Handwriting analysis....

I couldn't help myself. My friend Heather completed one and I was a little too curious and caved...



"

This personality profile is based on the writing of K W created at the website: Handwriting Wizard.com - Handwriting University's Official automated personality report creator based on standardized basic personality traits as taught through Handwriting University's Certification Level Program.

K is moderately outgoing. Her emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, she can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. She has the ability to put herself into the other person's shoes.

K will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes she will be happy, the next day she might be sad. She has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because she is in between. Psychology calls K an ambivert. She understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, she will not tolerate anyone that is too "far out." She doesn't sway too far one way or the other.

When convincing her to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to her. She puts herself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet she will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. K is an expressive person. She outwardly shows her emotions. She may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story.

K is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically. She weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when she finally has to. She basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue.

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, K doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

K will be candid and direct when expressing her opinion. She will tell them what she thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want her opinion, don't ask for it!

K has a desire for attention. People around K will notice this need. She may fulfill this need by a variety of ways depending on her own character.

K can be defiant. She sometimes has the attitude that if someone doesn't like it the way she is doing it, then they can just "go to hell!" This trait may reveal itself in a rebellious nature that is always ready to resist forces which she thinks are infringing upon her freedom of action.

In reference to K's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When K slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project.

She has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. K can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

K is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. she finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. K basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average.

Something is incomplete in K's life. She feels frustration relating to her physical needs and desires. Somewhere in her life there is some disappointment, non-fulfillment, and interruption. This is very likely to relate to K's sexual needs.

K is constantly disappointed when trying to reach success. She works very hard, perhaps harder than most, then just before succeeding, something happens that keeps her from success. Often, K changes to a second project just before the first one is finished, thus failing to complete the first project. Sometimes she changes because she feels she needs a different challenge. K feels dejected. This feeling relates to her failures. This trait is very important in a working situation and in a relationship. She must be handled in a very special way to get the most work from her or to make a relationship last. Concerning this trait, personality modification is available to change her life.

K has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. She lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.

K exaggerates about everything that has a physical nature. Although she may not intend to deceive or mislead, she blows things way out of proportion because that is the way she views them. She will be a good story teller. This exaggeration relates to all areas of her material world. K allows many people into her life because she is accepting and trusting. She is sometimes called gullible by her friends. That only really means that she trusts too many people. K has a vivid imagination.

K has a very unusual lower zone y loop. If the data input is correct, K's y or g is large and opens up to the left side of the page. This is not a common trait, but the implications are very interesting. As you begin to study handwriting analysis, you will learn any loop indicates imagination. This lower loop indicates the amount of imagination K has regarding sex and physical things. So, her lower zone stroke is large, so her sexual imagination is large and open. Furthermore, because the loop is incomplete and extends to the left, this indicates a particular fascination with certain aspects of sexuality that have not been fulfilled, yet. In a nutshell, K is open to some very new ideas sexually and is willing to try anything once.

K has a very unusual lower zone y loop. If the data input is correct, K's y or g is large and has triangle shape to the lower loop. This is not a common trait, but the implications are very interesting. As you begin to study handwriting analysis, you will learn any loop indicates imagination. This lower loop indicates the amount of imagination K has regarding sex and physical things. Her lower zone stroke is large, so her sexual imagination is large and open. Furthermore, because the loop has a triangle shape, this indicates a particular curiosity with certain aspects of sexuality. In a nutshell, K is open to some very new ideas sexually and is willing to try anything once. I'd say K is quite a dynamic and playful lover. Watch out world!

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct K has left some white space on the left side of the paper. K fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion moving the entire writing rightward as she moves down the page. If this is true, then K has a healthy relationship to the past and is ready to move on. The right side of the page represents the future and K is ready and willing to get started living now and planning for the future. K is leaving the past behind and moving on to what she perceives as an exciting and enticing future."

Expatriation

I was reminded today that I lived a very sheltered life. I'm not going to go into the details of what triggered this reminder, but I realized that I had allowed myself to succumb to a very dangerous mindset - egocentrism. This is something I've spent a great portion of my life fighting against in other people because it was this nasty little bug that caused me great pain many years ago and from that I've been able to see how it causes pain in others. It is destructive and in the grand scheme of things, very little good comes of it.

For anyone who has caught the brunt of the version of me that's not myself that's been fermenting for the last 4 months or so, I'm sorry - so very, very sorry. In light of this, my mind often turns to my greatest Teacher. This particular gentleman (meant in the truest sense) is known to a number of other students as a master teacher. I've sat through many of his lectures but until I wasn't until college that I started to take stock in what he'd been trying to teach me all of those previous years. It was then, and only then, did the world open up further to my eyes. The times when I failed to remember my lessons were when a whole other Me was created - one that had fallen into a subconscious inawareness, where I wasn't what I really wanted to be. But, like the master teacher he was, he'd check in on me from time to time to see how I was doing and I'd awaken from the other conscious, and realize, again, almost with the same initial zeal as I had many years ago, that someone who is so afraid, unkind, unaware, stagnant and just wholly self-centered, wasn't for me.

So I walk away...

Forbidden cake?

I was in the shower this evening pondering life as I scrubbed it off at the same time, and I got to thinking (I do my most profound thinking while in the shower, btw) about defying idioms. There's one in particular that I've been at odds with lately, namely the one that goes "You can't have your cake and eat it too."

Why not?

I know this idiom refers the choices and sacrifices that must be made when we come to those penultimate crossroads in life, but I've come to despise the times when people use this phrase defensively or haphazardly in a debate. Who honestly thinks this could even possibly applies to every situation?

