster "Nessie", which we think is actually a really appropriate name. Bella does not seem to care that Jacob the Pedophile Date Rapist Werewolf is babysitting the Little Loch Ness Monster Vampire Baby from Hell.

Finally something happens, in the form of the Italian Vampire Mafia from the second book swooping down in order to kill the vampire baby and its family. SURPRISE! Curiously, although one of the vampires actually mentions the fact that modern weapons are effective against immortals, the Cullens forego stocking up on rocket launchers and instead decide to take a stand using only their vicious vampire fangs as weapons.



Oh, wait.

At this point, Edward's cooler siblings Alice and Jasper are like 'WTF, we are OUT of here' and run away to start a new life. The remaining vampires team up with the pedowolves for a glorious, bloody fight against the evil powers of vampire oppression, a vampiredammerung that lasts hundreds of pages and puts the most epic of Tolkien battles to blushing shame.



As well it should, because a lot of the vampires have special powers, like the X-Men. We know, you didn't think this story was going to be awesome, and you're so wrong, because--

The Cullens sit down with the Mafia Vampires and talk about their feelings for a while. The Mafia back down without a fight and head back to Anne Rice land, and Edward and Bella kiss. Also, Jacob has made Renesmee a bracelet. Did we mention that Renesmee somehow is going to grow rapidly to seventeen and then stop growing? Jacob is going to marry her, and she will be permanently underage.

[What the heck], Meyer.

Book Five: Midnight Sun (unreleased)

Midnight Sun is Twilight, but told from Edward's point of view. It's a disappointment. Not so much because it's bad, but because you find out exactly how many times Bella was close to being eaten. Also because of the breaking-into-her-room-every-night-to-watch-her-sleep-without-her-knowing thing. And you thought we were joking about the stalking.

Several other interesting things revealed in Midnight Sun:

* Edward's brother Jasper is actually a barely restrained killing machine who several times offers to kill Bella simply because she's bothering Edward. He therefore gets about four lines before we go back to Edward playing his piano.
* Up until he fell in love with Bella, Edward's sister Rosalie thought that he 'wasn't interested in girls at all'. So did we, Rosalie. So did we.
* Edward is fascinated by Bella because he can't read her thoughts. This phenomenom is apparently genetic, because Edward can't hear her father Charlie's thoughts either. Rumors of a future book involving a forbidden Edward/Charlie romance are so far unconfirmed.

Apart from this, the most interesting thing about the book is that the word 'chagrin' is used once every 29.3 pages. This record is broken only by Stephenie Meyer's latest book, released in April 2009 and entitled simply 'Chagrin Topaz Sparkles'.


Controversies

Alleged Sexism

Stephenie Meyer, the series' author, has been criticized for her portrayal of a weak, helpless female lead who falls madly in love with a man who wants to kill her. Others disagree and claim that the relationship has fair precedent, citing the common practice of marriages to incarcerated serial killers and the notorious original ending to the movie Terminator. This idea has been backed up by legions of the books' fans, prompting others of the female persuasion to attempt to forcibly remove their extra X chromosome.

Robert Pattinson

Unaware of the popularity of the book series or the insanity of its fanbase, the young actor signed on to play Edward Cullen in a three-movie contract deal in order to hit on to the lead actress. When he found out his mistake, Pattinson took to insulting the book and its author in interviews and appearing in public after long periods of not showering in order to avoid his fans. Of course, this didn't work. There is widespread speculation as to what Pattinson will try next, including possibly gaining 200 pounds and smearing his face with human excrement. We assume that Pattinson's agents are currently negotiating a deviation from the book in the second movie, in which Edward Cullen is unexpectedly killed by Lord Voldemort.

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The Quote Board:

Quotes taken from friends and various forms of media that I just love. Enjoy.

"Friendly and humanitarian
Honest and loyal
Original and inventive
Independent and intellectual"


"You are a naughty word!" - Jen Nordyke

"Don't play me like I don't know you and what you're capable of." - Taylor Nuttall in ref to our Scrabble game.

"I'm not going to let you bust my bubble with facts and knowledge." - Dale Friesen "My grammar isnt sucks." "well you mind his mind and I'll drive 26 hours and take care of his behaviour." "I am respectful, but it's not something I "be""

[Dedicated photographers] make luck a consistent part of their work by being at the right place at the right moment, being technically proficient and able to anticipate, translate and use the light to their purposes. - paraphrase of a statement by Galen Rowell

"Humility is the realization that not everything that happens in life is all about you." - Rabbi Kushner

"Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is no longer an option." - PJ O'Rourke

"Rudeness is a weak man's imitation of strength" - Eric Hoffer

"Is not general incivility the very essence of love?" - Jane Austen

"Charrrred fing-aaahhs" - Crow T. Robot, MST3K's "Manos, Hands of Fate"

"Learning doesn't always feel good." - Dr. Lebec

"I look at patients like a campsite....I leave them exactly the way I found them." - Dr. Warren

"I believe the best test of our integrity and honesty is when we personally enforce in our own lives that which ultimately cannot be enforced." - David A. Bednar

"Is it bad if you can't see?" - Holly calling me after her..."accident"

"Hey, we're not baking cookies, coach." - PJ Rovinelli

"I read about it on the internet" - one of Dylan Westfall's main modes of information.

"Yeah, if it works, it works really well, but if it doesn't, then you end up playing with two sticks." - Dylan Westfall

"I didn't get shot, the bullet just ended up there. Why do you laugh? I bet McPOIL doesn't have stories about getting shot!" - Dr. Warren

"Hey, just out of curiosity, were you ever shot?" Kate to Dr. McPoil

"It's old. Old, old, old. It's got pillars and old things" - Dr. Warren describing Johns Hopkins.

