There's something to be said about the gift of choice. As cliché as it is to celebrate the turning of the new year with seemingly trivial resolutions, I've often found the zeal that accompanies such a tradition of reformation inspires a feeling of empowerment that is ubiquitous within us, yet not often utilized.
It's not often we sit down, take a look at whatever is going on in our life and actively resolve to do something differently outside of those extenuating circumstances we've all come to know, love and appreciate in hindsight. (But isn't that the point of having those moments where it becomes so bloody painfully obvious that something needs to change?) I could delve into my theories on why we don't have more meaningful re-evaluations that might lead to productive change... but, instead I think I'll stand to suggest that the waking moments we have in this life are an opportunity to make whatever we want of this we like!
So... what will you choose this year? Your paints are before you...
Sunday, January 02, 2011
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Thoughts on a reflection of a consecrated life
I find myself particularly drawn toward an address by D. Todd Christofferson, entitled “Reflections on a Consecrated Life.” To consecrate something is to set it apart or dedicate it as sacred, devoted to holy purposes. In his talk, Christofferson draws from the example of Jesus Christ to outline 5 key elements that contribute to the consecration of one’s life to the building of the kingdom of God on this Earth in this life, namely: purity, work, respect for one’s physical body, service and integrity.
Purity
Purity, it seems, is the ultimate elusive goal. We have been instructed that to return to our Father’s presence, we must be pure, even as His Son, Our Lord and Savior, is pure and yet it seems like we are incapable of keeping ourselves free of sin to some degree. To be pure does not necessarily mean to be absolutely perfect in the sense which we imperfect mortals define it. It does mean, however, that we repent of our sins and transgressions, throw off the false mantles of pride in all of its forms, and adorn ourselves with the spirit of submission, adopting a desire for the correct, and acceptance of our individual developing subplot within the Lord’s Master plan.
We are constantly invited to come unto Christ, be perfected in Him, and become a “saint” through the Atonement of Christ. However, in this day and age, with the Adversary as bold in his tactics as he is, developing a pure constitution is becoming increasingly difficult. So, what do we do? To borrow from both B.H Roberts and a dear friend I knew many years ago, I submit this proposal. Everyone we meet and keep company with, takes a little of us with them. Doing what is necessary keep constant company with the Lord and maintain the standing invitation to the Holy Ghost will “by the very force of association,” allow us to eventually make “the light and wisdom of God [our] own,” as we consistently choose to consecrate our lives to His holy purposes.
Work
The Savior’s example of an established work ethic began at a young age. Work, in terms of our existence, takes many forms. As we convert ourselves to the Gospel of Jesus Christ, we feel a natural inclination to assist the Father and the Savior with Their work. While it is always good to “put your shoulder to the wheel”, per se, I’ve additionally taken fancy to the viewpoint of the Negro spiritual, “Ain’t got time to die”, which conveys the essence of a consecrated life: A man being too busy working, doing, and living the Gospel to be bothered with the pestering nature of death.
Temporally, work enables us to sustain and enrich our lives, as well as to survive life’s disappointments. Work can give us a sense of self-worth, assist in refining our character, and “ is the instrument of our service to one another and to God. A consecrated life is filled with work, sometimes repetitive, sometimes menial, sometimes unappreciated, but always work that improves, orders, sustains, lifts, ministers, aspires.” For anything to progress, work must be utilized – it cannot succumb to the siren call of stagnation., or idleness.
However, as we know, all work and no play doesn’t lead to a joyful existence. We must choose to balance our lives with wholesome recreation, taking in the best forms of entertainment that further enrich and support a consecrated life.
Bodily Respect
One cannot begin to fully engage in a consecrated life without the gift of a mortal physical body to house our eager spirit. If you think about it for a moment, this body you now enjoy is one of the central, catalytical reasons for why we are here now. Regardless of its shape, size, or imperfections, your body is essential for exaltation and is your personal mechanical vehicle by which your spirit gains experience and knowledge necessary to obtain the highest degree of glory. Because of our knowledge of our body’s purpose, we must “acknowledge our duty to God with respect to this crowning achievement of His physical creation” and in turn, earnestly care for it the best way we know how.
In my brief studies of anatomy, physiology, psychology, chemistry, physics, nutrition, and biomechanics, I have discovered that, for the most part, the body is a literal machine that puts out exactly what you put into it. The body doesn’t lie, and if something goes awry, it should not be because we didn’t take care of it properly.
Integrity
Integrity is the quality of being honest and having a strong moral character. We have been charged from the beginning to be honest in our dealings with one another, and any earnest seeker of a consecrated life would do well to remember that. We are accountable foremostly to God, who will judge our works from our allotted time here on this earth. A former Chief Justice of the Arizona Supreme Court had a famous piece of advice he would tell each of his children: Be good. And that was that. To “be good” meant for them to choose to conduct themselves in the way their Father in Heaven would have them, and summed up everything he wanted his children to remember as they transitioned into independence, as there is a right and a wrong, and a poor, better, and best decision to make in every situation. From Elder Christofferson, “A consecrated life does not seek to take to take advantage of another.” Being a person of integrity will afford you the ultimate trust of those with whom you associate, especially with your Father in Heaven.
Service
I transposed the order a little to make this the final tenet I discuss with you because it is the nearest to my heart. I want you to reflect on something for a moment: Why do you help someone? Is it because others are watching? Because of someone else’s expectations? Or because of genuine concern for that person’s welfare? Since I was a small, my parents had my brothers and I involved in doing what my mother called “good works.” In laymen’s terms she meant service, but she’s from Tennessee, so that translates to “good works” in her vernacular. These good works ranged from staying after most if not every church activity to help clean up, supporting service projects, donating blood when we were old enough, preparing meals for new mothers, you name it and my brothers and I did it. My mother would additionally direct our attentions to people who devoted much of their lives to doing good works, like the Savior, the prophets of God, as well as Eleanor Roosevelt, Albert Schweitzer, and even some of the local people we knew from Church and school. My mother’s focus on service even extends to her office at school where she works as a nurse. She has a tin full of lemon drops that she’ll reward to a lucky child if they correctly answer her one simple question, “What good have you done for humanity today?” (which is a heavy question if you’re a 7 year old, if you ask me, but lemon drops get handed out, so their answers must be legitimate)
For many years, I never really understood what good works, or service, was; I just assumed it was doing something because no one else was going to do it. As years passed and I matured, I learned through trial, and many hours of long suffering why my mother was so adamant about us lending a hand at every available opportunity - to instill in us the value of not only work, but that of learning to be helpful, what it was to fill a need, and to be grateful for everything that we have been blessed with but imparting of that substance to those who need it more than we do.
As part of the baptismal covenant in Mosiah 18, new members to the Church of God were described as being a people who are:
From Elder Christofferson, “Jesus demonstrated that a consecrated life is a life of service. Hours before the agony of His Atonement began, [arguably the greatest act of service in this life], the Lord humbly washed His disciples feet, saying to them:
A consecrated life has the ability to influence many for good, as well as to lay the foundation for our own joyful eternity. We have been allotted a finite amount of time here on this earth, and what we choose to do with that time moment to moment, we will have to account for before the Lord at the end. I encourage each of you to develop the requisite faith to make the decision to wholly consecrate your lives to the cause of Christ, “that we shall appear to be like him” and be a united force for good on our Father’s behalf. I leave this with you with my testimony of its truthfulness.
Purity
Purity, it seems, is the ultimate elusive goal. We have been instructed that to return to our Father’s presence, we must be pure, even as His Son, Our Lord and Savior, is pure and yet it seems like we are incapable of keeping ourselves free of sin to some degree. To be pure does not necessarily mean to be absolutely perfect in the sense which we imperfect mortals define it. It does mean, however, that we repent of our sins and transgressions, throw off the false mantles of pride in all of its forms, and adorn ourselves with the spirit of submission, adopting a desire for the correct, and acceptance of our individual developing subplot within the Lord’s Master plan.
We are constantly invited to come unto Christ, be perfected in Him, and become a “saint” through the Atonement of Christ. However, in this day and age, with the Adversary as bold in his tactics as he is, developing a pure constitution is becoming increasingly difficult. So, what do we do? To borrow from both B.H Roberts and a dear friend I knew many years ago, I submit this proposal. Everyone we meet and keep company with, takes a little of us with them. Doing what is necessary keep constant company with the Lord and maintain the standing invitation to the Holy Ghost will “by the very force of association,” allow us to eventually make “the light and wisdom of God [our] own,” as we consistently choose to consecrate our lives to His holy purposes.
Work
The Savior’s example of an established work ethic began at a young age. Work, in terms of our existence, takes many forms. As we convert ourselves to the Gospel of Jesus Christ, we feel a natural inclination to assist the Father and the Savior with Their work. While it is always good to “put your shoulder to the wheel”, per se, I’ve additionally taken fancy to the viewpoint of the Negro spiritual, “Ain’t got time to die”, which conveys the essence of a consecrated life: A man being too busy working, doing, and living the Gospel to be bothered with the pestering nature of death.
Temporally, work enables us to sustain and enrich our lives, as well as to survive life’s disappointments. Work can give us a sense of self-worth, assist in refining our character, and “ is the instrument of our service to one another and to God. A consecrated life is filled with work, sometimes repetitive, sometimes menial, sometimes unappreciated, but always work that improves, orders, sustains, lifts, ministers, aspires.” For anything to progress, work must be utilized – it cannot succumb to the siren call of stagnation., or idleness.
However, as we know, all work and no play doesn’t lead to a joyful existence. We must choose to balance our lives with wholesome recreation, taking in the best forms of entertainment that further enrich and support a consecrated life.
Bodily Respect
One cannot begin to fully engage in a consecrated life without the gift of a mortal physical body to house our eager spirit. If you think about it for a moment, this body you now enjoy is one of the central, catalytical reasons for why we are here now. Regardless of its shape, size, or imperfections, your body is essential for exaltation and is your personal mechanical vehicle by which your spirit gains experience and knowledge necessary to obtain the highest degree of glory. Because of our knowledge of our body’s purpose, we must “acknowledge our duty to God with respect to this crowning achievement of His physical creation” and in turn, earnestly care for it the best way we know how.
In my brief studies of anatomy, physiology, psychology, chemistry, physics, nutrition, and biomechanics, I have discovered that, for the most part, the body is a literal machine that puts out exactly what you put into it. The body doesn’t lie, and if something goes awry, it should not be because we didn’t take care of it properly.
Integrity
Integrity is the quality of being honest and having a strong moral character. We have been charged from the beginning to be honest in our dealings with one another, and any earnest seeker of a consecrated life would do well to remember that. We are accountable foremostly to God, who will judge our works from our allotted time here on this earth. A former Chief Justice of the Arizona Supreme Court had a famous piece of advice he would tell each of his children: Be good. And that was that. To “be good” meant for them to choose to conduct themselves in the way their Father in Heaven would have them, and summed up everything he wanted his children to remember as they transitioned into independence, as there is a right and a wrong, and a poor, better, and best decision to make in every situation. From Elder Christofferson, “A consecrated life does not seek to take to take advantage of another.” Being a person of integrity will afford you the ultimate trust of those with whom you associate, especially with your Father in Heaven.
Service
I transposed the order a little to make this the final tenet I discuss with you because it is the nearest to my heart. I want you to reflect on something for a moment: Why do you help someone? Is it because others are watching? Because of someone else’s expectations? Or because of genuine concern for that person’s welfare? Since I was a small, my parents had my brothers and I involved in doing what my mother called “good works.” In laymen’s terms she meant service, but she’s from Tennessee, so that translates to “good works” in her vernacular. These good works ranged from staying after most if not every church activity to help clean up, supporting service projects, donating blood when we were old enough, preparing meals for new mothers, you name it and my brothers and I did it. My mother would additionally direct our attentions to people who devoted much of their lives to doing good works, like the Savior, the prophets of God, as well as Eleanor Roosevelt, Albert Schweitzer, and even some of the local people we knew from Church and school. My mother’s focus on service even extends to her office at school where she works as a nurse. She has a tin full of lemon drops that she’ll reward to a lucky child if they correctly answer her one simple question, “What good have you done for humanity today?” (which is a heavy question if you’re a 7 year old, if you ask me, but lemon drops get handed out, so their answers must be legitimate)
For many years, I never really understood what good works, or service, was; I just assumed it was doing something because no one else was going to do it. As years passed and I matured, I learned through trial, and many hours of long suffering why my mother was so adamant about us lending a hand at every available opportunity - to instill in us the value of not only work, but that of learning to be helpful, what it was to fill a need, and to be grateful for everything that we have been blessed with but imparting of that substance to those who need it more than we do.
As part of the baptismal covenant in Mosiah 18, new members to the Church of God were described as being a people who are:
“8…willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;We begin to feel love for those we barely knew because we then began to see them more as our Father and Savior see them: as our brothers and sisters, regardless of race, religion, creed, body type, hair color, financial status, or orientation. As Elder M. Russell Ballard stated in a talk from the April 2001 Conference, “…a doctrine of inclusion…That is what we believe…If we are truly disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ, we will reach out with love and understanding to all of our neighbors at all times.” As my mother always said, “We all bleed red blood.”
9. Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort
those that stand in need of comfort.”
From Elder Christofferson, “Jesus demonstrated that a consecrated life is a life of service. Hours before the agony of His Atonement began, [arguably the greatest act of service in this life], the Lord humbly washed His disciples feet, saying to them:
‘If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you. Verily, verily, I say unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him.’Those who quietly and thoughtfully go about doing good offer a model of consecration.”
A consecrated life has the ability to influence many for good, as well as to lay the foundation for our own joyful eternity. We have been allotted a finite amount of time here on this earth, and what we choose to do with that time moment to moment, we will have to account for before the Lord at the end. I encourage each of you to develop the requisite faith to make the decision to wholly consecrate your lives to the cause of Christ, “that we shall appear to be like him” and be a united force for good on our Father’s behalf. I leave this with you with my testimony of its truthfulness.
Sunday, August 08, 2010
Thoughts on a Sunday
I'm a Visiting Teaching "district leader" in my Relief Society organization and I got an email this morning from my Relief Society President regarding some updates to Visiting Teaching assignments and some general business. One item that was raised in the email was that our monthly meetings with all the other district leaders and the RS presidency to go over the needs of the women in our group would now include the Elder's Quorum auxillary over Home Teaching to put our heads together regarding the sisters.