Yes, I will agree there are those situations that exist where you cannot have it both ways (i.e. simultaneously dating more than one individual for a substantial length of time, for the lack of a less pitiful example). And barring matters of the heart, where you really can't have it both ways, any other supposed "tough choice" where merely presents itself to me as a challenge with a less obvious solution just WAITING to be solved.

Maybe I'm taking this too lightly. Am I'm neglecting those situations where there are more than one scheming individual involved? No, no, no...I thought of those as well. In those pinches, it's just your job to out think the others. To very loosely reference "The Art of War", you must come to know you enemy if you are to defeat him. If you're as good as you think you are, you'll be able to jerry-rig the situation to your favor.

In light of the way this argument has turned, it almost seems like if you want your cake and to enjoy it, you need to work for it. Maybe it's really suppose to mean, you can have your cake after you've put in your time, have gone through the lengths to learn to make it correctly, being the mindful creator. And once it's reached its perfection, through trial and error, you'll have something worth enjoying.

...that is, unless you've become sick of testing cake and the frustration that can come piggy-backed with this ordeal, then in that case, you really would have your cake, but couldn't eat it, as well....

hmm....

Profit and learning

I once heard a statement that went something along the lines of, "Within every criticism, there is a kernel of truth. It is our duty to find this truth and build upon it." Now, it is not my intention to necessarily focus on criticism, constructive or otherwise, but rather the rooting out the kernel of truth. It seems like we often find ourselves in various situations where we consider ourselves fortunate or unfortunate, I know I do, but then I habitually ask myself, Why? I try not to ask this so much with the fortunate situations, but the latter begs it to be asked overwhelmingly more.

Asking Why in an unfortunate situation initially presents itself as a third-party plea for pity, but for some of us, its merely because we're trying to learn from our mistakes - rooting for that kernel of truth that we are to learn from and build upon, and I think it is this mind frame that needs to be striven for more by society. It possess an air of responsibility and ownership that seems to be lacking to a certain extent in today's society, as well as the spirit of progression. Yes, not-so-ideal things happen, some were under our control, others weren't. It is the essence of the advanced human race to progress forward, and that can only occur through learning:

1 : the act or experience of one that learns
2 : knowledge or skill acquired by instruction or study
3 : modification of a behavioral tendency by experience (as exposure to conditioning)

synonyms see knowledge from m-w.com


To learn is to apply knowledge, and what is knowledge but solidified truth....

The Midnight Musing Section

Curse the nights you can't sleep because you took a nap earlier in the day. *sigh*

Jill of all trades...and a balancing act of many

There was a time in my life when studying the human brain scared the crap out of me. It wasn't the physical anatomy of it, but more the applied physiology part of it all. I know, hard to believe, now that I'm strongly considering a specialty in Neuro rehabilitation in addition to sports medicine, and automatically psychoanalyze everyone as a result of my fields as well. One thing about neuroscience that has always fascinated me is hemispheric dominance. Those who are more Right brain dominant are the artists, creative thinkers, whereas the Left dominants are more apt with math, facts/figures, and science related items. So, what happens when you're supposedly both?

I recently took a self-administered exam that was to generally suggest which side of your gray matter was more dominant, after the scoring had completed it was apparent that I was...equal... right and left brained. Talk about frustration! Here I am, a woman of science, and yet....I half wish I had pursued a career in a more creative arena. I recently commented to my roommate and her boyfriend that if I was smarter that I would have gone into music. I realize I had misspoke when I implied that someone has to be more intelligent to tackle music than a science profession, or that I was regretting my decision to pursue physical therapy. I love my work in athletic training and physical therapy, but I was blessed with a mind that likes and loves a lot of other things...

I admired those who, in their chosen profession, are ultimately driven and focused; those who have TRULY specialized. There are days I wish I was that focused in what I do. These are they who I think make the great discoveries because they don't bog their mind with irrelevant information. Maybe they do and I'm just vying after an intellectual gift that I wasn't meant to have. Maybe I'm just jealous. Actually, I am jealous. I've always wanted to be one of those people with a photographic memory who could do multivariable calculus and diff eq in their sleep while they save Africa from a starvation epidemic with some brilliant economic idea and pretty much performed any task given to them with flawless execution. Flawless. mind you.

Some might say that this impossible delusion is what drives me to force myself into experience various things, but if that was the case, I wouldn't be as ultimately happy as I am, I don't believe. (PS, blogger's spell check is faulty, it didn't recognize ulitmately as being incorrect... and still doesn't actually). I'd be in a consistently stressed state of depression from continually recognizing that I'm falling short of my ideal. Always. Perfection cannot exist in this mortal life. But we can sure as hell try...

I may be a master of none of my interests, but I think the key is not necessarily how much is instantly retained and immaculately applied, granted that is a large component, rather the heart that goes into it. This is most likely the still jealous part of me jabbering but I don't care. Barring raw, innate talent, I think you'd be hard pressed to find someone you admire who didn't take an active interest in their work. They're constantly reseraching, studying, making sure information is correct and current. They analyze what's working for them, what isn't and make appropriate adjustments. They, too, have their own ultimate goal for which they are striving but weren't afraid to do what it took to go after it. (Even though I'm not necessarily referring to formal occupations, this probably could be applied to that realm to a certain extent. To me, a job is work that you don't like but it's a paycheck. An occupation isn't work, but activities that could be described as a job, but you wouldn't know it. All about the mindframe).

So how do you reconcile what you want with what you know you're pretty much given?

My advice...stop comparing yourself to others and concern yourself with culturing your own level of interest, as long as you enjoy it. As soon as you stop enjoying whatever is important to you is when you need to take a break, step back, and let the scales balance out.

The road to the exta mile is never busy...