"Life's good, huh?" - McPoil

"It's a cute little muscle" - Dr. Cornwall

"He's not a world class athlete like the cameraman." - Dr. DeRosa covering for Jim Porterfield

"Logic says..." - McKenzie via DeRosa

"Walking has been associated with social acceptance" - Dr. Carter

"That stuff takes so long! It leaves you standing in the bathroom, naked, with nothing to do." - Holly Goodman, venting about a special shampoo.

"Oxygen delivery is the delivery of oxygen" - Dr. Warren

"then we made out like bandits because bandits make out a lot with each other in a very banditly fashion. yeah add that one to your quote wall[!]" - James Taylor

"I don't really feel like teaching yet, so I'll ease you into this story." - Dr. Lebec

"And by 'we', I mean me and the slide." - Dr. Ganley

"And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once." - Friedrich Nietzsche.

Jen: "Seriously... today she call me out of the blue this was our conversation..."
Kate: (laughs)
Jen:
"Hello.
Jen, it's me Lilly.
Hi Lilly
I love you jen
I love you too Lilly
Jen please come to my house tomorrow.
I can't I have to work
I'm more important so you need to"
Kate: (laughs even more)
"I think that should be one of our conversaitons."
Jen: "For sure!!!
Hello?
Kate it's me jen
Hi jen
Please come to my house soon
I have to work
Kate I'm more important please come!"

Dr. Lydgate: "If I could reveal something about the primitive tissue that underlies all life - you, me, a song thrush, Rosamond Vincy - that's what excites me, Farebrother."
Farebrother: "Have you told her this?"
Dr. Lydgate: "Oh no, of course not, she's a woman." - From George Eliot's "Middlemarch"

"I keel you!" - Ahkmed

"That's just my style - JAAAZZZYYYYYY" - Jake Lashot...

Direct transcript of an exchange I recently had with Sean Varga who was calming a 6 wk old child:

Kate: has he been fed? diaper changed? have you tried walking him?
Sean: yep....in law gave t[o] me because everything else failled
Kate: when's his bed time?
Sean: he won't sleep. he woke up from bed time, and is now thinking me as one to lactate. that feels weird"

"sick! wallpaper is satins way of adding sin to walls.
wall papers= eternal damnation" - Mo.

"Sometimes, there are things that aren't meant to be explained by words and reasoning, but are felt and understood just the same."

"Intelligence isn't a crime, it's a gift with a heavy price."

"Mark Twain said, 'the height of vanity is to try to write before you have ever lived', it is very refreshing, for me, to have a moment with someone that is not afraid to do both." - Brian, a photography acquaintance

"One day you will find someone to love you as you deserve." - Lady Russell from the new BBC version of "Persuasion"

"I'm mentally obese..." H. Nathan Hoffman
"Did you notice I'm balancing on the ball? That's provocative. Think about it."

"So I was like...hey..." - Megan Garcia

"But you tell me if he mistreats you in any way!! 'cause his ass will be grass!!" - Melissa Arizola

"Kate, just because there is a goalie, doesn't mean you can't score. ;-)" - JJ Campbell

"The Red Wings are the New York Yankees of hockey. I hate them" - Dale Friesen

"Really, mother, banana pudding without vanilla waffers is just another of your culinary abortions [pushes the bowl off his high chair] Now clean that up." - Stewie from Family Guy.

"Well ain't this place just a geographical oddity - two weeks from everywhere" - O Brother, Where Art Thou

Reminiscence

I was recently conversing with a friend about her particular situation with the men in her life and something she said struck me in an odd way. In reference to the favorite of her "options," as she termed it, she quite flatly said "I know he'll break my heart" because of what she sensed as indifference toward her emanating from him. I honestly didn't know how to respond to her declaration (I mean, I'm a hopeful/optimistic person, and for her sake I wanted to be reassuring). It was one of those weird situations, I guess, where you have to be the individual in question in order to fully understand the whole issue, and I got the sense that she truly meant what she said. It broke my own heart to a small degree as the gravity of the scene sunk in, somehow causing my temporal lobe to remind me of the first time my heart was broken by a boy I loved. (And also by strange happenstance, "Un bel di vedremo" from Madame Butterfly just popped up on my playlist - how appropo).

No... you read that right - I did truly love once. Yes, it may be hard to believe coming from a virgin-lipped 25 yr old, but physical displays of affection aren't necessarily indicative of what's occurring between two people. Not going to lie, it'd be nice, but not requisite. I was young, about 18...and I was lead down a wonderful, yet torturous path that taught me a great deal about myself that I never thought possible. Even now, it still pangs a little, but the sting and throb have long since subsided and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I guess if I had to say something to my friend, in retrospect, it would be, "Be brave." The joys and pains from the attachments we make in this life are special, as they teach us, mold and refine us. They concurrently show us our frailties and our strengths, and the true power of that crazy little thing called Love. A newly broken heart is an oddly useful thing, as I sit here and reminisce about it. Yes, it's painful, horrid, and dirty, but it's the badge of honor worn by those unafraid to give of themselves, dedicated to a cause they were truly invested in.

I wish I could say that I'm always fearless when I approach new potential relationships now, but even though I can't (yes, I still get scared, second-guess myself and HIM, go through brief flares of jealous anger followed by quiet self-reproach, the whole gambit), I know that wounds do heal and that with each "failure" comes a rededication to a cause higher than oneself.

Hm...

Maybe I should have my heart broken more regularly....

The Struggle of Modesty

Modesty is a topic that I don't think is ever given the consideration it deserves. Honestly, when you think of modesty, I dare someone to please tell me their thoughts include MORE than just long-length clothing. As with most things, there's a spirit of the law in addition to the letter of the law, which I believe stems from love.

If you love yourself, you'll respect yourself. Respect for self doesn't involved wearing the least amount of fabric possible, yes, but moving past that, it takes in thought, word, and action. (And I'll ask you to think a little broader than the common defininition of "humble"). It sends a clarion call for a higher degree of propriety from the individual, to be exhibited by respect for self, others, and social decency.