This got me musing about my past Home Teachers, especially about the ones that made a significant impact on my life through very small means. I'm still friends with my first set of HT's when I was a freshman at BYU, but my thoughts settled around a set that I had the following year when I was a sophomore. Due the course of events, I was living with none of my adopted sisters I made freshman year, but went "pot luck" in my transition to real world living (i.e. apartment and all the responsiblities that accompany that leap). That fall, I lived with 3 new girls, 2 other sophomores and a freshman and we were civil but I never really became friends with them. Two of them changed apartments for the following semester, leaving me with the other girl who was always at her boyfriend's. Add to this my being in a private room with a dash of cliquish activity from my ward and needless to say I had a lot of quiet reflection time to myself.**
All that alone time worked wonders on my grades as I prepared to apply to the Athletic Training program, let me tell you (3.81 semester GPA that winter compared to the 3.2 semesters before lol). Something else it did was allow me to develop my relationship with my Heavenly Father and Savior. Never before had I started out being so emotionally and physically alone, and it became pressingly apparent to me that I was to sink or learn to swim.
So I swam.
But I had some help. The Lord was very kind and very mindful of me that year and I saw His hand in my life almost everyday thanks to some cueing from my mother. She told me in an email one day that I should look for something good every day, even if it was just seeing something amusing, enjoying a particular flower on campus, or getting to view a sunset on my way home.
My way home....
Lots of things happened on my way home from campus, one of favorites involved one of my Home Teachers during the Winter semester. Barrett Edwards was one of THEE guys to know in the ward at the time. We had two Elders Quorums and he was the president of one of them, he was tall, handsome, had money and drove a 300 series BMW while in college. Yeah. Barrett was released from his presidency position before Winter semester and in due course became my Home Teacher along with his roommate Jason Hunter. Barrett and Jason came to visit me every month and were amazingly dilligent about doing so. Both of them were Mac enthusiasts, so we had something in common there as well, but the thing about Barrett that's stuck with me all of these years were the rides home he gave me. On certain days when I had my even Beginning Athletic Training course that ran into the evening, I'd be walking home at dusk and at least twice a month on those days Barrett would be driving home the same way. I'd be 75 yards from the entrance to our apt complex and he'd hail me down and give me a ride that short distance, simply because it was getting dark and cold outside.
For an out-of-place 20 year old, you can probably imagine what that meant to me. (nostalgic smirk) Barrett helped me to see more clearly what a genuine servant of the Lord can be, especially one who conducts himself with full purpose of heart - what a Home and Visiting Teacher should be.
Just some thoughts I had on a Sunday...
**Barrett Edwards was not the only God-send friend I had in that apt complex or ward by any means. There were some very genuinely good people there, and heaven knows I found them (Laurie, Jamie, Arienne, Jessica, Starlee, Scott, Amber amongst others).
This got me musing about my past Home Teachers, especially about the ones that made a significant impact on my life through very small means. I'm still friends with my first set of HT's when I was a freshman at BYU, but my thoughts settled around a set that I had the following year when I was a sophomore. Due the course of events, I was living with none of my adopted sisters I made freshman year, but went "pot luck" in my transition to real world living (i.e. apartment and all the responsiblities that accompany that leap). That fall, I lived with 3 new girls, 2 other sophomores and a freshman and we were civil but I never really became friends with them. Two of them changed apartments for the following semester, leaving me with the other girl who was always at her boyfriend's. Add to this my being in a private room with a dash of cliquish activity from my ward and needless to say I had a lot of quiet reflection time to myself.**
All that alone time worked wonders on my grades as I prepared to apply to the Athletic Training program, let me tell you (3.81 semester GPA that winter compared to the 3.2 semesters before lol). Something else it did was allow me to develop my relationship with my Heavenly Father and Savior. Never before had I started out being so emotionally and physically alone, and it became pressingly apparent to me that I was to sink or learn to swim.
So I swam.
But I had some help. The Lord was very kind and very mindful of me that year and I saw His hand in my life almost everyday thanks to some cueing from my mother. She told me in an email one day that I should look for something good every day, even if it was just seeing something amusing, enjoying a particular flower on campus, or getting to view a sunset on my way home.
My way home....
Lots of things happened on my way home from campus, one of favorites involved one of my Home Teachers during the Winter semester. Barrett Edwards was one of THEE guys to know in the ward at the time. We had two Elders Quorums and he was the president of one of them, he was tall, handsome, had money and drove a 300 series BMW while in college. Yeah. Barrett was released from his presidency position before Winter semester and in due course became my Home Teacher along with his roommate Jason Hunter. Barrett and Jason came to visit me every month and were amazingly dilligent about doing so. Both of them were Mac enthusiasts, so we had something in common there as well, but the thing about Barrett that's stuck with me all of these years were the rides home he gave me. On certain days when I had my even Beginning Athletic Training course that ran into the evening, I'd be walking home at dusk and at least twice a month on those days Barrett would be driving home the same way. I'd be 75 yards from the entrance to our apt complex and he'd hail me down and give me a ride that short distance, simply because it was getting dark and cold outside.
For an out-of-place 20 year old, you can probably imagine what that meant to me. (nostalgic smirk) Barrett helped me to see more clearly what a genuine servant of the Lord can be, especially one who conducts himself with full purpose of heart - what a Home and Visiting Teacher should be.
Just some thoughts I had on a Sunday...
**Barrett Edwards was not the only God-send friend I had in that apt complex or ward by any means. There were some very genuinely good people there, and heaven knows I found them (Laurie, Jamie, Arienne, Jessica, Starlee, Scott, Amber amongst others).
Sunday, August 01, 2010
Reflections I'm apparently suppose to be having
I'm not sure if it's because I've been wishfully thinking about guys I use to date or my hormones coming into imbalance (which weakens my defense against loneliness and social ineptitude), but I had a dream last night about a gentleman who asked me out in the Testing Center at BYU when I was a freshman. As in, ACTUALLY in the testing room with the proctors roaming waiting to pounce on someone remotely suspected of cheating. (It was a very smooth transaction - he dropped a very carefully torn and folded tiny lil note on the corner of my desk while walking by. We only went out once, very sweet and very smart, but I was 19 and immature, more concerned with trivial things than what matters most because I didn't have any true bearing on what matters most).
In the dream he still had his amazing intelligence (double major in Chemical Engineering and Physics Education) and his same humble sweetness, but the connection was different this time, almost like things had been waiting for me to turn my corner so I wouldn't be such a superficial jerk to such gifts proffered me - a good man, smart man, willing to devote himself to me and an "us" and for me to finally to be in the psychosocial position to do the same.
Heh, turning corners. An interesting thought to ponder. My interpersonal relation skills on a basal level have always been good, but it was a matter of refining them, and ultimately myself, in the process. Some things I've come to realize....
- I almost lust after intelligence and the ability to create physical items at the same time. Give me a machinist or carpenter, anyone who works with their hands with common sense, tenacity, deductive reasoning skills or an equivalent IQ of 150+ any day.
- Raw attraction completes what intelligence/common sense/loyalty/all other quality characteristics don't fill. It's a fact of life and that's that.
- I'm shy when I care, and brazen when I'm confident.
- Genuine loyalty and friendship is pretty quickly determined.
- I like feeling safe more often than feeling like I have to beat up someone (I don't take well to men I feel the need to physically protect)
- True charity knows no bounds - I admire the those who don't put a price tag or a mark on the balance sheet when it comes to helping someone else out who needs it; who love without repose; who ACT on behalf of another, not just think about it or delegate it off.
- Banter exercises my brain, but I respond best to a common sensed, honest and soft hand.
- Balance - too much of a good thing is still too much of a good thing, just as not enough of a good thing, or too much of a bad thing. Common interests are a spark and a glue, differences keep things healthy.
- Being able to dance is more than just being able to reproduce preconceived notions of steps and patterns.
- Ambition is almost as luring as intelligence.
- Extracurricular talents involving the performing arts are nice, but they're more the glitter than the substance.
- Intuition needs to be balanced with Imperitive - good touch says more than words for me, but that's not how everyone operates, and I've finally come to understand that.
- How boys are is drastically different than how men are.
- I prefer a long and steady road than a short quick route
- Fear is legitimate, but never an excuse.
- Communication, in all forms, but especially verbal, will make and break it all.
It's been a long and winding road that's gotten me to where I am, and I know there are many more long and winding paths ahead. I wish I could send thanks to all those I've had the pleasure of giving myself to in all forms so that I may learn more about myself in return, but I suppose they'll figure it out eventually. Maybe.
In the dream he still had his amazing intelligence (double major in Chemical Engineering and Physics Education) and his same humble sweetness, but the connection was different this time, almost like things had been waiting for me to turn my corner so I wouldn't be such a superficial jerk to such gifts proffered me - a good man, smart man, willing to devote himself to me and an "us" and for me to finally to be in the psychosocial position to do the same.
Heh, turning corners. An interesting thought to ponder. My interpersonal relation skills on a basal level have always been good, but it was a matter of refining them, and ultimately myself, in the process. Some things I've come to realize....
- I almost lust after intelligence and the ability to create physical items at the same time. Give me a machinist or carpenter, anyone who works with their hands with common sense, tenacity, deductive reasoning skills or an equivalent IQ of 150+ any day.
- Raw attraction completes what intelligence/common sense/loyalty/all other quality characteristics don't fill. It's a fact of life and that's that.
- I'm shy when I care, and brazen when I'm confident.
- Genuine loyalty and friendship is pretty quickly determined.
- I like feeling safe more often than feeling like I have to beat up someone (I don't take well to men I feel the need to physically protect)
- True charity knows no bounds - I admire the those who don't put a price tag or a mark on the balance sheet when it comes to helping someone else out who needs it; who love without repose; who ACT on behalf of another, not just think about it or delegate it off.
- Banter exercises my brain, but I respond best to a common sensed, honest and soft hand.
- Balance - too much of a good thing is still too much of a good thing, just as not enough of a good thing, or too much of a bad thing. Common interests are a spark and a glue, differences keep things healthy.
- Being able to dance is more than just being able to reproduce preconceived notions of steps and patterns.
- Ambition is almost as luring as intelligence.
- Extracurricular talents involving the performing arts are nice, but they're more the glitter than the substance.
- Intuition needs to be balanced with Imperitive - good touch says more than words for me, but that's not how everyone operates, and I've finally come to understand that.
- How boys are is drastically different than how men are.
- I prefer a long and steady road than a short quick route
- Fear is legitimate, but never an excuse.
- Communication, in all forms, but especially verbal, will make and break it all.
It's been a long and winding road that's gotten me to where I am, and I know there are many more long and winding paths ahead. I wish I could send thanks to all those I've had the pleasure of giving myself to in all forms so that I may learn more about myself in return, but I suppose they'll figure it out eventually. Maybe.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
The "Rescue" Dog
As a little background to this post: My parents and I share a purebred Rhodesian Ridgeback. He's 8 years old, now, but he's not exactly....old...in any way, shape, and/or form. He's partially tame, gets over excited about things that are to his benefit, gets belligerent if its not, and is just now gradually coming around to the idea that when I tell him to do something, he needs to do it. I've long recognized the parallel between my role as my dog's primary parent and that of real parents, who leave their children in the care of their parents, only to collect said children in a worse behavioral state than when they left them. *hangs head* (insert long sigh). No 8 year old dog should not respond to his name nor require a spiked choke chain to walk on a leash outside of his yard.
Anyway, since I've been home more consistently, I've been working with him on responding to commands more appropriately (i.e. not lying down when I tell him to sit), his overall visual-dynamic coordination (he can now catch something in the air from various positions), BUT he's still in transition from using the choke chain while on walks outside of our yard. The added quality time that I've had with him I've come to predict his behavior and thus deduce ways to improve his obedience.
My dog has the amazing ability to get himself worked up while going to the vet. So, I tested out my theories on him today and here's the box score for the end game: Walking up hills prior to going, good idea. Letting him watch me get my truck ready for his transportation, good idea. Including his stuffed pheasant in the cargo bay, useless idea. Cheese, good idea. Other dogs in the same room as the scale, not so good idea. Alone in the room with the scale, good idea. Having a culturally specific name that has a high incidence of mispronunciation, neutral idea. Leaving him alone with your parents for 8 years, not a good idea. Using a firm but calm voice, best idea.
In the end, he walks out of the vet's office all happy and calm, not pulling on his leash. Stark contrast to when we first got there, when he was a ball of hemorrhaging catecholamines. He was so bad, one lady who was walking past earnestly asked if he was a "rescue" dog. =) No... no no no. This is just the way he is.
Anyway, since I've been home more consistently, I've been working with him on responding to commands more appropriately (i.e. not lying down when I tell him to sit), his overall visual-dynamic coordination (he can now catch something in the air from various positions), BUT he's still in transition from using the choke chain while on walks outside of our yard. The added quality time that I've had with him I've come to predict his behavior and thus deduce ways to improve his obedience.
My dog has the amazing ability to get himself worked up while going to the vet. So, I tested out my theories on him today and here's the box score for the end game: Walking up hills prior to going, good idea. Letting him watch me get my truck ready for his transportation, good idea. Including his stuffed pheasant in the cargo bay, useless idea. Cheese, good idea. Other dogs in the same room as the scale, not so good idea. Alone in the room with the scale, good idea. Having a culturally specific name that has a high incidence of mispronunciation, neutral idea. Leaving him alone with your parents for 8 years, not a good idea. Using a firm but calm voice, best idea.
In the end, he walks out of the vet's office all happy and calm, not pulling on his leash. Stark contrast to when we first got there, when he was a ball of hemorrhaging catecholamines. He was so bad, one lady who was walking past earnestly asked if he was a "rescue" dog. =) No... no no no. This is just the way he is.
Monday, January 25, 2010
All Is Fair in Love and Trust...
I've been meaning to write my thoughts on this topic for two weeks now, but for whatever reason I kept putting it off for more entertaining topics (like the cr-AZY stuff I see at the VA). But, now that I've finished my dessert, I'm ready to attack my vegetables.
I was sitting in Sunday School two weeks ago, and we were talking about the Council in Heaven. The discussion had gathered around Abraham 3:22-23, where the prophet learns about foreordination, seeing the "noble and great" intelligences amongst the droves and then being told by his Creator "thou was one of them." I cannot help but think how humbling of a moment that must have been, to learn that he was one who was most faithful and obedient during his pre-earth life. And in looking at Abraham, the proof was certainly in the pudding, he was noble and great prior to his birth was certainly most nobel and great during his time in mortality.
