All Is Fair in Love and Trust...

I've been meaning to write my thoughts on this topic for two weeks now, but for whatever reason I kept putting it off for more entertaining topics (like the cr-AZY stuff I see at the VA).  But, now that I've finished my dessert, I'm ready to attack my vegetables.

I was sitting in Sunday School two weeks ago, and we were talking about the Council in Heaven.  The discussion had gathered around Abraham 3:22-23, where the prophet learns about foreordination, seeing the "noble and great" intelligences amongst the droves and then being told by his Creator "thou was one of them."  I cannot help but think how humbling of a moment that must have been, to learn that he was one who was most faithful and obedient during his pre-earth life.  And in looking at Abraham, the proof was certainly in the pudding, he was noble and great prior to his birth was certainly most nobel and great during his time in mortality. 

But in mentioning those descriptors along, "noble" and "great", someone behind me made an interesting connection that I don't think I will forget.  Those spirits, or intelligences, who stood out to Abraham in this vision were most likely those other prophets who went before and came after him (and I believe the Savior was among them).  I do not claim that as an all inclusive list by any means, but I know it includes them...minimum.  Either way, the parallel the young man behind me proffered went something like this:

It is given that God's greatest work on this earth is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. This is not an easy task and the sheer gravity of thinking about such a prospect will drive that thought home. Just like any of our parents would only entrust their child's wellbeing into the hands of loved and capable people, Heavenly Father did the same. He chose those 'noble and great ones' to eventually become leaders of His people because He trusted them - He knew they would not fail Him. God's love does extend to every one of His children, that goes without question or doubt.... but He only trusts a few.

The thought of that hit me hard, especially in light of my Patriarchal Blessing and certain things I've experienced in my life that have testified to me that Heavenly Father must either need me for something or didn't want me to return to Him in such a state of little progression as I have obtainted (in which case only further proves His love for me as an individual).  How despairing it is to think of God  not trusting someone...  to me that is just as grave a failure as anything else - one of the few beings who has the ability to love every single one of His children unconditionally and yet know He could not trust them w/ whatever aspect of His magnum opus...

But, indeed, we need not despair.  Heaven knows we have our agency and are here to use just that.  Because we have the ability to choose, we may resolve ourselves to be more consistently obedient and prove ourselves worthy of God's trust as a compliment to His love.  How our agency can set us free... =)

Also, how this parallels our day to day relations we have with one another... 

Something to ponder.

Come, Let Us Anew...

It's hard to believe that a year has already passed, and what a year was 2009.

A year ago this month, I practically swore to my Bishop in Flagstaff that I wouldn't be taking out my endowments for a very long time, nor would I be getting married any time soon.  Well... 10 months later, I received my endowment, but I'm still not any closer to getting married.  One of these days...

A year ago come February will mark the 1-year anniversary my cousin and classmate, Holly, and I received a second chance at life.  On a blizzardy early afternoon, February 9th, we were involved in a multi-car and semi pile up on I-40 W toward Kingman.  Due to a sudden entrance into a low visibility stretch on a hill, Holly was unable to stop in time before sliding into the wheel-well of a semi that had already collided with another semi to avoid smashing into a longer stretch of piled up vehicles in front of them.  I had the last look before impact, but I had the impression this wasn't the end for us.  Holly and I ducked into each other and a few bangs and jerks later we were still. Holly had the inspiration we needed to get out, and we climbed out the back window which had miraculously been avulsed from the vehicle.  We hopped the guardrail and ran upstream to warn other cars just as two other semi's hauntingly crashed into the area where we had just been.  The snow lifted, the sun intermittently came out and as far as we knew, other cars behind us were able to stop safely.  Holly's car was totaled and all we escaped with were a subluxed SC joint for Holly and a hematoma along my anterior tibialis and a few months of sensory nerve regrowth.  If both of us had stayed, we would be dead.  Thankfully, no one involved that day expired - a faith reaffirming experience that I'll expound for you in a more private forum if you ask me to.

Fly fishing trips, a grandmother's health in question, and hopes for the future to plan for.  I still don't know if I made the right decisions in setting up my rotations as I have them, but only time will tell, and in the end, I am the master of my education.  I was offered a research position with some professors that saved my sanity and improved my confidence in myself as a clinician and a person of character.  However, cleaning cadaver tanks was an experience I shall never forget.  I do miss dissection.

Leaving Flagstaff for Phoenix was harder than I anticipated.  I arrived there from Utah ready to leave and I left there not wanting to go...

Moving back in with my parents was interesting, as it prompted a lot of house cleaning and many donations to Good Will.  The discussions resumed about when my curfew would be: Dad said 10pm because after that I was going to get shot at a streetlight while driving home, I said Midnight.  Mom broke the tie with Midnight.  So began my matriculation back into Phoenix society - records transferred into new singles ward, met AMAZING people that I feel very small next to, helping mom with the house, volleyball on Tuesdays, and resume unspoken repartee with my unofficial "nemesis" (?) - not sure what I would call him...

Rotations beginning and my year long training on how to be a real therapist. Scary.  Started out with outpatient Neuro rehab at SWAN.  Had the most patient CI in the world who I swear, thought I was crazy half the time.  We were cut out of the same cloth 20 years apart.  I made amazing friends there and learned a lot about myself.  Moved to Utah for my 2nd rotation to finally get some closure on my life there.  The rotation wasn't what I thought I needed, in the entire 8 weeks I was there, I didn't do one initial evaluation and I about had a coronary the entire first week I was there.  However, it gave me much needed experience in actually treating someone....now I just need to re-learn how to go through an intake form.  While the rotation was a chore at times, the dancing was great.  All I did was Blues, and I made some great friends while I was at it.  The Blues scene made it hard to leave Utah.  That and a couple prospects I left behind.

And what would a reflection blog be without a touch on the love life (as I know so many of you are on the edge of your seats).  The close of this year also saw the close of some hoped for relations, both years in the making.  Upon reacquaintance, one pushed too hard too fast and scared me off, the other didn't push enough over long distance and we lost each others hearts for good.  Had a few nibbles since then, but I'm open for suggestions...  (however, he must be of strong constitution for heaven help the man who courts and marries a Kate).

However, whenever a door closes a window opens.  A new year is upon us and I realized I lived the last 5 months of my life in fear.  Fear that I wouldn't be the perfect intern, fear that I wouldn't learn what I thought I was suppose to, fear that I had screwed up my potential for happiness, and fear that my Father was mad at me.  The canvas is fresh, the paints are old, but there are other fresher colors and utensils to use as well.  I have rarely been one to accept fear as a reason for not doing anything I was suppose to be doing - there may be uncertainty, but no fear.

So, with that, I say hello to this brave new year, full of possibilities, challenges, and growth.   Let's dance.... =)