This post will remain brief for the time being, but clothing is just the beginning, my friends. Like most things superficially simple, underneath extends a labyrinth of deeper considerations and effects. So ponder on that, and in the mean time, let me know your thoughts, both con as well as pro.

Face time

I was planning on musing about modesty this week, but in light of recent events, all I shall say is this.

Life is too short to live by pretenses. You know you've been thinking about calling someone, be it a loved one or a friend... just call them this week. Genuine love and caring, regardless of whether or not you think it's awkward, is still genuine love and caring.

It doesn't matter. Yeah, they may chide or ridicule you, but it'll be better than if you didn't call at all. I promise.

Much lub this week =)

The Joys of Horsemanship

Recently I noticed a friend of mine's Facebook status that mentioned she had recently gone horseback riding and how good it felt to be back in the saddle. I was jealous. Enviously jealous. I love riding and it's been about 2 years since I've been in the saddle myself and I miss it dearly. But it got me thinking about riding and all of the benefits that come from it. Although, in the immortal words of my friend, Brad Fox, "But I can do ____ and get the same result and it's so much easier," there is a bit of an expense but if you look across the time v. money spectrum, you'd be hard pressed to find something that didn't "cost" you something somewhere.

Riding is a terrific activity for people of all ages, whether you dream of competing for an international dressage title, intercollegiate equestrian teams, showing locally, or are content with the recreational aspects. It goes without question, though, that the horse is one of the main athletic competitors in the ring. However, just as a pitcher and catcher create an indispensable “battery unit” in baseball, the same goes for a horse and his rider in equestrian events. One cannot perform properly without the other, especially when the fitness of both parties is involved. While the physical condition of the horse is specifically focused upon for obvious reasons, the training of a rider in preparation to exercise, practice, and compete must not be overlooked.

The especial unity of horse and rider depends on both being alert and prepared. An integrally important part of that preparation stems from being physically fit. Beginning riders will note (and more experienced ones will fondly remember) this, particularly after leaving the stables with sore thighs and rears from trying to maintain a sitting trot or the initial awkwardness of the posting rhythm.

Here are a few suggestions to develop physical fitness:

• At the base of any fitness program is the need for energy. Just as a sluggish mount hinders the workout and learning process, so will a sluggish horseman, and thus a proper nutrition regiment must be implemented. Physicians, dietitians, the U.S Food and Drug Administration (http://www.fda.gov) and the recently redeveloped U.S. Department of Agriculture’s food pyramids (http://www.mypyramid.gov) are extremely helpful in outlining individual nutritional needs.

• Good flexibility is needed when performing any athletic activity (equestrian included). Flexibility aids in preventing injuries to joint capsules and muscle strains when doing sudden, forceful motions. This is especially true in mounting in regards to the knee joint, as well the hamstring, quadricep, and calf muscles in providing the ability to create more power and ease when pulling up into the saddle. Increasing flexibility thru slow, sustained stretching reduces the frequency and likelihood of strained muscles and some knee problems that may develop. It is important to note that stretching proves most beneficial when performed after a brief, proper warm-up.

• Muscular strength plays an important role when doing such activities as mounting, posting, and balancing and stabilizing on stirrups and a moving horse. Yes, gripping the saddle can help in some circumstances, but muscles are the main workers. Strength is the ability to exert a force, and is accomplished through contraction of muscle tissue. The types of muscle contractions involved with equestrian activities are concentric (actively shortening of the muscle), eccentric (actively lengthening of the muscle), and isometric (actively contracting without movement). Concentric and eccentric contractions are examples of what happens in muscles during posting and isometric contractions help with stabilization. Strength training increases lean body mass (muscle, organs, water, bones, essential fat, etc), and increases the working potential of muscles. Fundamentally, muscular strength has its foundations in core exercises, such as bench press and power cleans, and fine-tuned with supplementary exercises, such as sit-ups and inner thigh (adductor) cross overs.

• While working on core exercises, though, it is important for riders to develop their core stability to aid in not only their strength workout, but more so to aid in dynamic balancing and posture while on horseback. The core of the body, defined as the lumbo-pelvic-hip complex, is considered to be where our center of gravity resides, and where most body movements begin. A strong, but flexible core gives the body a more balanced dynamic base from which to draw its movements, ergo why it’s critical for riders to develop and improve it. Basic core stabilizing exercises can be accomplished with and without a medicine ball. A medicine ball is good to have to improve dynamic muscle stabilization, and increase the reaction of muscle contractions to help offset impending imbalance if exercises are performed properly.

• In addition to muscular strength and core stability, muscular endurance is another factor that is an essential part of riding fitness. Endurance is the ability to exert a force for a given period of time. When posting for a long period of time, holding any position on horseback, or balancing on a long canter requires muscular endurance and likewise an efficient recovery system from the effects of endurance bouts. There are three kinds of endurance: speed-explosive, anaerobic (work without oxygen), and aerobic (work with oxygen). Anaerobic and aerobic endurance are the two most utilized in equestrian activities.

It is suggested that endurance be developed through a building block approach, improving aerobic endurance and then improving anaerobic. Reasons for this are that by increasing the amount of energy produced from aerobic systems in the body, anaerobic energy (quick energy) is conserved, aerobic energy systems recover anaerobic energy systems used during anaerobic activity, put off the onset of effects produced by lactic acid, and aerobic training may reduce the chances of connective tissue injury, on or off the saddle. Aerobic endurance is not heavily used in equestrian activities and may be achieved through swimming, running, biking, elliptical machines for at least 20 minutes or longer at 70-80% of maximum heart rate – in this instance, it may be useful to obtain a heart rate monitor. Anaerobic endurance may be developed through repetitions and sets of wall sits, running sprints, and lengths of posting while trotting.