But in mentioning those descriptors along, "noble" and "great", someone behind me made an interesting connection that I don't think I will forget. Those spirits, or intelligences, who stood out to Abraham in this vision were most likely those other prophets who went before and came after him (and I believe the Savior was among them). I do not claim that as an all inclusive list by any means, but I know it includes them...minimum. Either way, the parallel the young man behind me proffered went something like this:
It is given that God's greatest work on this earth is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. This is not an easy task and the sheer gravity of thinking about such a prospect will drive that thought home. Just like any of our parents would only entrust their child's wellbeing into the hands of loved and capable people, Heavenly Father did the same. He chose those 'noble and great ones' to eventually become leaders of His people because He trusted them - He knew they would not fail Him. God's love does extend to every one of His children, that goes without question or doubt.... but He only trusts a few.
The thought of that hit me hard, especially in light of my Patriarchal Blessing and certain things I've experienced in my life that have testified to me that Heavenly Father must either need me for something or didn't want me to return to Him in such a state of little progression as I have obtainted (in which case only further proves His love for me as an individual). How despairing it is to think of God not trusting someone... to me that is just as grave a failure as anything else - one of the few beings who has the ability to love every single one of His children unconditionally and yet know He could not trust them w/ whatever aspect of His magnum opus...
But, indeed, we need not despair. Heaven knows we have our agency and are here to use just that. Because we have the ability to choose, we may resolve ourselves to be more consistently obedient and prove ourselves worthy of God's trust as a compliment to His love. How our agency can set us free... =)
Also, how this parallels our day to day relations we have with one another...
Something to ponder.
I was sitting in Sunday School two weeks ago, and we were talking about the Council in Heaven. The discussion had gathered around Abraham 3:22-23, where the prophet learns about foreordination, seeing the "noble and great" intelligences amongst the droves and then being told by his Creator "thou was one of them." I cannot help but think how humbling of a moment that must have been, to learn that he was one who was most faithful and obedient during his pre-earth life. And in looking at Abraham, the proof was certainly in the pudding, he was noble and great prior to his birth was certainly most nobel and great during his time in mortality.
But in mentioning those descriptors along, "noble" and "great", someone behind me made an interesting connection that I don't think I will forget. Those spirits, or intelligences, who stood out to Abraham in this vision were most likely those other prophets who went before and came after him (and I believe the Savior was among them). I do not claim that as an all inclusive list by any means, but I know it includes them...minimum. Either way, the parallel the young man behind me proffered went something like this:
It is given that God's greatest work on this earth is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. This is not an easy task and the sheer gravity of thinking about such a prospect will drive that thought home. Just like any of our parents would only entrust their child's wellbeing into the hands of loved and capable people, Heavenly Father did the same. He chose those 'noble and great ones' to eventually become leaders of His people because He trusted them - He knew they would not fail Him. God's love does extend to every one of His children, that goes without question or doubt.... but He only trusts a few.
The thought of that hit me hard, especially in light of my Patriarchal Blessing and certain things I've experienced in my life that have testified to me that Heavenly Father must either need me for something or didn't want me to return to Him in such a state of little progression as I have obtainted (in which case only further proves His love for me as an individual). How despairing it is to think of God not trusting someone... to me that is just as grave a failure as anything else - one of the few beings who has the ability to love every single one of His children unconditionally and yet know He could not trust them w/ whatever aspect of His magnum opus...
But, indeed, we need not despair. Heaven knows we have our agency and are here to use just that. Because we have the ability to choose, we may resolve ourselves to be more consistently obedient and prove ourselves worthy of God's trust as a compliment to His love. How our agency can set us free... =)
Also, how this parallels our day to day relations we have with one another...
Something to ponder.
Monday, January 04, 2010
Come, Let Us Anew...
It's hard to believe that a year has already passed, and what a year was 2009.
A year ago this month, I practically swore to my Bishop in Flagstaff that I wouldn't be taking out my endowments for a very long time, nor would I be getting married any time soon. Well... 10 months later, I received my endowment, but I'm still not any closer to getting married. One of these days...
A year ago come February will mark the 1-year anniversary my cousin and classmate, Holly, and I received a second chance at life. On a blizzardy early afternoon, February 9th, we were involved in a multi-car and semi pile up on I-40 W toward Kingman. Due to a sudden entrance into a low visibility stretch on a hill, Holly was unable to stop in time before sliding into the wheel-well of a semi that had already collided with another semi to avoid smashing into a longer stretch of piled up vehicles in front of them. I had the last look before impact, but I had the impression this wasn't the end for us. Holly and I ducked into each other and a few bangs and jerks later we were still.
Holly had the inspiration we needed to get out, and we climbed out the back window which had miraculously been avulsed from the vehicle. We hopped the guardrail and ran upstream to warn other cars just as two other semi's hauntingly crashed into the area where we had just been. The snow lifted, the sun intermittently came out and as far as we knew, other cars behind us were able to stop safely. Holly's car was totaled and all we escaped with were a subluxed SC joint for Holly and a hematoma along my anterior tibialis and a few months of sensory nerve regrowth. If both of us had stayed, we would be dead. Thankfully, no one involved that day expired - a faith reaffirming experience that I'll expound for you in a more private forum if you ask me to.
Fly fishing trips, a grandmother's health in question, and hopes for the future to plan for. I still don't know if I made the right decisions in setting up my rotations as I have them, but only time will tell, and in the end, I am the master of my education. I was offered a research position with some professors that saved my sanity and improved my confidence in myself as a clinician and a person of character. However, cleaning cadaver tanks was an experience I shall never forget. I do miss dissection.
Leaving Flagstaff for Phoenix was harder than I anticipated. I arrived there from Utah ready to leave and I left there not wanting to go...
Moving back in with my parents was interesting, as it prompted a lot of house cleaning and many donations to Good Will. The discussions resumed about when my curfew would be: Dad said 10pm because after that I was going to get shot at a streetlight while driving home, I said Midnight. Mom broke the tie with Midnight. So began my matriculation back into Phoenix society - records transferred into new singles ward, met AMAZING people that I feel very small next to, helping mom with the house, volleyball on Tuesdays, and resume unspoken repartee with my unofficial "nemesis" (?) - not sure what I would call him...
Rotations beginning and my year long training on how to be a real therapist. Scary. Started out with outpatient Neuro rehab at SWAN. Had the most patient CI in the world who I swear, thought I was crazy half the time. We were cut out of the same cloth 20 years apart. I made amazing friends there and learned a lot about myself. Moved to Utah for my 2nd rotation to finally get some closure on my life there. The rotation wasn't what I thought I needed, in the entire 8 weeks I was there, I didn't do one initial evaluation and I about had a coronary the entire first week I was there. However, it gave me much needed experience in actually treating someone....now I just need to re-learn how to go through an intake form. While the rotation was a chore at times, the dancing was great. All I did was Blues, and I made some great friends while I was at it. The Blues scene made it hard to leave Utah. That and a couple prospects I left behind.
And what would a reflection blog be without a touch on the love life (as I know so many of you are on the edge of your seats). The close of this year also saw the close of some hoped for relations, both years in the making. Upon reacquaintance, one pushed too hard too fast and scared me off, the other didn't push enough over long distance and we lost each others hearts for good. Had a few nibbles since then, but I'm open for suggestions... (however, he must be of strong constitution for heaven help the man who courts and marries a Kate).
However, whenever a door closes a window opens. A new year is upon us and I realized I lived the last 5 months of my life in fear. Fear that I wouldn't be the perfect intern, fear that I wouldn't learn what I thought I was suppose to, fear that I had screwed up my potential for happiness, and fear that my Father was mad at me. The canvas is fresh, the paints are old, but there are other fresher colors and utensils to use as well. I have rarely been one to accept fear as a reason for not doing anything I was suppose to be doing - there may be uncertainty, but no fear.
So, with that, I say hello to this brave new year, full of possibilities, challenges, and growth. Let's dance.... =)
A year ago this month, I practically swore to my Bishop in Flagstaff that I wouldn't be taking out my endowments for a very long time, nor would I be getting married any time soon. Well... 10 months later, I received my endowment, but I'm still not any closer to getting married. One of these days...
A year ago come February will mark the 1-year anniversary my cousin and classmate, Holly, and I received a second chance at life. On a blizzardy early afternoon, February 9th, we were involved in a multi-car and semi pile up on I-40 W toward Kingman. Due to a sudden entrance into a low visibility stretch on a hill, Holly was unable to stop in time before sliding into the wheel-well of a semi that had already collided with another semi to avoid smashing into a longer stretch of piled up vehicles in front of them. I had the last look before impact, but I had the impression this wasn't the end for us. Holly and I ducked into each other and a few bangs and jerks later we were still.
Holly had the inspiration we needed to get out, and we climbed out the back window which had miraculously been avulsed from the vehicle. We hopped the guardrail and ran upstream to warn other cars just as two other semi's hauntingly crashed into the area where we had just been. The snow lifted, the sun intermittently came out and as far as we knew, other cars behind us were able to stop safely. Holly's car was totaled and all we escaped with were a subluxed SC joint for Holly and a hematoma along my anterior tibialis and a few months of sensory nerve regrowth. If both of us had stayed, we would be dead. Thankfully, no one involved that day expired - a faith reaffirming experience that I'll expound for you in a more private forum if you ask me to.Fly fishing trips, a grandmother's health in question, and hopes for the future to plan for. I still don't know if I made the right decisions in setting up my rotations as I have them, but only time will tell, and in the end, I am the master of my education. I was offered a research position with some professors that saved my sanity and improved my confidence in myself as a clinician and a person of character. However, cleaning cadaver tanks was an experience I shall never forget. I do miss dissection.
Leaving Flagstaff for Phoenix was harder than I anticipated. I arrived there from Utah ready to leave and I left there not wanting to go...
Moving back in with my parents was interesting, as it prompted a lot of house cleaning and many donations to Good Will. The discussions resumed about when my curfew would be: Dad said 10pm because after that I was going to get shot at a streetlight while driving home, I said Midnight. Mom broke the tie with Midnight. So began my matriculation back into Phoenix society - records transferred into new singles ward, met AMAZING people that I feel very small next to, helping mom with the house, volleyball on Tuesdays, and resume unspoken repartee with my unofficial "nemesis" (?) - not sure what I would call him...
Rotations beginning and my year long training on how to be a real therapist. Scary. Started out with outpatient Neuro rehab at SWAN. Had the most patient CI in the world who I swear, thought I was crazy half the time. We were cut out of the same cloth 20 years apart. I made amazing friends there and learned a lot about myself. Moved to Utah for my 2nd rotation to finally get some closure on my life there. The rotation wasn't what I thought I needed, in the entire 8 weeks I was there, I didn't do one initial evaluation and I about had a coronary the entire first week I was there. However, it gave me much needed experience in actually treating someone....now I just need to re-learn how to go through an intake form. While the rotation was a chore at times, the dancing was great. All I did was Blues, and I made some great friends while I was at it. The Blues scene made it hard to leave Utah. That and a couple prospects I left behind.
And what would a reflection blog be without a touch on the love life (as I know so many of you are on the edge of your seats). The close of this year also saw the close of some hoped for relations, both years in the making. Upon reacquaintance, one pushed too hard too fast and scared me off, the other didn't push enough over long distance and we lost each others hearts for good. Had a few nibbles since then, but I'm open for suggestions... (however, he must be of strong constitution for heaven help the man who courts and marries a Kate).
However, whenever a door closes a window opens. A new year is upon us and I realized I lived the last 5 months of my life in fear. Fear that I wouldn't be the perfect intern, fear that I wouldn't learn what I thought I was suppose to, fear that I had screwed up my potential for happiness, and fear that my Father was mad at me. The canvas is fresh, the paints are old, but there are other fresher colors and utensils to use as well. I have rarely been one to accept fear as a reason for not doing anything I was suppose to be doing - there may be uncertainty, but no fear.
So, with that, I say hello to this brave new year, full of possibilities, challenges, and growth. Let's dance.... =)
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
To Be or Not To Be...? I'll Take 'Not'. Wait what?
I was on a blind double date with my former roommate Alyce, her husband, Mark, and Mark's friend Sam and the topic of conversation between Sam and I turned at one point to preferences, specifically of the personal nature.
Asked Sam, "So, if there's one thing you could change about yourself, what would it be?"
I thought about it for a moment - of course the first thing that came to my mind was my hip contour, then the unevenness of my eyebrows, and so forth, but as I thought about it further, the more I realized all those things that I would change would change the essence of who I am.
"Nothing."
"Really? Nothing?"
"Yeah. I'm actually pretty happy with myself."
"Mmmm..." replies Sam. "What about other people? If there's something you could change about one other person, what would you change?"
Heh, that's a whole 'nother can of worms... I thought about my frustrations with Sean. Nah. I thought about mother never apologizing for a thing she's done in her life that's involved me. Nah.
"You know, I don't think I'd change anything either."
"Why not?"
"Because then they wouldn't be them. Changing any of that would mold them into how we want them to be and not allow them to become whatever they're going to choose be naturally."
As much as I get annoyed and frustrated by the small things people will sometimes do, it makes them who they are to me. It's a nice idea to think about what small or large adjustments we wish we could make to people so they turn out more in line with what we think perfection is or they'd be better off if they just did... (some things are legit though, such as using it as a way to combat Indifference within the human soul).
Thoughts?
Asked Sam, "So, if there's one thing you could change about yourself, what would it be?"
I thought about it for a moment - of course the first thing that came to my mind was my hip contour, then the unevenness of my eyebrows, and so forth, but as I thought about it further, the more I realized all those things that I would change would change the essence of who I am.
"Nothing."
"Really? Nothing?"
"Yeah. I'm actually pretty happy with myself."
"Mmmm..." replies Sam. "What about other people? If there's something you could change about one other person, what would you change?"
Heh, that's a whole 'nother can of worms... I thought about my frustrations with Sean. Nah. I thought about mother never apologizing for a thing she's done in her life that's involved me. Nah.
"You know, I don't think I'd change anything either."
"Why not?"