I remember when my oldest brother had just begun college, it was when email was first making it's mark on society. We had this whole list of instructions to perform to (for the most part I remember having to hit the return key 4 times on two separate occasions - but back then I had that routine down PAT!) just to be able to send this message over some modem connection through ASU servers and on to BYU. However, as the world wide web progressed to version 2.0 from the analog green screen action we were introduced to, his emails one day had this tagline at the end: "The road to the extra mile is never busy."

This phrase struck me much like any other meaningful phrase would, but it found it's way to my soul, for lack of a better, less cliche phrase. It's curiously amazing at how true that phrase is, that the road to the extra mile is never busy, but why? What is it about putting forth that above-par effort that is so repulsive? It's true, as organic organisms who are bound to the laws and suggestions of physics and chemistry, we tend to prefer paths of least resistance. It conserves energy, allowing us to store up for more worthy and worthwhile ventures. It also keeps us out of messy matters, thereby saving the added extra resources devoted to clean-up. I'm sure there are other reasons that I haven't mulled over while sitting here, but for the time being, we'll play with these.

And then you have those who don't mind expending the extra energy. What is it about being around those who don't mind taking the extra time that almost makes you, the regular Joe Shmoe, mildly guilty, or envious, jealous, or resentful of that other individual? I guess it depends on how we value our time and involvement in a project as it's compared to effectiveness. We tend to put more time and effort into things we value and have an interest in, whereas those other items and projects that are left over get assigned a lower level on the priority totem pole, leaving them at the mercy of superficial attention. To be fair, though, it would be near impossible to give everything in our lives equal amount of attention.

But we can sure the hell try.... Why? Why not. I guess my biggest problem with peers being lackadaisical when it comes to helping one another. One of my interests is people. I love people (everyone has a story to tell), and I can't remember a time when I didn't really like people. Yes, I know there are those out there who feel the exact opposite of me on this topic, but hear me out and allow me to make a case for improved quality of civil service. At the root of it all, people need each other (sorry, Bon Jovi). It doesn't necessarily matter for what purpose, but, again, at the root, I believe it to be psychological. In this particular time when we're the most psychologically distant from those we don't know, I believe many of our problems, both personal and social, could be mediated, curbed, remedied, what have you, by the simple investment of time and genuine interest. That man next to you in the street is your brother whether you like it or not, and in the end, each other is all we've got. The least we can do is take care of one another.

Yes, it may take some time out of our busy schedules, but the road to the extra mile is never busy... and I believe the potential benefits, while not assured, to be worth the effort.

To one it was given 5 and to another 3....

What is it about the experiences that we don't have that make them so attractive? The proverbial greener grass, I suppose, but at the same time, I can't help but be curious. I'm curious to what about each of our lives that warrant certain people to experience certain things and others not. Additionally, there seems to be more ways to skin a cat when it comes to learning a central concept. In my short-sighted view, I cannot help but relate my life to this case.

For instance, a good friend of mine was recently told by a significant other that it was time they go separate ways after being together for nearly 2 years and it's been evident that it's hit my friend very hard. He's been muscling through it, but I've coached enough of my friends through relationship endings to know better. I've always found a bit of irony when I find myself in a well-worn confidant seat in that I've never been in a long standing relationship and, in theory, I should be the last person anyone turns to for understanding, sympathy, and salving advice. Maybe it's because I just happen to be standing there at the time, who knows, but at the same time, what is a love lost but nothing more than a lost friend. And I know lost friends.

I've always wondered what my friends were suppose to have learned from failed relationships. I believe everything happens for a reason, for our own profit and learning if you will (and I will). For everyone it's different with every episode, for some it's to learn respect, for others, it might be to gain emotional strength, and for yet another it might be to learn to be selfless. But, if I may be selfish for a moment, I can't help by wonder why I've never had that luxury. Everytime I express this sentiment, I'm consistently told that I'm lucky, but is that true? To never have that banter with another human being, to never have a broken heart....it almost seems to be part of the quintessential human experience to have your heart broken at least once.

However, while I cannot sympathize, I can empathize. I may not have a resume for matters of the heart, but I do have a resume for interpersonal relationships. And as I said before, what is love lost, but nothing more than a lost friend. Love comes in many forms, and the purest form, the kind that lasts forever, I believe is a combination of them all. In my profession, I don't just treat musculoskeletal conditions, I treat people. It's on that basic level that I maintain everything should exist, and that is how I treat my patients and athletes. I treat them as a person, and is that not how a friend treats another friends, or a lover treats a significant other?

So I guess the moral of the story is that I should consider myself lucky... and yet I still wonder about that other patch of grass...

and for those of you who are still curious, I've never had a relationship because the timing has never been right. My education and my work present a daunting exterior to prospective suitors - someone like me is not for the faint of heart. I've always remained open to the challenge and the opportunity of devoting myself to just one person, however, there are some lessons I still need to learn apparently before I am granted that privilege. And it is a privilege.... never treat it like it isn't. Until then, I devote myself to the people I am called upon to mend...

Hope for the pack rats

I know I shouldn't be writing this, but I am anyway. Over the past few days, I've been thinking about how I don't really keep records of my life in traditional ways. I've tried journals, believe me, but I just can't keep them. I'm insanely lazy when it comes to documenting my existence formally, and I use to make the excuse that my being a pack rat does that for me anyway. It's true, I keep just about everything. There are those out there cringing at the very thought of all the stuff that I've accumulated, but I can't help it. I'm a sentimentalist, it's my way of showing what I've done and where I've been (sort of), it helps me remember past times, and it's bailed me out of some sticky situations (like when I was applying to PT schools - THIS IS WHY YOU KEEP YOUR SYLLABI!).