While these are a few suggestions to help improve riding performance, there are a few more to take into consideration. Be sure to consult a physician before engaging in this kind of physical development activity – he will be able to help you with where to start, give nutrition cousel, and notify you of any health restrictions and/or precautions. Likewise, he may give ideas of exercises and proper instruction as to how to perform them for strength training, muscular endurance, and core stability. A physician may also refer to a physical therapist, athletic trainer, personal trainer, or any other appropriate professionals to give more complete help with these aspects, especially with the youth and senior participants, as their specifications and requirements are slightly different.

It’s apparent that there’s much to be said about physical fitness, even in the rider’s realm. Good luck and enjoy developing the skills and techniques of riding. Be astute, and have fun.

Forest for the Saplings

My mother told me a story today about a 3rd grade class at her school who I find myself wanting very much to meet. They read a story this year about a girl who was half-Caucasian and half-Native American that introduced the children to what life is like where traditions and social norms have been upset. I wasn't given particulars of the story, but the only thing the girl has in her possession is her "sack of promises", which consists of memories and items that mean something to her, that define who she is and where she comes from.

The teacher of this 3rd grade class challenged her students to go home and bring back their own sacks of promises (items that mean something to them, the 6 or so things that they'd take from a burning house, etc). The teacher was tentative secondary to her experience with this assignment with her class last year, who brought in more banal items, like candy, etc. However, this current group of children surprised her.

One student, who my mother described as "ADHD to the max", pulled a flower from his sack. As he pondered it in his hands, he told of a time when he was in a field filled with blossoms. Twirling it between his fingers, he went on to explain that this flower meant something to him because it was the only one of its kind, and it reminded him that, like this flower, he was an individual.

Another student's sack contained two coins, one foreign and the other domestic. The first coin was from Uzbekistan, reminding him of the place he was born and the orphanage he was from. The second coin was from the US, representative of the opportunities that he now has available to him.

And those were just two.

All I could think as my mother related this to me was "How amazing..." My mind immediately began to light up and I became excited for this group of students who have such insights into themselves and humanity at such an age. It's been a long time since I've come across a young one which such an awareness, and it refreshes me. Now all I have to do is hope and pray they don't lose this ability to see the forest beyond the trees.

The Inconvenience of Independence?

I had an argument with my mother today (not surprising) about my long term plan for my life: where I was going to work, where I was going to live, and the like. In all seriousness, it was a reprise of the grilling I got from my Dad and oldest brother on said brother's birthday some 7 weeks ago. I reminded her I was only in my 3rd week of my first rotation, but that didn't matter. I failed to get across to her that I hadn't the slightest where I was going to work because I didn't really KNOW what kind of therapy I wanted to practice, other than I knew I didn't want to work in Acute Care for at least the first 3 years of my career. After some further repartee, I started to get really frustrated, and I mean really frustrated with her. She wanted a definitive answer, and I didn't have one for her, which ALWAYS leads her to pontificating about what I need to do. I love my mother, but I'm 25 years old, I've lived on my own for 7 years, I've battled sexist bigots, 6 PT schools and their interviews without her holding my hand and that's just the short list.

In the end, she subtly let me in on what was really bothering her - she felt out of the loop in my life. "You don't communicate with me," she said and I pertly responded, still carrying over from being cornered about the whole thing, "Why do I need to about this?" She knows I'm independent and exactly how independent I am, and I think that kind of scared her a little. What kind of gets me more is the potential sense she was emanating that I wouldn't her in my life down the road. Yes, I am very independent in many ways and I have skills that would allow me to pick up and move anywhere, settle in, and be just fine. But now, after this afternoon, I find that I'm asking myself, is it worth it to be this self-sufficient?

Finding the balance between including/excluding my family in my life is obviously delicate. I love my family, but over the course of my life, I've learned to adapt to situations where I don't have the safe haven of others to fight my battles - and it's not that I wanted it that way, it just happened. Some people tell their mother everything, but much like me, my mom has the answer to everything (shocker, I know), correct answers, mind you, and being essentially the same person as my mother, I don't like being preached to about something I already know. So, in order to prevent the broken record from playing, I've learned to become selective in what I tell her. (Oh, the beauty of learned habits).

However, the connection between us has made her aware of this, and as a result, she feels like she is not needed. One central trait my mother and I share - we need to be needed. We define ourselves and our worth by our service to others and when one creation of ours doesn't check in as often as the others do.... you get the picture. In some ways, it almost makes me wish I wasn't as independent as I am, but I can't shake the indispensable nature it has in my life. It has defined who I am, it is my buffer, my drive, and most importantly, to me, it is my justification. I hate being accused of doing/saying/thinking/feeling something because someone else told me to, or because it was expected of me - you really don't know how it irritates me.

My thirst for self-sufficiency fulfills some sort of innate need I have to be considered my own person... but is it worth the expense of alienating those I love? The logical answer would be no, but at this particular crossroad, I don't have a firm resolution. As much as we joke about other people who have stronger umbilical cords still attached to their family, how are we any different? There will always be a need to share what we feel is important with the ones we love - I guess we just need to resynchronize on what's important for each other to know...

Government Subsidized Medicine

I'll make this short, sweet and to the point. If you're still doubting what a more global picture of health care subsidized by the Federal Government is like, look at the V.A. Hospitals and Indian Health Services. For the most part, the only good found there come from the people who actually care about their jobs enough to fight the red tape and go beyond what their tax-payer salaries offer them.

I rest my case.

Last time I checked, we all bleed red blood.