"Because then they wouldn't be them. Changing any of that would mold them into how we want them to be and not allow them to become whatever they're going to choose be naturally."
As much as I get annoyed and frustrated by the small things people will sometimes do, it makes them who they are to me. It's a nice idea to think about what small or large adjustments we wish we could make to people so they turn out more in line with what we think perfection is or they'd be better off if they just did... (some things are legit though, such as using it as a way to combat Indifference within the human soul).
Thoughts?
Monday, December 21, 2009
Natural Affection
I was sitting in Stake Conference for the BYU 21st Stake a few weeks back and was caught up in one talk in particular that just struck me. The 4th speaker was the Stake's Sunday School President, one Bryan McKinnon, who spoke about traits that do not exist within a Zion-like community or individual. Toward the beginning, he made note of the Apostle Paul's observations regarding "natural affection" from 2 Timothy 3:1-4:
I guess it's the prospect of rampant indifference which disheartened me a little more, as I feel that Indifference is more of a stonewalling emotion, per se - a true lack of natural affection, as there essentially is none. At least with Hate there's the potential for Love to counteract because it's active and fluid, and bridling this passion can eventually lead to Love. But with Indifference..... that's the silent battle dependent upon agency and counseling with one's Creator. Although, as I've developed this thought, it's come to my attention at how my suggestion for Indifference can be the same for Hate... Yet at the same time, I can't shake the impression that Hate can be helped more than Indifference, at least through the assistance of others. Please, feel free to proffer thoughts...
Wow, this post quickly turned into a downer, didn't it. I guess I better get on with the rest of my thoughts.
I'm not naive enough to not see that Paul's words aren't already occurring in the world, or that it doesn't exist in me to a certain extent. I do, however, have enough hope in people that they're smart and aware enough to ultimately choose the least destructive paths that are always presented to them. I mean, look around.... There are people bettering humanity out of the sheer goodness of their hearts because somehow they got the clue a number of us are all missing. Some may not be very consistent, and some may be trying to make up for misdeeds of the past, but the point is is that they're choosing to act upon how I think their natural affection is moving them to do so, which opens them up to some internal remodeling, if you will. (Sorry, I couldn't let this post get away without bringing in at least one health related analogy).
I guess the question then becomes, what more can we do to keep this flow going and prevent humanity from "drying up," if you will? Brother McKinnon gave some thoughts as to how, and with your permission I'd like to add some others of my own that I've picked up from others along the way:
*I hope you'll forgive my selective paraphrasing of verses 3 and 4 - verse 2 set the stage well enough, I believe, to be able to highlight the cruxes of those last two verses.
**If that's not enough, from the accepted definitions from Merriam-Webster, "natural" being innate and "affection" being "a gentle feeling of fondness or liking" potentially including "a physical expression of these feelings."
1. This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.What resonated with me most was verse 3, the prospect of men being without natural affection. Paul did not expressly outline the definition of "natural affection," but from the passage one may deduce that it is essentially being sans charity, meaning the pure love of Christ, the love that innately starts out within us as the seedling known as the Light of Christ, that gently persuades us to do the good things we do.** This particular passage reminded me of A Picture of Dorian Gray and Brave New World, which are two of my favorite books because they illustrate what may happen when man does not possess natural affection.
2. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blashphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy;
3. Without natural affection...despisers of those that are good.
4. ....lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;*
I guess it's the prospect of rampant indifference which disheartened me a little more, as I feel that Indifference is more of a stonewalling emotion, per se - a true lack of natural affection, as there essentially is none. At least with Hate there's the potential for Love to counteract because it's active and fluid, and bridling this passion can eventually lead to Love. But with Indifference..... that's the silent battle dependent upon agency and counseling with one's Creator. Although, as I've developed this thought, it's come to my attention at how my suggestion for Indifference can be the same for Hate... Yet at the same time, I can't shake the impression that Hate can be helped more than Indifference, at least through the assistance of others. Please, feel free to proffer thoughts...
Wow, this post quickly turned into a downer, didn't it. I guess I better get on with the rest of my thoughts.
I'm not naive enough to not see that Paul's words aren't already occurring in the world, or that it doesn't exist in me to a certain extent. I do, however, have enough hope in people that they're smart and aware enough to ultimately choose the least destructive paths that are always presented to them. I mean, look around.... There are people bettering humanity out of the sheer goodness of their hearts because somehow they got the clue a number of us are all missing. Some may not be very consistent, and some may be trying to make up for misdeeds of the past, but the point is is that they're choosing to act upon how I think their natural affection is moving them to do so, which opens them up to some internal remodeling, if you will. (Sorry, I couldn't let this post get away without bringing in at least one health related analogy).
I guess the question then becomes, what more can we do to keep this flow going and prevent humanity from "drying up," if you will? Brother McKinnon gave some thoughts as to how, and with your permission I'd like to add some others of my own that I've picked up from others along the way:
- Rededicate yourself to a constructive cause greater than yourself.
- Modesty in thought, action, self-presentation.
- "Shelter yourself beneath the roof of self-mastery" (can you tell the good brother's a contractor?)
- Be honest with yourself and even more so with those with whom you interact.
- Love (Trite? Simple? ... Maybe.... But it's true. And I DARE you to dispute me on this one)
*I hope you'll forgive my selective paraphrasing of verses 3 and 4 - verse 2 set the stage well enough, I believe, to be able to highlight the cruxes of those last two verses.
**If that's not enough, from the accepted definitions from Merriam-Webster, "natural" being innate and "affection" being "a gentle feeling of fondness or liking" potentially including "a physical expression of these feelings."
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
A Word of Advisement to Guys Hoping to Become Gentlemen
Guys..... (Gentlemen, you're excused.)
I know you all have good, good hearts. And you mean well. But when a girl who is pretty by universally agreed upon social standards says she doesn't think she's pretty or looks good in pictures..... she partially means it.
Which also means she partially doesn't mean it at the same time.
It was once common knowledge that pretty much most girls will rarely like candid pictures they're in, and often use the superlative-laden statement... "I never look good...." Maybe its only other women who are attuned to this fact...
At any rate, she probably looks fine, but for whatever reason, in her eyes she doesn't, which is right in line with the way women naturally are. So, while it's a good thing to go above and beyond to make the "doubtful" young lady feel special and to attempt to boost her self-esteem in the photographic sense, anonymously or otherwise, it might be good to be mindful...in theory.... not officially, but in theory.... of what another girl you're potentially dating might think of your efforts for said pretty girl.
...Especially when you barely make an effort to make the girl you're potentially dating feel like she means something to you.
Don't worry boys, I still love you. But please try to be more aware of more than just one person, which I know is hard to do when you're excited. You've had practice of being stewards over multiple people, so this shouldn't be new to you. If it is, come talk to me and I'll write you a Dr's Note.
I know you all have good, good hearts. And you mean well. But when a girl who is pretty by universally agreed upon social standards says she doesn't think she's pretty or looks good in pictures..... she partially means it.
Which also means she partially doesn't mean it at the same time.
It was once common knowledge that pretty much most girls will rarely like candid pictures they're in, and often use the superlative-laden statement... "I never look good...." Maybe its only other women who are attuned to this fact...
At any rate, she probably looks fine, but for whatever reason, in her eyes she doesn't, which is right in line with the way women naturally are. So, while it's a good thing to go above and beyond to make the "doubtful" young lady feel special and to attempt to boost her self-esteem in the photographic sense, anonymously or otherwise, it might be good to be mindful...in theory.... not officially, but in theory.... of what another girl you're potentially dating might think of your efforts for said pretty girl.
...Especially when you barely make an effort to make the girl you're potentially dating feel like she means something to you.
Don't worry boys, I still love you. But please try to be more aware of more than just one person, which I know is hard to do when you're excited. You've had practice of being stewards over multiple people, so this shouldn't be new to you. If it is, come talk to me and I'll write you a Dr's Note.
Sunday, December 06, 2009
Things I've noticed about men lately
1. They're just as capable of being as emotionally erratic as women. It's become entertaining to me at how each sex keeps pointing fingers at one another when really we're both doing the same thing just in different ways. Strangely entertaining
2. Poli Sci majors are the most entertaining conversationally, at least for me, because they love to talk about anything, I love to banter, and they're good sports about it.
3. Younger guys have more spirit, but older guys have more maturity and experience. There are a decent amount of pro's and con's to both, and I suppose the advantage goes to whichever trait the situation needs more of.
4. Girls like to dog on science oriented guys, especially physicists, IT, and engineers, for being odd, nerdy, short on emotion and long on awkwardness. While true in many cases, I think I've been spoiled because most of the science-oriented gentlemen I've had the pleasure of knowing are some of my best friends who have the biggest hearts I've yet to know - they're just not as animated as other men, so they often get dismissed as a result. While the case may be made that my present position is secondary to my being a nerdy girl (thereby being on the same plane they are), I'm decently liberal arts oriented, and a girl above all else. I think that alone neutralizes the argument.
5. Men who are serious about dance have a higher incidence of being emotionally vague. I've seen it in two states, spanning multiple cities in both respective locales, and in multiple style-scenes (i.e. ballroom, country, swing, etc). It's hard to be friends when they're trying to decide if they remember you from one week to another, especially if they think they're a better dancer than you. The more skilled ones WILL flirt with any pretty girl, even if they're dating or are interested in someone else, so ladies, keep your wits about you. While I am tonge-in-cheek about this particular observation, it isn't always the case, and I can cite just as many cases for both. Dancers are like engineers, you just need to take them as they are.
6. They're just as scared as women, they're just as quirky as women, and they're just as human as women. Treat them like a human and not like a stereotype.
To be continued...
2. Poli Sci majors are the most entertaining conversationally, at least for me, because they love to talk about anything, I love to banter, and they're good sports about it.
3. Younger guys have more spirit, but older guys have more maturity and experience. There are a decent amount of pro's and con's to both, and I suppose the advantage goes to whichever trait the situation needs more of.
4. Girls like to dog on science oriented guys, especially physicists, IT, and engineers, for being odd, nerdy, short on emotion and long on awkwardness. While true in many cases, I think I've been spoiled because most of the science-oriented gentlemen I've had the pleasure of knowing are some of my best friends who have the biggest hearts I've yet to know - they're just not as animated as other men, so they often get dismissed as a result. While the case may be made that my present position is secondary to my being a nerdy girl (thereby being on the same plane they are), I'm decently liberal arts oriented, and a girl above all else. I think that alone neutralizes the argument.
5. Men who are serious about dance have a higher incidence of being emotionally vague. I've seen it in two states, spanning multiple cities in both respective locales, and in multiple style-scenes (i.e. ballroom, country, swing, etc). It's hard to be friends when they're trying to decide if they remember you from one week to another, especially if they think they're a better dancer than you. The more skilled ones WILL flirt with any pretty girl, even if they're dating or are interested in someone else, so ladies, keep your wits about you. While I am tonge-in-cheek about this particular observation, it isn't always the case, and I can cite just as many cases for both. Dancers are like engineers, you just need to take them as they are.
6. They're just as scared as women, they're just as quirky as women, and they're just as human as women. Treat them like a human and not like a stereotype.
To be continued...
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Lessons Learned from "Wuthering Heights"
I should be ashamed of myself... but I'm not. Yes, I will be reviewing this story based on the film version I recently tortured myself with.
1. One Bronte no equally the other. As much as I HATED reading Jane Eyre as a freshman in high school, I've decided that classic books of which I abhor the writing, I just need to watch the film version - so much more palatable than page-long run-on sentences that abuse the semicolon. Significance? I finally understood the story! It opened up the real world of Jane Eyre which I hadn't seen during my first introduction that I ended up absolutely loving the tale. So what happens when I run into Wuthering Heights? I watch the film version...and about stab myself because instead of run-on sentence abuse, there's the "Young and the Restless" of the 19th Century. Ironic juxtaposition, but I think the latter Bronte was crying out for help (maybe after actually reading her sister's story - she needed the film version).
2. Never date guys named Heathcliff - crazy name = crazier men, and crazier men revenge is a (insert your favorite negative adjective).
3. Self control is a good thing. I think if Kathy had had a little chit chat with Dorian Gray prior to her betrayal, she could have gleaned what happens when we throw our emotions around to whomever is in front of us. (and yes, I know those two books weren't contemporaries of one another).
4. Simple communication could have solved all of their problems, and cut this book down to a Cliffnotes sized pamphlet, or shorter.
1. One Bronte no equally the other. As much as I HATED reading Jane Eyre as a freshman in high school, I've decided that classic books of which I abhor the writing, I just need to watch the film version - so much more palatable than page-long run-on sentences that abuse the semicolon. Significance? I finally understood the story! It opened up the real world of Jane Eyre which I hadn't seen during my first introduction that I ended up absolutely loving the tale. So what happens when I run into Wuthering Heights? I watch the film version...and about stab myself because instead of run-on sentence abuse, there's the "Young and the Restless" of the 19th Century. Ironic juxtaposition, but I think the latter Bronte was crying out for help (maybe after actually reading her sister's story - she needed the film version).
2. Never date guys named Heathcliff - crazy name = crazier men, and crazier men revenge is a (insert your favorite negative adjective).
3. Self control is a good thing. I think if Kathy had had a little chit chat with Dorian Gray prior to her betrayal, she could have gleaned what happens when we throw our emotions around to whomever is in front of us. (and yes, I know those two books weren't contemporaries of one another).
4. Simple communication could have solved all of their problems, and cut this book down to a Cliffnotes sized pamphlet, or shorter.
Monday, November 23, 2009
When Reality Tempers Projections
The title of this sounds a great deal more dour than I intended, but it is what it is. My thoughts tonight were prompted by somethings I've observed and heard over the past few weeks at my clinical site.
My CI is co-owner of the chain of clinics I'm working at presently and he works very hard to promote their offices. He often tells me that a P.T. wears multiple hats, and being in his position, if they want to stay in business, he has to attend meetings, address this, address that, and work every connection he has to keep his referral base up.
I've been particularly interested in my CI and how he balances all of his hats (hat fetish potentially contributing - chew on that one if you know me that well) because I've considered co-owning a clinic in the future. This is the plan I've been telling everyone until today when the Lead Aide (who should be a therapist, in my opinion (don't worry, she's applying)) said something during a break as she was transferring the daily notes into the computer. She and I were discussing some things that need to be brought up to the other aides and how they need to come from my CI (being the head honcho), "but he's never here" she bemoaned.
