Long goodbyes and perks of being intuitional

I should hate long goodbyes, but like a typical addictive personality when it comes to human relations, I can't help but get stuck in them when the opportunity strikes.  I guess that's one of the curses of being a strongly intuitive person as much of a science and imperative/explicit person as I am.  However, I suppose there's something to be said for old flames and realistic dreams involving them.

I recently found out that the mechanical engineer I had attempted to date on and off for over a year (who burned me pretty sorely in the end and then tried to make it all better by writing an epistle to how it wasn't either of us that caused him to re-nig suddenly, it was divine inspiration.) is getting married after dating someone for only ....4 months.  Now, in my culture, that's not uncommon, but for someone who only 6 months ago was coming to me because he was having trouble from realizing he was a self-centered individual who had never really learned to love someone else, let alone himself... this was a shock.

Well... a shock, a relief (because now I had the closure I needed from occasionally yearning he'd sort himself out and want to try "us" again for round 3), and bittersweet (because if he truly had figured out the beginnings of to love someone else, I envied the girl who cultured it in him).  It's pathetic, but when this is the second man I've opened myself up to enough to allow myself to get burned like this, it's a meaningful thing regardless of how much I balance in my head the good times with the overwhelming ....discord.... that essentially defined our relationship.

So what about the dream? you ask.  Well, before the engineer and I called it off again, I was away on an out of state internship and I had a very vivid dream that I was at a fair/carnival of some sort and I saw him walking up with a girl who is now one of my very good friends and they were holding hands.  To make matters worse, she had a ring on her finger, and they said hello and walked off like there was no social obligation to explain what was going on. (which would have been about par for the engineer).  Dreams, when they're that vivid, are very important to me.  Sure enough, the months after that dream, the engineer decided to do somethings that were indicative that he was no longer in pursuit of my affections (after he verbally said he wanted to continue dating me while i was on my internships) without saying anything - not a word.

This brings us up to last night.  I had a very vivid dream that he and I had crossed paths, and were actually having a kind of private tender moment.  Eyes closed, foreheads touching, he held my right hand and said something along the lines of how I was associated with intelligence, but his fiancée was associated with the heart.  I remember feeling my typical form of yearning, but then the acquiescence that one feels after their heart's been ripped out but realizes its for the best.  Sometimes when I can't consciously put to rest what's over and done with, it's nice to be intuitional enough to have dreams that can put you in your place.