While earning my undergraduate degree, I took a class on interpersonal relations. During one lecture, our professor taught us that there are as many as 8 different kinds of love. There is obviously romantic love, but there is also pragmatic love, egocentric love, platonic love, altruistic love, companionate love, manic love, and so forth. Today, however, I’d like to discuss with you about the kind of love that encompasses, supercedes and moderates all of those - the kind of love that is intended in Moses 7:33, where Heavenly Father says to Enoch,

“And unto thy brethren have I said, and also given commandment, that they should love one another, and they should choose me, their Father;”

This direction, which is the same that is described in Matthew 22:36-40, Luke 10:25-27, and again in Mosiah 4:15, represents the purest, fullest, and truest form of love that is able to be learned – Godly love, the love a Creator has for the workmanship of His hand.

The scriptures are replete with examples of Godly love. In the New Testament, the Savior identifies that the first and greatest thing we can do is to wholly love our Father in Heaven, or, in other words, to “choose” Him. And the next best thing we can do, which will help us to attain eternal life if practiced earnestly, is to love one another. Why is this significant? The Lord gives us the answer in Matthew 22:40:

“On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”

How true this is, especially when we look at our purpose here in this life. Before we came to Earth, we were spirits who lived with our Heavenly Parents and when we expressed a desire to be like our Heavenly Father, He developed a plan that would allow us to become exactly as he is (to have gained a body of flesh and bone, to have the knowledge and power that he has, to be immortal and to have chosen to do so.). Our time in this mortal existence would be our classroom and proving ground, for which a syllabus would be provided to guide our choices and to ensure the appropriate learning had occurred. To put all in this in place and to enact it took Godly love from Heavenly Father and the Savior, and it is upon the principle of that love the laws given to man were founded. It is this same love, and all its subtypes we are here to learn. So, how does all the law hang on these two commandments? How are they so all encompassing?

Let’s look at what he says first: Choosing the Father

A true love of God precipitates a man’s faith in his Creator, by way of trust, obedience, and hope. A man’s faith in a loving, literal Heavenly Father is a daily choice, brought about by way of honoring what God has asked him to do, as well as by much study, meditation, prayer, humility, and believing, which is answered by God through blessings, and the great teacher and revelator, the Holy Ghost. As a man continues in this fashion, he increases in truth, knowledge, and light; he weathers life’s tests more readily. As he seeks to understand the divine outline Heavenly Father has for him, his relationship with God becomes more individual, personal and reverenced, thus increasing in love and the cycle continues in this way. I believe the key here is the obedience that comes from this love.

Now, let’s look at the second component: Loving One Another

Love can be defined as unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another. If this is so, then the Savior’s love for us is truly perfect. In 3 Nephi 27:27 as well as in Matthew5:48, we are commanded to become as he is, and invited to live the Higher Law. In order for that to happen, we must learn to love as He loves, for love is the only thing strong enough to allow us to forgive when an offence has occurred; to endear the less fortunate to us, to render us patience, to allow us to hope, to feed our faith, and to bind us together as families through any number of disagreements and joys. This is evidenced by our baptismal covenants, found Mosiah 18: 8-9, to which we are bound to uphold if we want to gain eternal life:

“8…willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;

9. Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort.”

Learning to love people we don’t have an attachment to is hard, I’m not going to lie, but it will come with time the more you actually practice it, whether you feel love beyond yourself or not. Allow me to cite two examples.

When I was little, my parents had my brothers and I involved in doing what my mother called “good works.” These good works ranged from staying after every church activity to help clean up, showing up to every Young Women’s service project, making meals for new mothers or post-op recoverers, volunteering at the hospital, you name it, we did it. For the longest time, I never fully understood why we were (or at least what I thought) guilted, or trapped into doing these things; I just assumed we were doing it because no one else was going to do it. However, helping out became a habit, and as years passed and I matured, I learned through trial, error, and many hours of long suffering what it was to fill a need.

Example #2. When my oldest brother was in medical school, he’d often complain about the types of people he’d see during his rotations (the biggest patient population that my mother and I would tease him about was pediatrics, because he felt like he couldn’t talk to them intelligently. Now, you have to understand, if you’ve ever seen the TV show “Frazier”, my brother is Niles Crane.). My family and I subsequently took it upon ourselves to educate him during his early medical training on what it mean to truly be a doctor: that it extends beyond the science. Mind you, my brother isn’t an unfeeling individual at all, he has a very big heart, but it needed some higher education, if you will. Fast-forward a few years. During his residency, he related two experiences that signaled to me that he had progressed, and had, in my opinion, grown as a physician.

The first experience, he called me at the end of one day to tell me that I’d be proud of him. Naturally, I was curious. He proceeded to explain to me that he had just gotten off a night shift in the care units where he had gone in and checked in on every single one of his patients personally, turning off their televisions and room lights as he left so they could sleep. To one patient in particularly, he read aloud a small stack of cards they had received in the mail before turning out the lights. The second experience, he emailed me last year after working a shift at the children’s hospital with a little story of a little girl who had to get an MRI:

A little present for you - I was working in the MRI scanner today and took care of a little 9 y/o girl who came in for a repeat MRI brain for evaluation of her seizure disorder. What made me think of you today was the little girl came in clutching a stuffed saber-toothed tiger in her arms [much like yours]. She looked very cute with it and I promised her her tiger would be with her throughout the scan even though she'd be under general anesthesia. Since the tiger itself contained no metal, this wasn't a problem. The scene was so memorable that I had to [tell] you…the little girl under general inside, and the readily identifiable tail of her stuffed saber-toothed tiger lying on top while she went through the study. Don't let it ever be said that I don't have a soft spot.

I told my brother the same thing after each of these experiences, “Now you know what it means to be a doctor.”

What my brother and I had were a change and a progression of heart. We began to feel love for those we barely knew because we then began to see them more as our Father and Savior saw them: as our brothers and sisters, regardless of race, religion, creed, body type, hair color, financial status, or orientation. As Elder M. Russell Ballard stated in a talk from the April 2001 Conference, “…a doctrine of inclusion…That is what we believe…If we are truly disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ, we will reach out with love and understanding to all of our neighbors at all times.” As my mother always said, “We all bleed red blood.”