Yet, at the rate of accumulation I'm currently proceeding at, I'm going to end up like my father. Not that I don't love my father, believe you me, I am my father's child (in many more ways than one), but there just comes a time when there is too much stuff to go through. When I feel so fed up with the stuff that I have, I wish I was more judicial and pragmatic as my mother (and just so you know, I'm as equally like my mother as I am my father - it's the price I pay being the baby of 3 kids, the older 2 are 7-9 years head of me, respectively). So you can see where my internal torment arises from, lol. Yet I can't bring myself to throw certain things away. I guess it's because I have this looming fear that I'm going to forget. I hate forgetting. I've been forgotten by my peers a number of times when I was growing up and I vowed that I would never do that to someone else. As a consequence of that vow and also being a very visual person, I need physical things to help keep me on track with that goal, a goal that has expanded beyond interpersonal relationships to every other aspect of my life.

I guess keeping things also feeds my other pseudoly subconscious fear of never being known. For example, the only way anyone outside of my athletic training program would have known that I had been there and performed as well as I did (or at least think I did) would be if you looked at the injury treatment records, a few select game films or talked to my CI's. At the same time, I get slapped with examples that my fears are silly and superficial ( like when I hear about former athletes still asking for me to treat them).

What is it about being forgotten that bothers me? Why do I even care so much? I guess I just want my progeny to know that they're ancestor lived. Some may never get the chance to know me, and I want them to know that they had a good example to look to, and from whom they might have gotten some of their traits. *smirk* It may also have to do the fact that I draw most of my identity from my relatives. I had a cool experience this summer where I was finally introduced to two sections of my family that I had only heard about but never met. The first being my biological grandfather's side of the family as a whole. Due to some poor decisions on my grandfather's part, he's never been apart of my life, and as a consequence neither have my great uncles and subsequent cousins on that side, until my great uncle "Shorty" passed away out in Dallas area. Consequently enough, his funeral coincided with my family's trip to see my brother out in Dallas, so we had the opportunity to attend. That was probably one of the sweetest, most self-defining occasions of my life, as I came to know a man who I wish I had known in this mortal life - what a good soul he was, and what he had meant to my father. Also, that man's children and what good people they were, and that it was only my grandfather who was the only "bad seed" so to speak. I had cousins! This probably isn't as exciting to some people, but when you come from a relatively small family, it means a little more.

Also, consequently, I had the opportunity to meet my father's father. The man that I had never known and was discouraged to ask my father about...he was nothing more than a man to me. We were cordial to one another and that was about it. It was weird for me to look at him and think this is my grandfather and to not have any sort of attachment come flooding over me like I do when I think of my mother's father, and even then he passed away when I was 12. The last thing I need this to turn into is a sob story about the lack of male authority figures in my life, but at the same time, it explains so much of me...

Due to my birth order, I've had to come to know many of the people in my life through their writings, their possessions, records, pictures, scraps of paper, knicknacks, and stories! My example for this comes from my great aunt's funeral I attended to support my father's mother out in Safford, AZ. My grandmother came from a fairly large family in the Pima, AZ area, which is a large farming community. A number of her siblings stayed local or in surrounding smaller towns, and since my grandmother moved to the valley after she married, that's another section of family I had never really known. I met some at a family reunion back in 1997, but I was 13 and who are we kidding, I barely remember meeting anyone. (I also realize now that everytime I lose a relative, I gain about 15 more at their funeral). But to get off that tangent, for my grandmother's family, I had only known them through stories and letters and a few pictures. It was a treat to finally put faces with the names I had so often heard from her. Meeting my great-aunts and reintroducing myself to the great-uncles and the various cousins was different - I formed attachments that day, ones that I didn't even know about until months later. (My great aunt Elouise later told my grandmother in a phone call that I was the first person in a long time who had just treated her like a human being when I met her - a great source of pride for my grandmother for one (I'll explain another time) but also for me, as that comment was a measurement for how I treat people I barely know).

I get jealous of those who still have their great grandparents living and have both sets of grandparents with lots of cousins to bend upon, but at the same time, I wouldn't wouldn't change much about my family... only that I wish we all lived much closer to one another so I can hear the stories on a more regular basis and feel the love and safety more often.

Moral of the story: it's okay to be a pack rat...

This past week I had major frustrations with the AC at the office. Oh...it only went out for about three days. It got so hot at some points we had to cancel patients for a day and a half and then it melted the rollers on our postage meter. lol that stuff was lacquered! heavens. there really are days I hate being back in that little room with 4 computer towers and 15 other things that create copious amounts of heat. *fans herself* but things are back online.

So needless to say it's been an easy week work wise, I didnt even have to go in to Swift! So no truckers and a sketchy office climate made for a relatively low stress week for me. In the mean time, it's been a lot of reading, lots of movies, lots of time spent on the art site making up for months of neglect. oy. Yes, I've hit the bottom of the social chain, but y'know it's not so bad. my only thing is that when I actually want to go do something, I have no where to go. Funny how in tiny little Provo, I had more to do or at least more options to make up stuff to do. In the 5th largest city, my options are limited as I don't drink or golf...and have an overprotective mother. Ironic.

I almost feel like a prodigal son ( or daughter in this case ) right now as I sit here typing. It's been over year since I've approached the Anger Management Seminar. Partially because Im not really angry anymore...okay that's a lie, somewhat, but life has been more than interesting since I was accepted into the athletic training program at BYU. And for the record, I think it's best to read this blog while listening to "Kindly Unspoken" by Kate Voegele on repeat.