This got me thinking.
It was kinda true. My CI is scant at times, though he's usually pretty good about being in the office. However, there are days he comes in late when we're short-handed from an "authoritative" and resource standpoint (only one other staff therapist at this particular clinic, and I'm not trained to administer ASTYM, which a good portion of our patients receive). This got me thinking about my last clinical rotation where the clinic owner (also a practicing P.T.) didn't take a steady caseload because she was always on the phone with people, traveling, or presenting.
Now there may come a time when I'll want to phase more out of the patient care realm and more into administrative (potentially another projection that may get tempered by reality), but not now or anytime soon. I like being in the fox holes too much at the present - that's where I instinctively want to be. I am a healer, not a desk jockey. Not to suggest that those in administrative roles don't have a large hand in healing (I mean, who else fights the bureaucratic battles that allows the fox holers to do what they do best), and I'd be lying if I said that I don't have a tendency to pick fights to allow those coming after me a chance to get their hands dirty... Everyone has their strengths, but mine is not playing nicely with PR. I'll probably eat those words later.
I'm also the type of person who has been thrown into so many situations that I think I can do everything, and do it right. However, my thinking has changed and it'll probably be a lot longer if and when I ever decide to co-own a clinic with someone. Funny how oft times we either voluntarily or are forced to make premature decisions and hope they pan out like we hope they ought to. There are lessons always to be learned, whether or not we get our ideal or dream situation, as no education is ever wasted. Guess that's the beauty about the dance that is life.
My CI is co-owner of the chain of clinics I'm working at presently and he works very hard to promote their offices. He often tells me that a P.T. wears multiple hats, and being in his position, if they want to stay in business, he has to attend meetings, address this, address that, and work every connection he has to keep his referral base up.
I've been particularly interested in my CI and how he balances all of his hats (hat fetish potentially contributing - chew on that one if you know me that well) because I've considered co-owning a clinic in the future. This is the plan I've been telling everyone until today when the Lead Aide (who should be a therapist, in my opinion (don't worry, she's applying)) said something during a break as she was transferring the daily notes into the computer. She and I were discussing some things that need to be brought up to the other aides and how they need to come from my CI (being the head honcho), "but he's never here" she bemoaned.
This got me thinking.
It was kinda true. My CI is scant at times, though he's usually pretty good about being in the office. However, there are days he comes in late when we're short-handed from an "authoritative" and resource standpoint (only one other staff therapist at this particular clinic, and I'm not trained to administer ASTYM, which a good portion of our patients receive). This got me thinking about my last clinical rotation where the clinic owner (also a practicing P.T.) didn't take a steady caseload because she was always on the phone with people, traveling, or presenting.
Now there may come a time when I'll want to phase more out of the patient care realm and more into administrative (potentially another projection that may get tempered by reality), but not now or anytime soon. I like being in the fox holes too much at the present - that's where I instinctively want to be. I am a healer, not a desk jockey. Not to suggest that those in administrative roles don't have a large hand in healing (I mean, who else fights the bureaucratic battles that allows the fox holers to do what they do best), and I'd be lying if I said that I don't have a tendency to pick fights to allow those coming after me a chance to get their hands dirty... Everyone has their strengths, but mine is not playing nicely with PR. I'll probably eat those words later.
I'm also the type of person who has been thrown into so many situations that I think I can do everything, and do it right. However, my thinking has changed and it'll probably be a lot longer if and when I ever decide to co-own a clinic with someone. Funny how oft times we either voluntarily or are forced to make premature decisions and hope they pan out like we hope they ought to. There are lessons always to be learned, whether or not we get our ideal or dream situation, as no education is ever wasted. Guess that's the beauty about the dance that is life.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Cracked.com summary of Twilight
Edited for language and some content from the original article, which was obviously written by a man, which makes it all that much more funny. Everything below the dotted line is from Cracked.com (http://www.cracked.com/funny-36-twilight/)
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The 'Twilight' series contains four books about a dreamy vampire and the charmingly klutzy girl who loves him. It was written by Stephanie Meyer, presumably on the back of a trapper keeper while she was still in high school.
Just The Facts
1. Too many people take these books seriously.
2. Taken together, the series is the 'Manos: The Hands of Fate' of literature.
3. Either because they love comedy or hate themselves, the winners of this week's Topics Page Contest read every word of the entire series.
Our Protagonists
The books tell the story of the vampire Edward Cullen, who is described as an "Adonis" no more than every time the author is able to, and Bella Swan, a "plain" girl who reads "serious" literature like Wuthering Heights because she's so intelligent. Also, she is much more advanced than the students in the school that she has just moved to, but that's okay, because she makes up for it by being clumsy, since every well-developed character needs exactly one (1) flaw.
Stylistic Choices
Stephanie Meyer's exemplary writing style is demonstrated in this conversation between Edward and our narrator Bella:
"Aren't you hungry?" he asked, distracted.
"No." I didn't feel like mentioning that my stomach was already full - full of butterflies.
Book One: Twilight
Despite being so plain, Bella is admired by everyone in her new hometown of Forks, Washington, especially Edward Cullen. Originally, Edward just wanted to eat her, but, disappointingly, realizes eventually that in fact what he is feeling is true love, and after a couple of days they start dating. After two or three weeks, Bella is begging him to turn her into a vampire because of true love.
This isn't made explicitly clear in the book, but Edward has been creeping into her room and watching her sleep every night since he met her. More on that later.
Also, Edward has mind-reading powers, except they don't work on Bella. This isn't really as big a part of the story as most people think it is, and in fact we can (and will) get away without ever mentioning it again.
A mere number of days after they begin dating, Edward takes her to the woods and reveals the real reason that vampires don't go out in the sun: they sparkle. This is the turning point in what until now has been just a bad book. Bella gasps and swoons, and Edward takes his shirt off to show her all of his glitter infection, and then they lie there chastely on the grass. The rest of the book is spent talking about true love and Edward's rock-hard abs. Kissing cold, marble, statuesque lips is apparently sexy.
Later, Bella kisses Edward so hard he almost "loses control", but luckily, as the man in the relationship, it's his duty to keep poor little overexcited Bella in line, so he tells her to stop kissing him.
Three hundred pages after "Oh, you like me too? No way, I thought you hated me!", the plot arrives late to the party, drunk, in a beat-up '53 Chevy pick-up truck. It drives away about fifty pages later and crashes into a tree, gets sent to the hospital, and is rarely heard from again throughout the course of the series.
Book Two: New Moon
Book Two begins with Bella angsting about reaching the old age of eighteen, which she worries will make her some sort of cradle-snatching freak because her boyfriend Edward is eternally seventeen. The fact that a 109-year-old vampire is sexually interested in an emotionally immature girl 90 years his junior apparently doesn't bother her. Edward cheers up Bella by giving her a mix tape. Unfortunately, later Edward changes his mind, takes back the mix tape, and dumps Bella. He leaves her in the forest by herself, and being a woman and thus without a sense of direction, she gets lost and almost dies.
Bella spends the rest of the book going crazy, imagining Edward's voice and partaking in ever more self-destructive activities. During this time she befriends Jacob Black, who turns out to be a werewolf but is still way better for her than Edward. She finally regains Edward's attention after she deliberately jumps off a cliff and almost dies. Edward, being a thirteen-year-old girl, thinks Bella has died and goes to Italy to commit suicide. He attempts to do this by exposing himself to the sun at noon in an Italian town. Since sunlight doesn't actually harm Twilight vampires, one must assume that Edward is hoping some macho Italians will see him in at full sparkle and beat him to death for being [...].
Bella teams up with Edward's sister Alice to rescue her ex from his emoness. After a crazy mix up that finds Bella and Edward temporarily in an Anne Rice novel, Edward reaccepts her.
This novel thus teaches two important lessons to young girls everywhere:
1) If a guy dumps you and says he doesn't love you anymore, he doesn't mean it. All you have to do is beg and destroy your life to prove that you really love him, and he'll come right back and love you even more!
2) It is perfectly cool to string along innocent but decent guys who are crushing on you and then dump them immediately as soon as your ex-boyfriend reappears, and totally normal if said ex-boyfriend forbids you from seeing your old friend. After all, your love for your ex must be far stronger, because he makes you feel 'alive' and 'dangerous' since he's always on the verge of killing you. And stalking you. We can't really mention that enough.
Book Three: Eclipse
The plot revolves around a villain from the first book, who is stalking Bella. But this is just a background to the real plot, which is about Edward stalking Bella. The book focuses on the choice Bella must make between Jacob Black and Edward Cullen, two tall, good-looking, devoted men with cool supernatural abilities. This is exactly the kind of problem that normal women face every day.
Halfway through, Stephenie Meyer realizes that Jacob Black is far cooler than Edward and performs a quick character assassination by having him [take advantage of] her. Bella punches him and runs away, but later discovers she loves him, which teaches us more lessons:
1) If a girl says she doesn't love you, just keep sexually assaulting her. Eventually she'll realize she likes it.
2) Leading two guys on for years because you 'love them both' is perfectly acceptable, as long as you feel really bad about it at some point.
All through this we learn more about more secondary characters, who like Alice and Jacob are far more interesting than either Edward or Bella. These include:
1) Edward's sister Rosalie, who performed a massacre that sounds like Kill Bill with vampires. Kill Bill! With vampires!!!
2) Edward's brother Jasper, who is old enough to have fought for the South, and used to take part in vampire turf wars. Vampire turf wars!!!!!!!!!
Normal Vampire Turf Wars:
Twilight Vampire Turf Wars:
Unfortunately, we only get about five pages each on these guys. This gives us more space for Bella and Edward to stare into each others' eyes and quote from Wuthering Heights, in a good example of the old 'mask the inadequacies of your own work by quoting from someone who could actually write' method.
Also, Bella thinks about vampires some more.
"It was childish, but I liked the idea that his lips would be the last good thing I would feel. Even more embarrassingly, something I would never say aloud, I wanted his venom to poison my system."
Ladies and gentlemen, meet Bella Swan: eighteen and already looking forward to death, she is the perfect role model for your young teenage girl. After an unintentionally hilarious end battle Bella and Edward decide to get married, bringing us to the end of yet another 700 pages without any [rolls in the hay].
Breaking Dawn: The One With The Vampire [Consummation of Marriage].
The newly-married Bella and Edward embark on their honeymoon, where Bella spends a lot of time getting Edward to make love to her. We like to think that he is afraid of this partly because he is afraid of hurting her with his super-strength.
There's also some blatant foreshadowing right around the time that the "Denali clan" is mentioned. Apparently it's illegal for vampires to have babies (and it's supposed to be impossible anyway) and if that rule is ever broken, the Italian Mafia Vampires from the second book will swoop down and kill the baby vampire and its family. Then Bella has a dream about a baby vampire sitting on a pile of deadified everyone-she-cares-about. We imagine that Meyer's editor had to cross out the "DUN DUN DUN" in the original manuscript.
Around this point, the reader is shocked and disturbed to find out that Stephenie Meyer is actually using vampirism to weave quite a skillful metaphor for adolescent fears about love and physical intimacy. Bella loves Edward so much that she is willing to give up her life for him. This desire, which seems unhealthy at first glance, is only possible because of her absolute trust in the fact that he would never willingly hurt her.
Before all that, though, Edward and Bella have another one of their annoying arguments. Vampires, especially Edward because he's so special, are supposed to be super-strong and primal, and Bella wants to have sex with Edward before he turns her into a vampire. Edward thinks it will hurt Bella. Bella says she doesn't care. We skip a couple pages.
Right before they have sex, Meyer remembers that she's writing out her fantasies for an audience now, and so she abruptly pulls a PG-13 "fade-to-black", disappointing any male Twilight fans who were hoping for a closer look at [Bella].
When Bella wakes up, she is covered in feathers because the sex was so rough and passionate that Edward bit a pillow. Then Edward points out that Bella is covered in bruises. She brushes off his concern and then the two of them whine about how unhappy they are now because they've made each other unhappy by being unhappy, and then we kind of stopped reading for a couple of minutes. But we learned a few more things:
1) It doesn't matter if he hurts you
2) He only did it because he loves you.
Excluding all the questionable sex, you might start to think that maybe this book isn't an entirely bad influence on teenage girls, with its 'don't go to bed with anyone unless he has proven that he loves you' message. And then Stephenie Meyer takes that trust, uses it to get your address and credit card numbers, and then breaks into your house and poisons your dog.
Long story short: Bella gets pregnant. It goes downhill from there.
After a bunch of vampire/werewolf crap that nobody cares about, Jacob, Edward and Edward's sister all gather around Bella waiting for Edward's doctor father to return so that he can help her birth the fast-growing demon spawn. Bella has one [fetching] job, which is to not mess up until the doctor arrives. Being an adorably klutzy flawed heroine, she can't manage it. She trips on her way to the bathroom, and the reader is treated to the sound of the placenta displacing (a 'muffled ripping sound'--thanks for the image, Meyer) and a description of Bella's bladder releasing, racehorse-like urine flowing down her legs and onto the floor and - oh wait, this is a Stephenie Meyer novel, so the heroine only does more delicate things. Like 'vomiting a fountain of blood'. No, we didn't make that part up.
With the baby suffocating, Edward & Co. decide to perform a vampire cesarean. Jacob takes some time off to write down 'Vampire Cesarean' as a possible future name for his punk band, and then races to Bella's side in time to hear her spine break.
Once again, we are not making this up.
Another shattering crack inside her body, the loudest yet... Her legs, which had been curled up in agony, now went limp, sprawling out in an unnatural way.
"Her spine," he choked in horror.
It's only implied, but we like to think Edward tries to cheer Bella up about the whole paralysis thing by saying 'Hey girl, at least we don't need an epidural!' Bella gurgles some more, and Jacob takes some time out of the birthing to randomly beat up Edward's sister. That's just how Jacob rolls. At some point, Edward rips open Bella's uterus and delivers the baby.
He rips open her uterus.
With his teeth.
Then stabs her with a vampire venom-filled syringe.
At this point the reader is filled with something not unlike calm relief. At least nothing, nothing in the world, could be more disturbing than this. Except, like, quasi-child porn or something. Luckily, of course, that would be entirely--
Then Jacob falls madly in love with the newborn baby girl.