It really is wonderful how simple the Gospel really is. If you truly love your Father in Heaven, as well as your neighbor, then you’ll do everything that needs to be done in order to return to live with God. With love, we become increasingly concerned, as Enoch did, for the welfare of that co-worker, the woman who sits next to us on the bus, or the man at the grocer. As we more fully reconcile ourselves to Heavenly Father’s plan, the more we’ll want to share it with others, be it those who we see in this chapel from week to week, or those whom we have yet to. I guess the Beatles were on the right track when they said “All you need is love.” Now, to echo the Savior at the end of the parable of the Good Samaritan, I challenge you to “go, and do likewise.”

To this I add my testimony...

You are 16, going on...90.... =)

There are days I wish I could be as immortal with a pen and paper as Jane Austen, regardless of the life she led that created her stories. At any rate, I recently returned from a celebration of life that prompted some of her words to my mind:

"What a pleasant life might be had in this world
by a handsome, sensible old lady of good fortune,
blessed with a sound constitution and a firm will!"

As you're probably suspecting, yes, the life I celebrated is my grandmother's, who turned 90 this past weekend and is going amazingly strong. Indeed, her's is a life to be celebrated, especially when you look at the progeny she's produced. We're small compared to some families, but we love each other and there's never a short of laughter when her children get together. We all have our stories, which end up being a part of her's, and one can imagine how lengthy that can get with each year that goes by.

Some Nutritious "Food For Thought" for the Gym-goer

My remarks for this most recent pearl of wisdom stemmed from a couple of different incidents molding together. I finally got myself back into a formal strength training program after being on hiatus for about 3 months (ah ah ah...doesn't mean I wasn't running around. Remember, exercise is the meaningful execution of preplanned and purposeful physical activity) when I realized I was only about 6 weeks away from my first internship and I needed to get some hypertrophy going if i was going to be of any use to my future patients (first internship is in outpatient neuro rehab - very taxing). So I wandered down to the health club, which is in a fairly affluent area and on my way in, as well as while taking inventory of what this place really had to offer, I saw a decent amount of people who were interested in their health. Lots of people, biking, running, playing basketball, lifting, etc., but knowing these white collar types, a thought instaneously flashed through my head - what does he have need to be that big for? - as I passed by one gentleman. Very prejudicial, I know, but I can't help it - first impressions were always snap and uncontrollable with me.

After my 30 min jog on the treadmill, I stretched out and made my way to the weight room to again assess what equipment the administration thought was necessary. Outside the weight room and above the water fountain hung pictures and credentialing of all the personal trainers (serendipitously convenient, no? These guys are good). I was happy that everyone had at least a Bachelors degree in something related (although my ears pricked after reading one girl was touted as having experience with physical therapy as a result of an internship she had, but there wasn't anything after her name to suggest she was actually a P.T.), but under one gentleman's mini CV he only had written "Fitness is a Lifestyle!" This is true, however....

(smirk) There's seems to be a lot of howevers with me, I've noticed. Some days I wish my life existed in a little more black and white instead of color. I digress. These two anecdotes overlayed something a dear friend said to me once as I was relishing in the new found power I wielded when I was selected to assist with Physical Therapy Program interviews one year: "So, what do you hope to accomplish with that question? What answer are you looking for?" Random, I know, but I do have I point.

As I worked my lower half on the leg press, I got to thinking. In this day and age of cultural norms, trends, fads, and ulterior motives, I tend to appreciate more those who have a functional, logical, and reasonable purpose for what their doing. For me, I have a functional purpose for my training - I need to be able to support, block, push, pull my patients, to perform my daily and non-daily tasks at home, as well as prevent injury when I play. And maybe the white collar folks have their reasons for living at the gym, as some truly do, but to them I ask a potentially pointed question: "To what end?" What purpose does exercising so much serve for you, and please don't tell me it's heavily based on self-image and trying to attract members of the opposite sex. While everybody's got their something, that's probably one of the worse, least self-satisfying reasons to do anything. ANYTHING. If nothing else, that kind of thinking breeds narcissism that's insanely hard to get rid of as one ages.

My solution - find a logical, meaningful purpose. If you want to protect your joints and back against age-related changes, perfect. If you want to do a triathalon, wonderful. If you want to improve your recreational rugby game, amen. If you want to be able to take care of yourself when you reach 90 y.o., fantastic. If you're diabetic or have high blood pressure and want to reduce your dependence on injected insulin or your risk of heart problems down the road, I'm sure medicare will eventually thank you, but I know your family and bank book will do so more readily. Whatever it is, please, have some depth to your resolution. In the end, the main idea is that you're active in a challenging way that makes your exercising efforts worth all the blood, sweat, tears and time.

As Jimmy Lunceford once suggested, "It ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it." Just something to think about it.

Friends At First Are Friends At Last

It is truly amazing how sincere prayers/desires of the heart are answered expeditiously. I'll ease you into a story and then, if I remember, I'll tie it back in to my opening statement. I took part of an interesting discuss, today, on a topic I've had a particularly hard time with over the past two years - that of forgiveness. While I have been blessed with a relatively forgiving nature, the harsher assults tend to harbor, as I attempt to figure out the great "WHY!?": Why did this person do this? How can they think this way? etc, etc, etc. These harsher assults tend to be ones that carry more of an emotional trigger with them, one procured by what I consider a sort of emotional "broadsiding". One in particular offense I have been holding on to for 2+ years because I just could not come to terms with the fact that a professional could believe has he expressed himself, especially after I had confided in him with an open heart.

But to what end?

During the discussion I mentioned above, we looked at several examples extracted from sections of history of revered men who had rendered forgiveness to those who had sorely crossed them, at times, resulting in wrongful imprisonment and all the great and wonderful things that accompany. Barring the standard discussion of how pride is at the root of witholding forgiveness, what impressed me most in each of the examples given was how quickly forgiveness was given. It almost seemed instantly! But unless you're an anomaly, we all know how hard it is to go from anger to love instantaneously. It's near impossible for mortal man. So how can this end-picture of resolution occur?