Anyway, I know Im not the best journal writer. I sit and claim that I write better than I talk, which, while true, forgets the small adendem that I might not write on a consistently frequent basis. There are some reasons for this accompanied with excuses: I'll admit it, Im a creature that tends to go the path of least resistance unless I have a deadline. I have given in to being trained to requiring a deadline to get things done. Clearly this is a phase of the common man I need to overcome, but that will be a long hard habit to fight, so don't expect immediate results - primarily because it doesnt have a deadline. Besides being lazy, long days and early classes didn't help. Being in the athletic training program means you willingly sign your life over to the Athletic Department for a 2 year service project, and I mean this in the kindest, but most practical way ever. Some people I dont think understood what life as a student trainer entailed until they were neck deep into their schedules - these are they who I think complain and refuse to take advantage of the situation. In the program, some things are handed to you, but there's a good deal that you have to seek out yourself if you're going to glean everything you can from being there. Then there were those who knew a good deal of what they were getting into - these are they who, while not exactly happy about the situation, make the best from day to day. I fit somewhere in between these two. I partially understood what the program would demand of me, but my mother taught me to finish what I started. This principle is one of a few things that has kept me going through the days of drudgery.

On the outside, student training has the blatant appearance of usery, but it took me getting to know my staff trainers and my players to give that "usery" more of a sense of meaning. Yes, I'm required to be at practice 1.5 hrs early, and I have to stay later until everyone is treated and the paperwork is done. Yes, that cuts into classes I need to take during key hours. Yes, that requires me to take the bulk of my classes early in the morning, or in the evening, or one night a week from teachers that may or may not be the best at teaching that subject. Yes, it's the kiss of death for my social life, hobbies, or other pleasurable things I enjoy. But y'know what...we're adaptable, and I've done it. Yes, I about killed myself doing it, but I'm still alive, damn it, and I now know my limits, and i wouldnt trade that knowledge for an easier lifestyle. I wouldn't know how clutch my softball girls are, or how sweet my football boys, or how trusting my volleyball girls. I wouldnt be able to practice, or experiement with my knowledge. I wouldn't have relied upon my Heavenly Father as much to help me finish my day. Looking back on this past year, yes it was a pain, but once I'm in the training room, I can forget about the world for a moment - it's my time to be something to someone else who has come to depends on me. In my view, it's the involvement that changes the usery to learning. I refuse to be dragged down unwilling. That's how others get the best of you, I've found. How I respond is my choice and I like to hold the upper hand - that's how I mastered this beast of a schedule. Im grateful for the friends I've made along the way, because without them, it would have been harder to adjust.

With that diatribe over, ugh! let's move on to the more entertaining things. As you've probably guessed, sports was my life this year, but we had some pretty entertaining times back at the apt. and in my ward. Some highlights: Mary's dating season (5 guys at once, 4 of them in the same room one night); Sayaka's cakes and Josiah; Berkley, our 6th roommate; Kelsey's Wedding (and for a while Boyd, our other 6th roommate before Berkley); teasing Caleb at the Remmington's and Brother Remmington enjoying that so much, he was sure Caleb and I would hook up; Riley only talking to me because I was a trainer for the football team; THE DINNER GROUP!!!! And my reaction when I found out that Allan had a girlfriend back home; staying friends with Allan; Class of doooooom; Liann's smoothie parties; Stu's music; Swing dancing; my softball girls kicking the frickin crap out of Utah and making it to the 2nd round of NCAA tourney; Dr. Knight; getting to know "Cleatus" - surprising at how sweet he really is underneath all the gruffness; my football boys - EJ and never knowing his real name ( and I KNOW it's not Everlasting Joy), Justin's comments, Craig's comments, Jayson's wrist and sweetness, Judd requesting me to tape him; Billy and Adam, Gordo's flirting even though he's a married man, Sean My Camel, The Freshman ( OHHHH Grant and Isley), Sean Nu'a and Hala Paongo - two of the best polys ever born, Nate's pseudo pessimism, Dan Coates' 5 bucks on my first day; pickle juice; my own little blow torch; Steve, the asst. equip manager thinking my name was Tiffany; getting to know Tom Hunt and ADORABLE wife; Rich Nehring dutifulness; Leo's whining, and how he NEVER came in for treatment; Todd Watkins' and I somehow agreeing that I had black in me because I had a black name; Joe Semanoff's daily treatment discussions; Spad and Chencer; Eddie Keele wearing our tape jobs to practice when we hadn't passed off for taping yet; Curtis Brown cutting off my circulation while taping my ankle; Mike Fischer recognizing me on campus even though he wasnt on my squad; JP - enough said; Spencer Rickertsen (spencer!!); BENCH BALL!!!; Black Cherry powerade concoctions; Not getting anything because we were on the second rotation; learning from George =); Having coach Crowton tell my guys to back off his 1st string offense (hell yes); Lut's tacky suits; the same christmas CD over and over; Chris' sense of humor; Sean Nu'a trading a steak dinner for Amy's beanie. My volleyball girls! - Amy Schlauder introducing herself to me first off and saying we'd be seeing a lot of each other; Lexi's particular preference for Gaye, her rolled up shorts, but being a clutch hitter in tough game situations; enduring my second coach firing - congratulations jason; Jason supposedly being from Australia, even though I SWEAR he's from germany; Stim and Study Sessions; Anatomy; my taping regulars; BEING WITH LINDZ!; half of the Mens team coming to practice; Jenna - way too many laughs; Goody's hand; Stacey's hand; Goody looking too much like Mary's sister; Lolo coming to trust my taping; Louie's compliment; quality time with E Lott; converting E Lott and Goody to becoming trainers - we think; yellow powerade; teaching Hulse the pathways of the heart; quality time with the Men's team; "so ninja"; Michael Burke being our model for the venous system; Carlos - his break up with E Lott, his miff with Ashley ( who replaced Lindz ), and teaching him how to tape; LEARNING FROM GAYE!; getting to know Gaye; autonomy; the stretching routine fiasco; Cala!; Friendship with Joe Hillman; Rachel Dyer's reasoning "But Kate said I could!"; lasering Jenna; having to break it to them that I wouldn't be with them in fall; my girls DATING my football boys - just when you thought your worlds wouldn't overlap; having them put their complete trust and faith in your abilities. Aaron Well's comparing me to Jodie Foster; Dr. Draper being bipolar without his meds; Dr. Mack - can't follow his lectures, but he's so wickedly cool!; Dr. Mack picking on me since I was "the trainer" of the class; Ty surfing the conference table to Hawaii Five-0; bonding with the semestermates; Judd's lil boy; Dan.; Kathy being the truly reasonable one; Microbiology and squiggly things; Slurpee runs on Monday's; Being the world's coolest FHE mom; my canadians; "Your Father" and "Joe" - there is a difference; Bruce's hair - nothing softer or redder; the secret personality of Jared Oaks; being officially dubbed "The Doctor" - and treating the ward for almost every illness and sports medical issue; the Dr. Love scandal; Six little snowmen; becoming friends with Allan; Paul Aylworth's cynicism being overturned by a little kindness; BENJAMIN RUSSEN FORSTNER; Country Dancing with Kathy; Swing dancing at The House; RED'S!!! (in memoriam); The Dutchman; It's Raining Men; Liann's many men and going to INDIAHHHHHH; the best phone in the world - The Communicator; Men's volleyball games; Michael Burke - enough said; three dates in a day and a half; Spring Semester - rooming with Sam and Wendy; gaining a new sister in Sam; Fridays at Guru's; Bruce and Jacob; Kelvin and Aaron; My boy's in #14; Chemistry 106 with half my football team and some amazing brainiacs with one wicked awesome TA; Chem 107 lab with a TA who was unknowingly after my own heart and sarcastic beyond belief - he really softens when you call him on it, it's surprising; the wannabe surgeon; always being the last one done; Dr. Linford's homework assignments - 30 hrs of chemistry a week; HIS TESTS!; Dr. Linford almost blowing himself up; teaching Sam how to play catch with Shawn; my dancing class; Crushing on my TAs; the Crash Apt.; Hender; School of Rock; Spencer, Sam, and the Newsroom; Forehead Kissing Steve; Chemistry Quiz comments; Somehow getting a d*** B in the class; heart to hearts with Sam; growing closer to friends with whom I may never associate again with in the future - but you never know. And I came home...