No, we don't mean in the sense of 'Oh, I fell in love with that kitten the moment I saw it'. We mean in love love. Really, what we're trying to say--and let us know if you don't understand--is that Jacob the borderline rapist and the tiny baby vampire chest-burster are going to get married and have babies.
What Jacob did, Meyer explains, was "imprint" on the baby. Imprinting, in the Twilight universe, is what happens when a werewolf finds his soulmate. It means that the two of them are now destined to be together, no matter what. What if the girl is unwilling at first? Too bad, because she isn't any more! It's the psychic equivalent of GHB.
We must have misunderstood, though, because we found this quote from the author:
"They ended up being vampires in the way they are because I have strong opinions on free will. No matter what position you're in, you always have a choice. So I had these characters who were in a position where traditionally they would have been the bad guys, but, instead, they chose to be something different-a theme that has always been important to me."
Apparently Jacob is choosing to be a pedophile.
Meanwhile, newly de-babied Bella wakes up and describes being a vampire, which to us sounds an awful lot like being on shrooms.
"The brilliant light overhead was still blinding-bright, and yet I could plainly see the glowing strands of the filaments inside the bulb. I could see each color of the rainbow in the white light, and, at the very edge of the spectrum, an eighth color I had no name for. Behind the light, I could distinguish the individual grains in the dark wood ceiling above. In front of it, I could see the dust motes in the air, the sides the light touched, and the dark sides, distinct and separate. They spun like little planets, moving around each other in a celestial dance."
She then stared at her hands for forty minutes and announced "The real person is like, beneath the skin, dude."
Then there is explicit vampire sex. Well, not really, of course, because it's Twilight. We do, though, get the next 300 pages of sparkly boredom briefly livened up by Edward's brother Emmett implying that Edward is unable to satisfy his new wife. Edward reacts to this by playing the piano and wearing khakis, because that proves that he's straight.
Meanwhile, Bella has been transformed into the most beautifulest sparkly vampire lady ever omg!!!11! Everyone comments on how beautiful she's become, because just when you thought this book was already its own fan-fiction the author changes her Mary Sue character into a... well, we're not even sure where you go from there. Also, Bella names her child Renesmee, after her mother Rene and Edward's "mother" Esmee. Renesmee immediately sets out to be one of the creepiest things ever, and it's only made worse when everyone talks about how perfect she is.
Originally the Cullens are afraid that Vampire Bella will escape and eat people, but she proves to be remarkably compassionate and able to control herself more than any vampire ever because she is a special snowflake. Also on her first "hunt" she wears a cocktail dress, and she is able to do that because it is sexy and she is so in control of herself and totally not klutzy. We guess characters don't have to be flawed to be interesting, then, although we wouldn't know because we started falling asleep at about this point.
Anyway, Jacob is left to take care of the creepy daughter while Edward and Bella just run around and do whatever. Bella is furious when she finds out that he's nicknamed the little monster "Nessie", which we think is actually a really appropriate name. Bella does not seem to care that Jacob the Pedophile Date Rapist Werewolf is babysitting the Little Loch Ness Monster Vampire Baby from Hell.
Finally something happens, in the form of the Italian Vampire Mafia from the second book swooping down in order to kill the vampire baby and its family. SURPRISE! Curiously, although one of the vampires actually mentions the fact that modern weapons are effective against immortals, the Cullens forego stocking up on rocket launchers and instead decide to take a stand using only their vicious vampire fangs as weapons.
Oh, wait.
At this point, Edward's cooler siblings Alice and Jasper are like 'WTF, we are OUT of here' and run away to start a new life. The remaining vampires team up with the pedowolves for a glorious, bloody fight against the evil powers of vampire oppression, a vampiredammerung that lasts hundreds of pages and puts the most epic of Tolkien battles to blushing shame.
As well it should, because a lot of the vampires have special powers, like the X-Men. We know, you didn't think this story was going to be awesome, and you're so wrong, because--
The Cullens sit down with the Mafia Vampires and talk about their feelings for a while. The Mafia back down without a fight and head back to Anne Rice land, and Edward and Bella kiss. Also, Jacob has made Renesmee a bracelet. Did we mention that Renesmee somehow is going to grow rapidly to seventeen and then stop growing? Jacob is going to marry her, and she will be permanently underage.
[What the heck], Meyer.
Book Five: Midnight Sun (unreleased)
Midnight Sun is Twilight, but told from Edward's point of view. It's a disappointment. Not so much because it's bad, but because you find out exactly how many times Bella was close to being eaten. Also because of the breaking-into-her-room-every-night-to-watch-her-sleep-without-her-knowing thing. And you thought we were joking about the stalking.
Several other interesting things revealed in Midnight Sun:
* Edward's brother Jasper is actually a barely restrained killing machine who several times offers to kill Bella simply because she's bothering Edward. He therefore gets about four lines before we go back to Edward playing his piano.
* Up until he fell in love with Bella, Edward's sister Rosalie thought that he 'wasn't interested in girls at all'. So did we, Rosalie. So did we.
* Edward is fascinated by Bella because he can't read her thoughts. This phenomenom is apparently genetic, because Edward can't hear her father Charlie's thoughts either. Rumors of a future book involving a forbidden Edward/Charlie romance are so far unconfirmed.
Apart from this, the most interesting thing about the book is that the word 'chagrin' is used once every 29.3 pages. This record is broken only by Stephenie Meyer's latest book, released in April 2009 and entitled simply 'Chagrin Topaz Sparkles'.
Controversies
Alleged Sexism
Stephenie Meyer, the series' author, has been criticized for her portrayal of a weak, helpless female lead who falls madly in love with a man who wants to kill her. Others disagree and claim that the relationship has fair precedent, citing the common practice of marriages to incarcerated serial killers and the notorious original ending to the movie Terminator. This idea has been backed up by legions of the books' fans, prompting others of the female persuasion to attempt to forcibly remove their extra X chromosome.
Robert Pattinson
Unaware of the popularity of the book series or the insanity of its fanbase, the young actor signed on to play Edward Cullen in a three-movie contract deal in order to hit on to the lead actress. When he found out his mistake, Pattinson took to insulting the book and its author in interviews and appearing in public after long periods of not showering in order to avoid his fans. Of course, this didn't work. There is widespread speculation as to what Pattinson will try next, including possibly gaining 200 pounds and smearing his face with human excrement. We assume that Pattinson's agents are currently negotiating a deviation from the book in the second movie, in which Edward Cullen is unexpectedly killed by Lord Voldemort.
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http://www.cracked.com/funny-36-twilight/
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The 'Twilight' series contains four books about a dreamy vampire and the charmingly klutzy girl who loves him. It was written by Stephanie Meyer, presumably on the back of a trapper keeper while she was still in high school.
Just The Facts
1. Too many people take these books seriously.
2. Taken together, the series is the 'Manos: The Hands of Fate' of literature.
3. Either because they love comedy or hate themselves, the winners of this week's Topics Page Contest read every word of the entire series.
Our Protagonists
The books tell the story of the vampire Edward Cullen, who is described as an "Adonis" no more than every time the author is able to, and Bella Swan, a "plain" girl who reads "serious" literature like Wuthering Heights because she's so intelligent. Also, she is much more advanced than the students in the school that she has just moved to, but that's okay, because she makes up for it by being clumsy, since every well-developed character needs exactly one (1) flaw.
Stylistic Choices
Stephanie Meyer's exemplary writing style is demonstrated in this conversation between Edward and our narrator Bella:
"Aren't you hungry?" he asked, distracted.
"No." I didn't feel like mentioning that my stomach was already full - full of butterflies.
Book One: Twilight
Despite being so plain, Bella is admired by everyone in her new hometown of Forks, Washington, especially Edward Cullen. Originally, Edward just wanted to eat her, but, disappointingly, realizes eventually that in fact what he is feeling is true love, and after a couple of days they start dating. After two or three weeks, Bella is begging him to turn her into a vampire because of true love.
This isn't made explicitly clear in the book, but Edward has been creeping into her room and watching her sleep every night since he met her. More on that later.
Also, Edward has mind-reading powers, except they don't work on Bella. This isn't really as big a part of the story as most people think it is, and in fact we can (and will) get away without ever mentioning it again.
A mere number of days after they begin dating, Edward takes her to the woods and reveals the real reason that vampires don't go out in the sun: they sparkle. This is the turning point in what until now has been just a bad book. Bella gasps and swoons, and Edward takes his shirt off to show her all of his glitter infection, and then they lie there chastely on the grass. The rest of the book is spent talking about true love and Edward's rock-hard abs. Kissing cold, marble, statuesque lips is apparently sexy.
Later, Bella kisses Edward so hard he almost "loses control", but luckily, as the man in the relationship, it's his duty to keep poor little overexcited Bella in line, so he tells her to stop kissing him.
Three hundred pages after "Oh, you like me too? No way, I thought you hated me!", the plot arrives late to the party, drunk, in a beat-up '53 Chevy pick-up truck. It drives away about fifty pages later and crashes into a tree, gets sent to the hospital, and is rarely heard from again throughout the course of the series.
Book Two: New Moon
Book Two begins with Bella angsting about reaching the old age of eighteen, which she worries will make her some sort of cradle-snatching freak because her boyfriend Edward is eternally seventeen. The fact that a 109-year-old vampire is sexually interested in an emotionally immature girl 90 years his junior apparently doesn't bother her. Edward cheers up Bella by giving her a mix tape. Unfortunately, later Edward changes his mind, takes back the mix tape, and dumps Bella. He leaves her in the forest by herself, and being a woman and thus without a sense of direction, she gets lost and almost dies.
Bella spends the rest of the book going crazy, imagining Edward's voice and partaking in ever more self-destructive activities. During this time she befriends Jacob Black, who turns out to be a werewolf but is still way better for her than Edward. She finally regains Edward's attention after she deliberately jumps off a cliff and almost dies. Edward, being a thirteen-year-old girl, thinks Bella has died and goes to Italy to commit suicide. He attempts to do this by exposing himself to the sun at noon in an Italian town. Since sunlight doesn't actually harm Twilight vampires, one must assume that Edward is hoping some macho Italians will see him in at full sparkle and beat him to death for being [...].
Bella teams up with Edward's sister Alice to rescue her ex from his emoness. After a crazy mix up that finds Bella and Edward temporarily in an Anne Rice novel, Edward reaccepts her.
This novel thus teaches two important lessons to young girls everywhere:
1) If a guy dumps you and says he doesn't love you anymore, he doesn't mean it. All you have to do is beg and destroy your life to prove that you really love him, and he'll come right back and love you even more!
2) It is perfectly cool to string along innocent but decent guys who are crushing on you and then dump them immediately as soon as your ex-boyfriend reappears, and totally normal if said ex-boyfriend forbids you from seeing your old friend. After all, your love for your ex must be far stronger, because he makes you feel 'alive' and 'dangerous' since he's always on the verge of killing you. And stalking you. We can't really mention that enough.
Book Three: Eclipse
The plot revolves around a villain from the first book, who is stalking Bella. But this is just a background to the real plot, which is about Edward stalking Bella. The book focuses on the choice Bella must make between Jacob Black and Edward Cullen, two tall, good-looking, devoted men with cool supernatural abilities. This is exactly the kind of problem that normal women face every day.
Halfway through, Stephenie Meyer realizes that Jacob Black is far cooler than Edward and performs a quick character assassination by having him [take advantage of] her. Bella punches him and runs away, but later discovers she loves him, which teaches us more lessons:
1) If a girl says she doesn't love you, just keep sexually assaulting her. Eventually she'll realize she likes it.
2) Leading two guys on for years because you 'love them both' is perfectly acceptable, as long as you feel really bad about it at some point.
All through this we learn more about more secondary characters, who like Alice and Jacob are far more interesting than either Edward or Bella. These include:
1) Edward's sister Rosalie, who performed a massacre that sounds like Kill Bill with vampires. Kill Bill! With vampires!!!
2) Edward's brother Jasper, who is old enough to have fought for the South, and used to take part in vampire turf wars. Vampire turf wars!!!!!!!!!
Normal Vampire Turf Wars:
Twilight Vampire Turf Wars:
Unfortunately, we only get about five pages each on these guys. This gives us more space for Bella and Edward to stare into each others' eyes and quote from Wuthering Heights, in a good example of the old 'mask the inadequacies of your own work by quoting from someone who could actually write' method.
Also, Bella thinks about vampires some more.
"It was childish, but I liked the idea that his lips would be the last good thing I would feel. Even more embarrassingly, something I would never say aloud, I wanted his venom to poison my system."
Ladies and gentlemen, meet Bella Swan: eighteen and already looking forward to death, she is the perfect role model for your young teenage girl. After an unintentionally hilarious end battle Bella and Edward decide to get married, bringing us to the end of yet another 700 pages without any [rolls in the hay].
Breaking Dawn: The One With The Vampire [Consummation of Marriage].
The newly-married Bella and Edward embark on their honeymoon, where Bella spends a lot of time getting Edward to make love to her. We like to think that he is afraid of this partly because he is afraid of hurting her with his super-strength.
There's also some blatant foreshadowing right around the time that the "Denali clan" is mentioned. Apparently it's illegal for vampires to have babies (and it's supposed to be impossible anyway) and if that rule is ever broken, the Italian Mafia Vampires from the second book will swoop down and kill the baby vampire and its family. Then Bella has a dream about a baby vampire sitting on a pile of deadified everyone-she-cares-about. We imagine that Meyer's editor had to cross out the "DUN DUN DUN" in the original manuscript.
Around this point, the reader is shocked and disturbed to find out that Stephenie Meyer is actually using vampirism to weave quite a skillful metaphor for adolescent fears about love and physical intimacy. Bella loves Edward so much that she is willing to give up her life for him. This desire, which seems unhealthy at first glance, is only possible because of her absolute trust in the fact that he would never willingly hurt her.
Before all that, though, Edward and Bella have another one of their annoying arguments. Vampires, especially Edward because he's so special, are supposed to be super-strong and primal, and Bella wants to have sex with Edward before he turns her into a vampire. Edward thinks it will hurt Bella. Bella says she doesn't care. We skip a couple pages.
Right before they have sex, Meyer remembers that she's writing out her fantasies for an audience now, and so she abruptly pulls a PG-13 "fade-to-black", disappointing any male Twilight fans who were hoping for a closer look at [Bella].