I think the wronged had forgiven the offender long before each of the moments of truth, where the offender expressed sincere remorse to the wronged.

Granted, that's assuming the offenders even approached those they had wronged at all! While I don't have the hard numbers proving it, I am fairly confident that for as many times as there are expressions of repentance there are just as many that never hear, or ever thought they would hear, those words, "I'm sorry" in whatever shape, form, or fashion. That's all well and good. As I heard one young lady proffer during our discussion, to forgive is often more for you than it is for the someone else. I found this especially true when you think about all of the baggage that comes with harboring resentment and anger toward someone. Too much wasted energy, especially if you're just going to sit around waiting for something you think you deserve (an apology) that may take years to come, if it comes at all. Talk about being all dressed up with no where to go...

While sincere apologies are nice, they may indeed never come. Such is the situation I found myself in 2 years ago interviewing for Physical Therapy programs. I won't go into the details, but some things were said that "emotionally broadsided" me and I honestly didn't know what to say. I wrote letters to the program and the appropriate personnel with the university, however, to my knowledge, nothing came of it in the end. I was both enraged and hurt, because I was naive enough to think that with upper personnel under such scrutiny that anything like that would happen to anyone anymore, let alone me, especially in a profession known for it's good hearted people.

While I attended a different program that I came to find was the more appropriate choice for me, I gradually remembered the incident less and less, but I had never truly felt at peace with the situation. That is, until today when I had a prayer answered and I finally felt at peace for the first time in 2 years. Some would attribute it to time and how it heals all wounds, but you don't know me very well if that's your first and only conclusion. I have a very long memory.

Since April, I've been graduallly preparing myself to enter the temple to make my higher covenant with Heavenly Father, and a couple weeks ago I completed the temple preparation courses. Part of the prerequisites to enter being personal worthiness, which balances on keeping God's commandments and earnestly striving to live a Christ-like life, I knew I had to genuinely come to terms with that incident before I could even allow myself to approach my bishop for a temple recommend. There's a good brother at church who I have a hard time with on occasion who earned his graduate degree from that same university, so it just made it even more of a challenge, lol. I digress. A few days prior to the discussion I had today, I had had enough and in one aloud private conversation with my Heavenly Father, I expressed my frustration with how it's been 2 years, and why do I still have such an anger toward this problem? I didn't want to have these feelings! That was the thing - the deep-down part of me wanted to get past it all (it sees the greater perspective in all things, I swear it does), but the more superficial part of me still occasionally clung.

Today, in many respects in thanks to the lesson I received on forgiveness, I finally got myself under control. It doesn't matter if I ever get an apology or not - quite frankly, I don't expect one. What's done is done, and I harbor no ill-will.

Requesting assistance

My local chapter of the American Physical Therapy Association is holding a silent auction in a few months to raise money for their scholarship fund and have sent out the letter requesting donations. I sent a cursory email, describing my hobby and asking if they'd be interested in a piece. They responded in the affirmative, and now I'm left with the task of deciding which piece(s) to have matted and framed. My mother was absolutely no help, I'm self-conscious and biased, so I'm turning to you, my critics for assistance.

I'm currently toying with three that seem to stick out in my mind, but I need your help weighting in on if what I'm thinking are globally plausible choices or if I should consider something else. I appreciate all comments you have to proffer (and I do mean all). Presently, I have:







...and...



If you'd like to see what the other options are, visit http://sportygirl4114.deviantart.com/gallery/

By the way, if any of you are interested in donating a piece to help future healers of the world, you're more than welcome. Just comment with an appropriate email address and I will send you the email address of the lady organizing the collections.

Cheers!

Ownership

I was recently reading a summary of a biography of Dr. Albert Schweitzer. If you don't know who that is, that's just fine - you're probably my age with parents that aren't as old as mine nor are they in the medical field ( my mother told me about him ). Schweitzer was an individual of deep-rooted spirituality, whose life was dedicated to service - most notably his hospital in West Africa, where he eventually died. He was fueled by the sense "...that we must not regard our lives as belonging to ourselves alone."

...interesting thought... why not?

The Shaft

Why do we place so much pressure on young men in today's culture to date when they may very well not want to? I've thought about this recently since spring has descended upon us - everyone comes out of hibernation and LO! the opposite sex never looked so good and summer relationships are beginning to take hold. With this recent resurgence of courting, especially when held against the contemporary dating trends (or rather the falling off of them), we, as bright young women, generally tend to renew our efforts in nudging the young men of our acquaintances to get off their duffs and formally socialize with young ladies.

This is a bit cynical, but what if boys don't ask girls out simply because they don't want to? Are we really to begrudge them for not doing something that we'd normally not do as well? We tend to not go out with those who we do not already have some inkling of interest in (be it plutonic or something else favorable), or are otherwise leery of - why not allow that of the men? What if they're just not that into you? Is there some unwritten code or law of social propriety that dictates that men must date you or give you a chance? I have yet to find such a document, but as a friend suggested to me once, this lack of regulation of modern dating tactical foreplay has made dating harder and more scarce than easier.

Odd to think that things were easier when there were more rules.... but if you examine it further, if nothing is expected of you, if there's no pressure, what else other than self-motivation will push you to complete the task? In considering us in our procrastinatory comfort zones, I propose self-motivation is the only thing at this point that will save today's dating culture. Since this is the way the wind seems to be blowing, it's easier to sail with it than try to reintroduce antiquated societal courting customs that will not work with this generation.