It's been a busy year, and while mentally exhausted, it was a good year. Im still recouperating, but by the time the 29th rolls around, I'll be ready to go out fighting. I just hope it's ready for me. Y'all be good. Until next time...

So I was thinking to myself, and I said self.... I'm going to break the chain. I'm getting off the bandwagon. *hops up on the soapbox* I'm fixing the broken record!!! I'M GOING TO BE CONSISTENT WITH MY BLOGS!!!

*hands begin to shake from the detox*

And so....I shall begin.....tomorrow =D


Quiznage

1. Your name spelled backwards.
etak...sounds like an internet investment company doesnt it?
2. Where were your parents born?
Not here, lol
3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
The latest version of iTunes *busts a move*
4. What's your favorite restaurant?
PF Changs, Pete's, Cafe Rio, Wendys on weak moments, Melting Pot *drools*, and Sonic for their cherry limeades MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
5. Last time you swam in a pool?
you know, that's a great question. I think it was back in february sometime before I started jumping.
6. Have you ever been in a school play?
Nope...Im good if I dont sweat profusely during a piano recital!
7. How many kids do you want?
Three or four, I'd be willing to go to 5, possibly 6, but they're going to be adopted.
8. Type of music you dislike most?
Rap and the lastest trends in R&B are turning me off
9. are you registered to vote?
I sure am! Can I choose neither for the next election? I will vote to elect ashipoo! Boo to the yah!
10. Do you have a car?
I surely do. It's purty, but its dirty
11. Have you ever ridden on a moped?
Not that I recall. *looks at the questionaire weirdly*
12. Ever prank call anybody?
Im still planning it.
13. Ever get a parking ticket?
squeaky clean!
14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
Maybe, if I could find someone to go with me.
15. Farthest place you ever traveled?
Farthest from here would have to be London
16. Do you have a garden?
I live in Arizona...I need Cacti!
17. What's the size of your bed?
queen at home + 62 quilts, and the wonderful..single up in the cubby hole in Utah
18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
Am I American?
19. Bath or Shower, morning or night?
Either, but in the morning to wake me up
20. Best movie you've seen in the past 4 months?
Movies? what are those?
21. What's the next movie you want to see?
Van Helsing *drools* Oh Hugh....
22. Chips or popcorn?
Totally depends on my mood.
23. Have you ever broken any hearts?
Sadly, yes. *sniffles* It was hard...but it had to be...
24. Premarital sex?
ROTFLOL I cant even get a boyfriend, lets be honest here
25. Are you a good cook?
I like to think so. No one's died yet =)
26. Orange or Apple juice?
Usually orange in the morning, but I've had hankerings for apple lately
27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine?
Rob and Jill, and we went out to a local Chinese restaurant in Thatcher, Arizona! woohoo!!
28. Favorite type of drink?
cherry limeades =D
29. Best thing in the world?
Laughter, and good company
30. Have you ever broken a bone?
Nope!! heheheehe!
31. Have you ever won a trophy?
Course, psh. lol jk, but I did get some small stuff from middle school...funny how it stopped after that *furrows brow*
32. What is your favorite board game?
Life! Card Game? strip poker =^D
33. What is your dream car?
68 mustang convertible =D dark blue
34. Ever order an article from an infomercial?
Like the Gazelle?! nope
35. Coke or Pepsi?
Coke, hands down.
36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?
Yup, every day to work! got my scrubbies!
37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?
Pharmacy? Guaifenesin
38. Who are you going to marry?
Hell, if I know
39. Who would you like to meet?
David Dellucci, Mark Grace =)
40. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Yes and no.
41. What features do you find most attractive in the opposite sex?
Eyes, smile, sense of humor.
42. Where would you go for a romantic evening?
Decisions, decisions. Anywhere in the smokies
43. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
more than I use to =D
44. Last song stuck in your head?
Hungarian Rhapsody
45. Any pets?
My baby puppy Manti
46. What's your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character?
Linda Richman, The Church Lady, and things Anna Gestyer/Will Farrell/Cheri Oteri
47. What is one thing you would like to learn to do?
Learn to ride english saddle, or bloody drive stick!
48. What do you do when you are bored?
Stare at the wall, mess around online, call people and see what they're doing and if I can come annoy them... You know, the usual.
49. If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go? Europe!
50. What is one thing you are grateful for today?
Being alive (I started to nod off driving home from thatcher yesterday EEK!)