When Bella wakes up, she is covered in feathers because the sex was so rough and passionate that Edward bit a pillow. Then Edward points out that Bella is covered in bruises. She brushes off his concern and then the two of them whine about how unhappy they are now because they've made each other unhappy by being unhappy, and then we kind of stopped reading for a couple of minutes. But we learned a few more things:
1) It doesn't matter if he hurts you
2) He only did it because he loves you.
Excluding all the questionable sex, you might start to think that maybe this book isn't an entirely bad influence on teenage girls, with its 'don't go to bed with anyone unless he has proven that he loves you' message. And then Stephenie Meyer takes that trust, uses it to get your address and credit card numbers, and then breaks into your house and poisons your dog.
Long story short: Bella gets pregnant. It goes downhill from there.
After a bunch of vampire/werewolf crap that nobody cares about, Jacob, Edward and Edward's sister all gather around Bella waiting for Edward's doctor father to return so that he can help her birth the fast-growing demon spawn. Bella has one [fetching] job, which is to not mess up until the doctor arrives. Being an adorably klutzy flawed heroine, she can't manage it. She trips on her way to the bathroom, and the reader is treated to the sound of the placenta displacing (a 'muffled ripping sound'--thanks for the image, Meyer) and a description of Bella's bladder releasing, racehorse-like urine flowing down her legs and onto the floor and - oh wait, this is a Stephenie Meyer novel, so the heroine only does more delicate things. Like 'vomiting a fountain of blood'. No, we didn't make that part up.
With the baby suffocating, Edward & Co. decide to perform a vampire cesarean. Jacob takes some time off to write down 'Vampire Cesarean' as a possible future name for his punk band, and then races to Bella's side in time to hear her spine break.
Once again, we are not making this up.
Another shattering crack inside her body, the loudest yet... Her legs, which had been curled up in agony, now went limp, sprawling out in an unnatural way.
"Her spine," he choked in horror.
It's only implied, but we like to think Edward tries to cheer Bella up about the whole paralysis thing by saying 'Hey girl, at least we don't need an epidural!' Bella gurgles some more, and Jacob takes some time out of the birthing to randomly beat up Edward's sister. That's just how Jacob rolls. At some point, Edward rips open Bella's uterus and delivers the baby.
He rips open her uterus.
With his teeth.
Then stabs her with a vampire venom-filled syringe.
At this point the reader is filled with something not unlike calm relief. At least nothing, nothing in the world, could be more disturbing than this. Except, like, quasi-child porn or something. Luckily, of course, that would be entirely--
Then Jacob falls madly in love with the newborn baby girl.
No, we don't mean in the sense of 'Oh, I fell in love with that kitten the moment I saw it'. We mean in love love. Really, what we're trying to say--and let us know if you don't understand--is that Jacob the borderline rapist and the tiny baby vampire chest-burster are going to get married and have babies.
What Jacob did, Meyer explains, was "imprint" on the baby. Imprinting, in the Twilight universe, is what happens when a werewolf finds his soulmate. It means that the two of them are now destined to be together, no matter what. What if the girl is unwilling at first? Too bad, because she isn't any more! It's the psychic equivalent of GHB.
We must have misunderstood, though, because we found this quote from the author:
"They ended up being vampires in the way they are because I have strong opinions on free will. No matter what position you're in, you always have a choice. So I had these characters who were in a position where traditionally they would have been the bad guys, but, instead, they chose to be something different-a theme that has always been important to me."
Apparently Jacob is choosing to be a pedophile.
Meanwhile, newly de-babied Bella wakes up and describes being a vampire, which to us sounds an awful lot like being on shrooms.
"The brilliant light overhead was still blinding-bright, and yet I could plainly see the glowing strands of the filaments inside the bulb. I could see each color of the rainbow in the white light, and, at the very edge of the spectrum, an eighth color I had no name for. Behind the light, I could distinguish the individual grains in the dark wood ceiling above. In front of it, I could see the dust motes in the air, the sides the light touched, and the dark sides, distinct and separate. They spun like little planets, moving around each other in a celestial dance."
She then stared at her hands for forty minutes and announced "The real person is like, beneath the skin, dude."
Then there is explicit vampire sex. Well, not really, of course, because it's Twilight. We do, though, get the next 300 pages of sparkly boredom briefly livened up by Edward's brother Emmett implying that Edward is unable to satisfy his new wife. Edward reacts to this by playing the piano and wearing khakis, because that proves that he's straight.
Meanwhile, Bella has been transformed into the most beautifulest sparkly vampire lady ever omg!!!11! Everyone comments on how beautiful she's become, because just when you thought this book was already its own fan-fiction the author changes her Mary Sue character into a... well, we're not even sure where you go from there. Also, Bella names her child Renesmee, after her mother Rene and Edward's "mother" Esmee. Renesmee immediately sets out to be one of the creepiest things ever, and it's only made worse when everyone talks about how perfect she is.
Originally the Cullens are afraid that Vampire Bella will escape and eat people, but she proves to be remarkably compassionate and able to control herself more than any vampire ever because she is a special snowflake. Also on her first "hunt" she wears a cocktail dress, and she is able to do that because it is sexy and she is so in control of herself and totally not klutzy. We guess characters don't have to be flawed to be interesting, then, although we wouldn't know because we started falling asleep at about this point.
Anyway, Jacob is left to take care of the creepy daughter while Edward and Bella just run around and do whatever. Bella is furious when she finds out that he's nicknamed the little monster "Nessie", which we think is actually a really appropriate name. Bella does not seem to care that Jacob the Pedophile Date Rapist Werewolf is babysitting the Little Loch Ness Monster Vampire Baby from Hell.
Finally something happens, in the form of the Italian Vampire Mafia from the second book swooping down in order to kill the vampire baby and its family. SURPRISE! Curiously, although one of the vampires actually mentions the fact that modern weapons are effective against immortals, the Cullens forego stocking up on rocket launchers and instead decide to take a stand using only their vicious vampire fangs as weapons.
Oh, wait.
At this point, Edward's cooler siblings Alice and Jasper are like 'WTF, we are OUT of here' and run away to start a new life. The remaining vampires team up with the pedowolves for a glorious, bloody fight against the evil powers of vampire oppression, a vampiredammerung that lasts hundreds of pages and puts the most epic of Tolkien battles to blushing shame.
As well it should, because a lot of the vampires have special powers, like the X-Men. We know, you didn't think this story was going to be awesome, and you're so wrong, because--
The Cullens sit down with the Mafia Vampires and talk about their feelings for a while. The Mafia back down without a fight and head back to Anne Rice land, and Edward and Bella kiss. Also, Jacob has made Renesmee a bracelet. Did we mention that Renesmee somehow is going to grow rapidly to seventeen and then stop growing? Jacob is going to marry her, and she will be permanently underage.
[What the heck], Meyer.
Book Five: Midnight Sun (unreleased)
Midnight Sun is Twilight, but told from Edward's point of view. It's a disappointment. Not so much because it's bad, but because you find out exactly how many times Bella was close to being eaten. Also because of the breaking-into-her-room-every-night-to-watch-her-sleep-without-her-knowing thing. And you thought we were joking about the stalking.
Several other interesting things revealed in Midnight Sun:
* Edward's brother Jasper is actually a barely restrained killing machine who several times offers to kill Bella simply because she's bothering Edward. He therefore gets about four lines before we go back to Edward playing his piano.
* Up until he fell in love with Bella, Edward's sister Rosalie thought that he 'wasn't interested in girls at all'. So did we, Rosalie. So did we.
* Edward is fascinated by Bella because he can't read her thoughts. This phenomenom is apparently genetic, because Edward can't hear her father Charlie's thoughts either. Rumors of a future book involving a forbidden Edward/Charlie romance are so far unconfirmed.
Apart from this, the most interesting thing about the book is that the word 'chagrin' is used once every 29.3 pages. This record is broken only by Stephenie Meyer's latest book, released in April 2009 and entitled simply 'Chagrin Topaz Sparkles'.
Controversies
Alleged Sexism
Stephenie Meyer, the series' author, has been criticized for her portrayal of a weak, helpless female lead who falls madly in love with a man who wants to kill her. Others disagree and claim that the relationship has fair precedent, citing the common practice of marriages to incarcerated serial killers and the notorious original ending to the movie Terminator. This idea has been backed up by legions of the books' fans, prompting others of the female persuasion to attempt to forcibly remove their extra X chromosome.
Robert Pattinson
Unaware of the popularity of the book series or the insanity of its fanbase, the young actor signed on to play Edward Cullen in a three-movie contract deal in order to hit on to the lead actress. When he found out his mistake, Pattinson took to insulting the book and its author in interviews and appearing in public after long periods of not showering in order to avoid his fans. Of course, this didn't work. There is widespread speculation as to what Pattinson will try next, including possibly gaining 200 pounds and smearing his face with human excrement. We assume that Pattinson's agents are currently negotiating a deviation from the book in the second movie, in which Edward Cullen is unexpectedly killed by Lord Voldemort.
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Tuesday, October 27, 2009
The Quote Board:
Quotes taken from friends and various forms of media that I just love. Enjoy.
"Friendly and humanitarian
Honest and loyal
Original and inventive
Independent and intellectual"
"You are a naughty word!" - Jen Nordyke
"Don't play me like I don't know you and what you're capable of." - Taylor Nuttall in ref to our Scrabble game.
"I'm not going to let you bust my bubble with facts and knowledge." - Dale Friesen "My grammar isnt sucks." "well you mind his mind and I'll drive 26 hours and take care of his behaviour." "I am respectful, but it's not something I "be""
[Dedicated photographers] make luck a consistent part of their work by being at the right place at the right moment, being technically proficient and able to anticipate, translate and use the light to their purposes. - paraphrase of a statement by Galen Rowell
"Humility is the realization that not everything that happens in life is all about you." - Rabbi Kushner
"Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is no longer an option." - PJ O'Rourke
"Rudeness is a weak man's imitation of strength" - Eric Hoffer
"Is not general incivility the very essence of love?" - Jane Austen
"Charrrred fing-aaahhs" - Crow T. Robot, MST3K's "Manos, Hands of Fate"
"Learning doesn't always feel good." - Dr. Lebec
"I look at patients like a campsite....I leave them exactly the way I found them." - Dr. Warren
"I believe the best test of our integrity and honesty is when we personally enforce in our own lives that which ultimately cannot be enforced." - David A. Bednar
"Is it bad if you can't see?" - Holly calling me after her..."accident"
"Hey, we're not baking cookies, coach." - PJ Rovinelli
"I read about it on the internet" - one of Dylan Westfall's main modes of information.
"Yeah, if it works, it works really well, but if it doesn't, then you end up playing with two sticks." - Dylan Westfall
"I didn't get shot, the bullet just ended up there. Why do you laugh? I bet McPOIL doesn't have stories about getting shot!" - Dr. Warren
"Hey, just out of curiosity, were you ever shot?" Kate to Dr. McPoil
"It's old. Old, old, old. It's got pillars and old things" - Dr. Warren describing Johns Hopkins.
"Life's good, huh?" - McPoil
"It's a cute little muscle" - Dr. Cornwall
"He's not a world class athlete like the cameraman." - Dr. DeRosa covering for Jim Porterfield
"Logic says..." - McKenzie via DeRosa
"Walking has been associated with social acceptance" - Dr. Carter
"That stuff takes so long! It leaves you standing in the bathroom, naked, with nothing to do." - Holly Goodman, venting about a special shampoo.
"Oxygen delivery is the delivery of oxygen" - Dr. Warren
"then we made out like bandits because bandits make out a lot with each other in a very banditly fashion. yeah add that one to your quote wall[!]" - James Taylor
"I don't really feel like teaching yet, so I'll ease you into this story." - Dr. Lebec
"And by 'we', I mean me and the slide." - Dr. Ganley
"And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once." - Friedrich Nietzsche.
Jen: "Seriously... today she call me out of the blue this was our conversation..."
Kate: (laughs)
Jen:
"Hello.
Jen, it's me Lilly.
Hi Lilly
I love you jen
I love you too Lilly
Jen please come to my house tomorrow.
I can't I have to work
I'm more important so you need to"
Kate: (laughs even more)
"I think that should be one of our conversaitons."
Jen: "For sure!!!
Hello?
Kate it's me jen
Hi jen
Please come to my house soon
I have to work
Kate I'm more important please come!"
Dr. Lydgate: "If I could reveal something about the primitive tissue that underlies all life - you, me, a song thrush, Rosamond Vincy - that's what excites me, Farebrother."
Farebrother: "Have you told her this?"
Dr. Lydgate: "Oh no, of course not, she's a woman." - From George Eliot's "Middlemarch"
"I keel you!" - Ahkmed
"That's just my style - JAAAZZZYYYYYY" - Jake Lashot...
Direct transcript of an exchange I recently had with Sean Varga who was calming a 6 wk old child:
Kate: has he been fed? diaper changed? have you tried walking him?
Sean: yep....in law gave t[o] me because everything else failled
Kate: when's his bed time?
Sean: he won't sleep. he woke up from bed time, and is now thinking me as one to lactate. that feels weird"
"sick! wallpaper is satins way of adding sin to walls.
wall papers= eternal damnation" - Mo.
"Sometimes, there are things that aren't meant to be explained by words and reasoning, but are felt and understood just the same."
"Intelligence isn't a crime, it's a gift with a heavy price."
"Mark Twain said, 'the height of vanity is to try to write before you have ever lived', it is very refreshing, for me, to have a moment with someone that is not afraid to do both." - Brian, a photography acquaintance
"One day you will find someone to love you as you deserve." - Lady Russell from the new BBC version of "Persuasion"
"I'm mentally obese..." H. Nathan Hoffman
"Did you notice I'm balancing on the ball? That's provocative. Think about it."
"So I was like...hey..." - Megan Garcia
"But you tell me if he mistreats you in any way!! 'cause his ass will be grass!!" - Melissa Arizola
"Kate, just because there is a goalie, doesn't mean you can't score. ;-)" - JJ Campbell
"The Red Wings are the New York Yankees of hockey. I hate them" - Dale Friesen
"Really, mother, banana pudding without vanilla waffers is just another of your culinary abortions [pushes the bowl off his high chair] Now clean that up." - Stewie from Family Guy.