So, is that it? Psh, H*** no! Combat by making yourself more desireable and marketable - in good and Godly ways only. I am in no way suggesting that you throw in the towel and completely start catering to the whims of the opposite sex - they're hormonally driven and as we all know, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You can't please everyone, but you can please yourself and then go out to find that puzzle piece that completes your picture.

Just... don't get offended when the boys don't ask you out....

The 21st Century Seabiscuit

From my muses of prose at the NY Times, I felt this was one description of the events that actually gave some credit where credit was due (and personality to boot).

(The article may be found at this web address: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/03/sports/othersports/03derby.html)

Rob Carr/Associated Press

Jockey Calvin Borel celebrates Mine That Bird's win at the 135th Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs on Saturday.

Mine That Bird Uses Shortest Route to Win Derby

By JOE DRAPE

Published: May 2, 2009

LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Sometimes this game brings you to tears. Sometimes it feels right to be wrong. And always it is better than O.K. when the tears streaming down your face are caused by a man in a black cowboy hat and an almost handlebar mustache, a Cajun jockey with more horse than book sense and a scrawny $9,500 gelding.

Chip Woolley, Calvin Borel and Mine That Bird, an improbable — no, impossible — 50-1 long shot, did just that Saturday, running away with the 135th running of America’s greatest race, the Kentucky Derby.

Horse racing has had some bad big days recently.

Last year, the filly Eight Belles was euthanized on the racetrack after finishing second here. When the 2006 Derby winner Barbaro broke down in the Preakness, he brought greater public attention to the sport’s safety and welfare issues. Early Saturday it appeared to be more of the same: I Want Revenge, the morning-line favorite, came up lame in his left front ankle and was scratched.

By 6:30 p.m., when Mine That Bird squirted through a hole in the rail and skipped from the muddy track into the lane all alone, the 153,563 at Churchill Downs checked their programs to see who the heck the No. 8 horse was.

By that time, Borel and this horse he hardly knew were on their way to the winner’s circle for the blanket of roses. In 2007, after Borel guided Street Sense to a Derby victory with a similar rail-skimming, last-to-first trip, the nation was introduced to this humble, emotional man with a grade-school education and a Ph.D-sized heart. Borel, in turn, was introduced to Queen Elizabeth II at a White House state dinner.

As soon as Mine That Bird crossed the finish line six and a quarter lengths ahead of 18 others, Borel’s tears flowed with the warmth and power of Niagara Falls. He patted, hugged, hollered and dripped tears on the gelding he met for the first time Monday. Finally, Borel kissed a rose and lofted it toward the heavens in honor of his late mother and father.

“I wish my mother and father were here to see what I have accomplished in my life,” he said an hour later, dissolving in tears once again.

While it took Mine That Bird just 2 minutes 2.66 seconds to cover the Derby’s mile-and-a-quarter distance, it took his trainer, Woolley, a lifetime and a couple of days to occupy horse racing’s most hallowed real estate below Churchill Downs’s twin spires.

The 45-year-old Woolley, a former bareback rodeo rider, loaded Mine That Bird in a van and hauled him behind his truck from his base in New Mexico, stopping at Lone Star Park in Grand Prairie, Tex., so his horse could gallop a couple of miles.

Those were hard miles, especially because Woolley is on crutches after breaking his leg in a recent motorcycle accident. In fact, last week Woolley and Mine That Bird’s owners, Mark Allen and Dr. Leonard Blach, were pointing Mine That Bird to the Lone Star Derby next weekend. Instead, they decided to dream big.

“I had no real feeling about how we’d do, but we came here to be competitive,” Woolley said.

On Friday, Woolley confessed that he was just happy to be here alongside Hall of Famers like D. Wayne Lukas, Bob Baffert and Nick Zito. He was amazed that horse enthusiasts stopped him in restaurants and knew that Mine That Bird was, indeed, the 2-year-old champion last year in Canada. Allen and Blach paid more than the $9,500 Mine That Bird fetched in the auction ring — $400,000, to be exact, after he won four races in a row.

Why buy a gelding? Mine That Bird does not have the cushy life of a stud awaiting him. Allen and Blach are not going to make millions in the breeding shed.

“We wanted a racehorse, not a stallion,” Allen said.

Couldn’t you at least get a deal?

“There was no haggling,” Allen said with a no-nonsense western twang. “They wanted $400,000. We paid it.”

It looked like a bargain when Borel started sanding the rail heading into the far turn, picking off one, two, three and, finally, 15 horses. The final hurdle came with an eighth of a mile left when Mine That Bird bulled through a sliver of a hole inside Join in the Dance.

“I wasn’t worried,” Borel said. “He’s a small horse and I knew I could squeeze him through.”

Baffert’s Santa Anita Derby winner, Pioneerof the Nile, was closing in the middle of the track, but it was much too late. He finished second.

“Those cowboys came with a good horse,” Baffert said.

The Illinois Derby victor Musket Man and the Arkansas Derby champion Papa Clem clunked up for third and fourth position. But all three are destined to be footnotes in one of the tallest tales about the Derby. Beyond the match race with War Admiral, no one remembers the many horses Seabiscuit turned back.

No, Mine That Bird earned a first-place check worth more than $1.4 million for his cowboy connections and returned the second-largest win payout in Derby history for his few and true believers — $103.20 for a $2 bet. Mine That Bird, a son of Birdstone out of the mare Mining My Own, has captured five of his nine career races.

Best of all, the little-gelding-that-could allowed Woolley to blink tears back from behind his sunglasses, tip his black hat and linger over how his improbable road to the Derby had ended. Before 6:24 p.m. Saturday, he was told, no one outside the tumbleweeds of New Mexico knew who Chip Woolley was.

He gulped, then swallowed.

“They’ll know me now,” he said, as prickly as a cactus.

Yes, they will.

John Gress/Reuters

Jockey Calvin Borel celebrating aboard Mine That Bird as they win the Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs on Saturday.

Here's to the victor, quere es poder. Salud.