I miss volleyball and Ive been having nightmares about marriage....

So I know i havent blogged since my engagement, what can I say, the ups and downs have ruined me. jk. But on Wednesday, something HORRIBLE happened!!! I hyperextended my thumb in volleyball. Yes, yes Im perfectly okay, and its trying to recover, but its my right thumb, and I kinda need that hand. Its not like you can just splint the thumb and expect everything to go all honky dory y'know. And on top of that, I've caught what my roomie has and so its minor minor body aches and sneezing. Trying to fight it best I can, but we shall see. OHH!!!!! I GOT INTO MY PHYSIOLOGY LECTURE!!! My blessed friend Katie Lund called me up this morning informing me that she changed her major and was dropping her phsy. lecture and asked if I would like to have it. Nearly speechless, I couldnt think of what to say and so I baked her my SPECIAL BROWNIES. Nothing says thank you like those. Yum Yum! I dont know what I've done to deserve this, but hell Im going to do well. Like this is so momentus, I dont know if any of y'all can really understand...unless you know what it feels like to have only 4 pre-reqs for your major, and when you went to register, you got 1/2 of the but the last component was completely filled. And at BYU, its insane if you hit it right and happen to be logged in when someone drops it...assuming they realize they dont need it, or it conflicts, which with physiology...good luck. Everyone needs that class....and if I wouldnt ahve gotten in, this would ahve meant either cry and beg at the beginning of next semester or wait until next winter to apply to my program. *throws hands up* Blessed day. and my thumb hurts so I will end today's record. =)

SUCH a fun day today! Today like rocked. Woke up and had our Relief Society breakfast with our advisor (she's sooooo cute) and then my president, another society's counselor and I took the excess down to a pregnant sister who's bedridden due to her baby. =^) Came back home and cleaned up our Apt for cleaning checks with my roomie Ada. Then Ada, our neighbor Amanda, her friend Laura, and I went out to lunch at Betos OH SO good, I had their Carne Asada burrito mmmmmmm! Came home to change cars because Ada lost her key earlier this week and we went down to Lowes to get mine copied for her. ahaha she choose this kickin key thats all covered in this leopard print, so she has THE key. Next we decided to go shopping so we went down to Old Navy and picked up some clothes (I only escaped with a shirt and gloves) and then went up to Buckle where I proceeded to get 3 pairs of jeans...this is like a first for me because designer jeans and I just like never happen. hehe they FIT my hips! like, I cant help my femurs and greater trochanters dude...and they go with my curves OH so nicely;^) Ada and I came home and I changed into my new shirt and jeans and went out with my RS President Jamie to see a movie. We wanted to see Radio, but it was sold out so we ended up seeing School of Rock. I laughed, I was a fan of Jack Black tonight. So we come out of the movie and outside the theater there's this raised dodge ram (diesel of course) waiting for some reason and it was packed with guys. They looked like HS seniors but whatever. They made some sort of comment as Jamie and I walked toward my truck. I just kept walking because IM like ya whatever, eat your hearts out. Ya I was swinging it in my kickin new outfit and boots oh ya. But the next thing I know...I hear a diesel engine behind me...Ya they TOTALLY FOLLOWED US! They drove by slowly and were like "mmmm I think they're too hot for us..." I just blew'em a kiss and kept walkin. I dont care if they were seniors, I GOT HIT ON TONIGHT! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! Jamie and I were gigging so bad in the car. James and I got some ice cream at the Creamery and then went back to my old dorm lobby to chill while we ate. My girl lindz was working the RA box tonight so I went to talk to her, got her and Jamie talking and stuff and we were all fine and grand. When this happens. This one girl comes up to us and asks us if any of us were engaged, she was on a scavenger hunt and she had to get the John Handcocks of an engaged couple and the date of their wedding. We just laughed it off, but I was like, well I could be. Just at that moment, a guy RA came walking up. *smirks* I bet you can guess what happened next. Nex thing I knew, he was on the floor begging my hand in marriage...Dang I think I might wear these jeans more often.. LOL It was funny, so as an engaged couple we signed it and then promptly had "complications" and I had to give him back his ring. It was heartbreaking. James even got a pick of me in my elated state, it was hilarious. lol So to get me over him, Jacob has a boy from his floor lined up for me. how sweet of him =^P The rest of the night we just chilled and then my girl Liann (who's also an RA) came in, HUGGED!!! and we all just hung out. Good night...oh sucha good night.

YAY!!! SUCH a good day! A on my D&C test, decent lecture in Anatomy, saw some thing funny, saw my girl Mary, which ALWAYS makes me smile, good day in chem, but I can se I have some work to do, got an A FINALLY on Lab quiz, which made my mama proud because it was over the heart and the arterial system (she specialized in cardiac for her MSN), my good looking male TA used his arm as a diagram (we did the venous system today)...damn that boy is ripped... and I got to see my Helen today. HEHE!

So it started to snow again today...ya and it pelted me in the face to AND from TWO of my classes....and they were hours apart. What the HELL is up with this!? LOL This is getting unreasonable, but whatever! But it was an intereseting day. We started Skill Testing in Volleyball which pretty much involves us going through different V-ball Skillz to see if their mad enuff yo. It was kinda boring, but hey, if it helps me fine tune, amen. Chem was interesting because we started Molecular Orbital and Valence Electron theory...TOTALLLY new stuff, but it seems fun. The most interesting part of the day came when my roomie Ada asked me if I wanted to come along to her friend Mitch's birthday at P.F. Changs....hmmm stay at home and do my take home test w/o my notes...or go to P.F. Changs....guess which one won out. ;) COURSE I went to Changs, hell yes! Well the roomies of birthday boy were friends of Ada too so they picked us up. One of them kinda hit on me during the course of the night, but the the paramount moment was when he said I looked like Kate Moss. Now...Im one to accept every compliment I get right off. *pauses and bites lip* But I think Kate Moss was a bit much, especially since she's a supermodel. I mean...lol...not to diss the chap, he was interesting enough as is, kinda cute too, but.....*bites lip* Do I LOOK like Kate Moss to you!?!?!?! I dunno, Im just wiggin. But it was a fun night even though he didnt talk to me during dinner, or on the ride home, but whatever. So much for being Kate Moss ROTLFOL I AM SO MEAN!!!!! WHY AM I SO HORRIBLE!?!?!!?!?!? I really am a Shrew

OKay so this is the 4th, thats right THEEEEEE 4TH DAY STRAIGHT that its snowed. Not that I mind snow, Im actually a huge fan of it...but when it pelts you in the face as you jog to volleyball and the PELTS YOU GOING ON THE RETURN...i.e. the snow drift CHANGED DIRECTIONS just to spite me...is another thing. I mean...come on! I just want to know who leaked to the Weather that Im a poor Arizona girl who needs to be pelted in the face by snow and not by ever beautiful SUNSHINE! At least it wasnt windy...oh thank heavens it wasnt windy, I would have died. Lil Kate-sicle on the side of the road. Anywho, so I took my chem quiz early this go round because from here on out apparently they're on Mon-Tues...which is SOOO not good. I'd love to take it on Tues after my Chem Lab TA Jared explains to me whats going on in Laman's terms, but that puts a kink in everything in a sense. I dont like going to the testing center after5 or 6 due to a bad experience I had one time with my MFHD test last year. I got there, and apparently like 15 other professors decided to have their tests all end on the same day, and there was a line out the testing center past the JSB which is a good 50 yards out. This does not include the line snaking around over itself a few times like Disneyland once you actually got INSIDE the testing center. Thankfully they stayed open an hour after the last test was handed out, but yeah it was just a bad experience overall. So now Im like forever scarred and afraid that I'm going to ahve to face that line again if I go after 6 and not have enough time to finish my quiz. Stupid Tuesdays!!! Hopefully I pulled it off, which I think I did, but it took me over an hour to do it beacuse of, get this, the resonance Lewis structures of Urea (NH2)2CO for those of you who wanted to know the chemical make up of Urea. lol Robs, you think YOURE blogs are random....ROTFLOL. Just take a tour inside my ever synapsing mind. =p Alrighty, Iguess I should be getting back to work...y'all be good!

God must truly love us because he gave us snow fall...I have to say its one of the most beautiful things in the world. =^) Happy Halloween...

Okay so today I wake up at 5 in the morning to write my D&C paper. It's only 3-4 pages and I've been a shmoe who cant organize herself academically and put it off until now. So I shower, get some hot chocolate in me, and proceed to formulate my paper from the notes I had taken on the topic. Write write write write bathroom write write write write turn off air conditioning write write write write write write write write eat some cheese write write write write write write write write bathroom again write write write write YAY! Im done with 8-10 min before I had to leave for class. WHEW! Haul up to class but on the way my iPod freezes.....jerk...... I know how to fix it but it takes so dang long, its a frickin pain and its a lonely walk without music so what do I do? Bust out the Cerebral iPod *nods and grins* HA! Just when they thought they had me. D&C goes really well, all fine and dandy, I come home, change out my books, off to Anatomy where I proceed to find out that I got a 75% on my lab midterm, which is frickin CRAP because i studied so frickin hard, and I thought I did a lot better that I had....but reportedly theres a 6 point curve so that puts me up to like a B or something, but just the fact that I knew these...like if they frickin took off for spelling, Im-Im=Im...just going to deal with my ANGER and FRUSTRATION and retake this bloody course next semester. My dad doesnt like how they do lab up here too, so that means that Lab is crap...reportedly, yet again, the lecture professors or even the TA professor dude is mad at the TA's for what they've been doing, so yeah. I bop out of Anatomy and LO! its slushy snowing kind of! I grab soem food from the Wilk and head off to Chem lab. Chem lab was....interesting....got out of there and LO! AGAIN! ITS FULL OUT SNOWING! Yes, Im talking white puffy fat snowflakes! So I get to walk home in the snow which was cool. =^P So here I am, about to grab some sustinance before I study for anatomy lab ( I swear my only solace in that farce is I do get to play around with cadavers....and Garrett =^) Why does he have to be a TA. We could have been something...but no...he's authority. Da**) Oye!