"Well ain't this place just a geographical oddity - two weeks from everywhere" - O Brother, Where Art Thou
"Friendly and humanitarian
Honest and loyal
Original and inventive
Independent and intellectual"
"You are a naughty word!" - Jen Nordyke
"Don't play me like I don't know you and what you're capable of." - Taylor Nuttall in ref to our Scrabble game.
"I'm not going to let you bust my bubble with facts and knowledge." - Dale Friesen "My grammar isnt sucks." "well you mind his mind and I'll drive 26 hours and take care of his behaviour." "I am respectful, but it's not something I "be""
[Dedicated photographers] make luck a consistent part of their work by being at the right place at the right moment, being technically proficient and able to anticipate, translate and use the light to their purposes. - paraphrase of a statement by Galen Rowell
"Humility is the realization that not everything that happens in life is all about you." - Rabbi Kushner
"Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is no longer an option." - PJ O'Rourke
"Rudeness is a weak man's imitation of strength" - Eric Hoffer
"Is not general incivility the very essence of love?" - Jane Austen
"Charrrred fing-aaahhs" - Crow T. Robot, MST3K's "Manos, Hands of Fate"
"Learning doesn't always feel good." - Dr. Lebec
"I look at patients like a campsite....I leave them exactly the way I found them." - Dr. Warren
"I believe the best test of our integrity and honesty is when we personally enforce in our own lives that which ultimately cannot be enforced." - David A. Bednar
"Is it bad if you can't see?" - Holly calling me after her..."accident"
"Hey, we're not baking cookies, coach." - PJ Rovinelli
"I read about it on the internet" - one of Dylan Westfall's main modes of information.
"Yeah, if it works, it works really well, but if it doesn't, then you end up playing with two sticks." - Dylan Westfall
"I didn't get shot, the bullet just ended up there. Why do you laugh? I bet McPOIL doesn't have stories about getting shot!" - Dr. Warren
"Hey, just out of curiosity, were you ever shot?" Kate to Dr. McPoil
"It's old. Old, old, old. It's got pillars and old things" - Dr. Warren describing Johns Hopkins.
"Life's good, huh?" - McPoil
"It's a cute little muscle" - Dr. Cornwall
"He's not a world class athlete like the cameraman." - Dr. DeRosa covering for Jim Porterfield
"Logic says..." - McKenzie via DeRosa
"Walking has been associated with social acceptance" - Dr. Carter
"That stuff takes so long! It leaves you standing in the bathroom, naked, with nothing to do." - Holly Goodman, venting about a special shampoo.
"Oxygen delivery is the delivery of oxygen" - Dr. Warren
"then we made out like bandits because bandits make out a lot with each other in a very banditly fashion. yeah add that one to your quote wall[!]" - James Taylor
"I don't really feel like teaching yet, so I'll ease you into this story." - Dr. Lebec
"And by 'we', I mean me and the slide." - Dr. Ganley
"And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once." - Friedrich Nietzsche.
Jen: "Seriously... today she call me out of the blue this was our conversation..."
Kate: (laughs)
Jen:
"Hello.
Jen, it's me Lilly.
Hi Lilly
I love you jen
I love you too Lilly
Jen please come to my house tomorrow.
I can't I have to work
I'm more important so you need to"
Kate: (laughs even more)
"I think that should be one of our conversaitons."
Jen: "For sure!!!
Hello?
Kate it's me jen
Hi jen
Please come to my house soon
I have to work
Kate I'm more important please come!"
Dr. Lydgate: "If I could reveal something about the primitive tissue that underlies all life - you, me, a song thrush, Rosamond Vincy - that's what excites me, Farebrother."
Farebrother: "Have you told her this?"
Dr. Lydgate: "Oh no, of course not, she's a woman." - From George Eliot's "Middlemarch"
"I keel you!" - Ahkmed
"That's just my style - JAAAZZZYYYYYY" - Jake Lashot...
Direct transcript of an exchange I recently had with Sean Varga who was calming a 6 wk old child:
Kate: has he been fed? diaper changed? have you tried walking him?
Sean: yep....in law gave t[o] me because everything else failled
Kate: when's his bed time?
Sean: he won't sleep. he woke up from bed time, and is now thinking me as one to lactate. that feels weird"
"sick! wallpaper is satins way of adding sin to walls.
wall papers= eternal damnation" - Mo.
"Sometimes, there are things that aren't meant to be explained by words and reasoning, but are felt and understood just the same."
"Intelligence isn't a crime, it's a gift with a heavy price."
"Mark Twain said, 'the height of vanity is to try to write before you have ever lived', it is very refreshing, for me, to have a moment with someone that is not afraid to do both." - Brian, a photography acquaintance
"One day you will find someone to love you as you deserve." - Lady Russell from the new BBC version of "Persuasion"
"I'm mentally obese..." H. Nathan Hoffman
"Did you notice I'm balancing on the ball? That's provocative. Think about it."
"So I was like...hey..." - Megan Garcia
"But you tell me if he mistreats you in any way!! 'cause his ass will be grass!!" - Melissa Arizola
"Kate, just because there is a goalie, doesn't mean you can't score. ;-)" - JJ Campbell
"The Red Wings are the New York Yankees of hockey. I hate them" - Dale Friesen
"Really, mother, banana pudding without vanilla waffers is just another of your culinary abortions [pushes the bowl off his high chair] Now clean that up." - Stewie from Family Guy.
"Well ain't this place just a geographical oddity - two weeks from everywhere" - O Brother, Where Art Thou
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Reminiscence
I was recently conversing with a friend about her particular situation with the men in her life and something she said struck me in an odd way. In reference to the favorite of her "options," as she termed it, she quite flatly said "I know he'll break my heart" because of what she sensed as indifference toward her emanating from him. I honestly didn't know how to respond to her declaration (I mean, I'm a hopeful/optimistic person, and for her sake I wanted to be reassuring). It was one of those weird situations, I guess, where you have to be the individual in question in order to fully understand the whole issue, and I got the sense that she truly meant what she said. It broke my own heart to a small degree as the gravity of the scene sunk in, somehow causing my temporal lobe to remind me of the first time my heart was broken by a boy I loved. (And also by strange happenstance, "Un bel di vedremo" from Madame Butterfly just popped up on my playlist - how appropo).
No... you read that right - I did truly love once. Yes, it may be hard to believe coming from a virgin-lipped 25 yr old, but physical displays of affection aren't necessarily indicative of what's occurring between two people. Not going to lie, it'd be nice, but not requisite. I was young, about 18...and I was lead down a wonderful, yet torturous path that taught me a great deal about myself that I never thought possible. Even now, it still pangs a little, but the sting and throb have long since subsided and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
I guess if I had to say something to my friend, in retrospect, it would be, "Be brave." The joys and pains from the attachments we make in this life are special, as they teach us, mold and refine us. They concurrently show us our frailties and our strengths, and the true power of that crazy little thing called Love. A newly broken heart is an oddly useful thing, as I sit here and reminisce about it. Yes, it's painful, horrid, and dirty, but it's the badge of honor worn by those unafraid to give of themselves, dedicated to a cause they were truly invested in.
I wish I could say that I'm always fearless when I approach new potential relationships now, but even though I can't (yes, I still get scared, second-guess myself and HIM, go through brief flares of jealous anger followed by quiet self-reproach, the whole gambit), I know that wounds do heal and that with each "failure" comes a rededication to a cause higher than oneself.
Hm...
Maybe I should have my heart broken more regularly....
No... you read that right - I did truly love once. Yes, it may be hard to believe coming from a virgin-lipped 25 yr old, but physical displays of affection aren't necessarily indicative of what's occurring between two people. Not going to lie, it'd be nice, but not requisite. I was young, about 18...and I was lead down a wonderful, yet torturous path that taught me a great deal about myself that I never thought possible. Even now, it still pangs a little, but the sting and throb have long since subsided and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
I guess if I had to say something to my friend, in retrospect, it would be, "Be brave." The joys and pains from the attachments we make in this life are special, as they teach us, mold and refine us. They concurrently show us our frailties and our strengths, and the true power of that crazy little thing called Love. A newly broken heart is an oddly useful thing, as I sit here and reminisce about it. Yes, it's painful, horrid, and dirty, but it's the badge of honor worn by those unafraid to give of themselves, dedicated to a cause they were truly invested in.
I wish I could say that I'm always fearless when I approach new potential relationships now, but even though I can't (yes, I still get scared, second-guess myself and HIM, go through brief flares of jealous anger followed by quiet self-reproach, the whole gambit), I know that wounds do heal and that with each "failure" comes a rededication to a cause higher than oneself.
Hm...
Maybe I should have my heart broken more regularly....
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
The Struggle of Modesty
Modesty is a topic that I don't think is ever given the consideration it deserves. Honestly, when you think of modesty, I dare someone to please tell me their thoughts include MORE than just long-length clothing. As with most things, there's a spirit of the law in addition to the letter of the law, which I believe stems from love.
If you love yourself, you'll respect yourself. Respect for self doesn't involved wearing the least amount of fabric possible, yes, but moving past that, it takes in thought, word, and action. (And I'll ask you to think a little broader than the common defininition of "humble"). It sends a clarion call for a higher degree of propriety from the individual, to be exhibited by respect for self, others, and social decency.
This post will remain brief for the time being, but clothing is just the beginning, my friends. Like most things superficially simple, underneath extends a labyrinth of deeper considerations and effects. So ponder on that, and in the mean time, let me know your thoughts, both con as well as pro.
If you love yourself, you'll respect yourself. Respect for self doesn't involved wearing the least amount of fabric possible, yes, but moving past that, it takes in thought, word, and action. (And I'll ask you to think a little broader than the common defininition of "humble"). It sends a clarion call for a higher degree of propriety from the individual, to be exhibited by respect for self, others, and social decency.
This post will remain brief for the time being, but clothing is just the beginning, my friends. Like most things superficially simple, underneath extends a labyrinth of deeper considerations and effects. So ponder on that, and in the mean time, let me know your thoughts, both con as well as pro.
Sunday, October 04, 2009
Face time
I was planning on musing about modesty this week, but in light of recent events, all I shall say is this.
Life is too short to live by pretenses. You know you've been thinking about calling someone, be it a loved one or a friend... just call them this week. Genuine love and caring, regardless of whether or not you think it's awkward, is still genuine love and caring.
It doesn't matter. Yeah, they may chide or ridicule you, but it'll be better than if you didn't call at all. I promise.
Much lub this week =)
Life is too short to live by pretenses. You know you've been thinking about calling someone, be it a loved one or a friend... just call them this week. Genuine love and caring, regardless of whether or not you think it's awkward, is still genuine love and caring.
It doesn't matter. Yeah, they may chide or ridicule you, but it'll be better than if you didn't call at all. I promise.
Much lub this week =)
Thursday, October 01, 2009
The Joys of Horsemanship
Recently I noticed a friend of mine's Facebook status that mentioned she had recently gone horseback riding and how good it felt to be back in the saddle. I was jealous. Enviously jealous. I love riding and it's been about 2 years since I've been in the saddle myself and I miss it dearly. But it got me thinking about riding and all of the benefits that come from it. Although, in the immortal words of my friend, Brad Fox, "But I can do ____ and get the same result and it's so much easier," there is a bit of an expense but if you look across the time v. money spectrum, you'd be hard pressed to find something that didn't "cost" you something somewhere.
Riding is a terrific activity for people of all ages, whether you dream of competing for an international dressage title, intercollegiate equestrian teams, showing locally, or are content with the recreational aspects. It goes without question, though, that the horse is one of the main athletic competitors in the ring. However, just as a pitcher and catcher create an indispensable “battery unit” in baseball, the same goes for a horse and his rider in equestrian events. One cannot perform properly without the other, especially when the fitness of both parties is involved. While the physical condition of the horse is specifically focused upon for obvious reasons, the training of a rider in preparation to exercise, practice, and compete must not be overlooked.
Riding is a terrific activity for people of all ages, whether you dream of competing for an international dressage title, intercollegiate equestrian teams, showing locally, or are content with the recreational aspects. It goes without question, though, that the horse is one of the main athletic competitors in the ring. However, just as a pitcher and catcher create an indispensable “battery unit” in baseball, the same goes for a horse and his rider in equestrian events. One cannot perform properly without the other, especially when the fitness of both parties is involved. While the physical condition of the horse is specifically focused upon for obvious reasons, the training of a rider in preparation to exercise, practice, and compete must not be overlooked.
The especial unity of horse and rider depends on both being alert and prepared. An integrally important part of that preparation stems from being physically fit. Beginning riders will note (and more experienced ones will fondly remember) this, particularly after leaving the stables with sore thighs and rears from trying to maintain a sitting trot or the initial awkwardness of the posting rhythm.
- At the base of any fitness program is the need for energy. Just as a sluggish mount hinders the workout and learning process, so will a sluggish horseman, and thus a proper nutrition regiment must be implemented. Physicians, dietitians, the U.S Food and Drug Administration (http://www.fda.gov) and the recently redeveloped U.S. Department of Agriculture’s food pyramids (http://www.mypyramid.gov) are extremely helpful in outlining individual nutritional needs.
- Good flexibility is needed when performing any athletic activity (equestrian included). Flexibility aids in preventing injuries to joint capsules and muscle strains when doing sudden, forceful motions. This is especially true in mounting in regards to the knee joint, as well the hamstring, quadricep, and calf muscles in providing the ability to create more power and ease when pulling up into the saddle. Increasing flexibility thru slow, sustained stretching reduces the frequency and likelihood of strained muscles and some knee problems that may develop. It is important to note that stretching proves most beneficial when performed after a brief, proper warm-up.
- Muscular strength plays an important role when doing such activities as mounting, posting, and balancing and stabilizing on stirrups and a moving horse. Yes, gripping the saddle can help in some circumstances, but muscles are the main workers. Strength is the ability to exert a force, and is accomplished through contraction of muscle tissue. The types of muscle contractions involved with equestrian activities are concentric (actively shortening of the muscle), eccentric (actively lengthening of the muscle), and isometric (actively contracting without movement). Concentric and eccentric contractions are examples of what happens in muscles during posting and isometric contractions help with stabilization. Strength training increases lean body mass (muscle, organs, water, bones, essential fat, etc), and increases the working potential of muscles. Fundamentally, muscular strength has its foundations in core exercises, such as bench press and power cleans, and fine-tuned with supplementary exercises, such as sit-ups and inner thigh (adductor) cross overs.
- While working on core exercises, though, it is important for riders to develop their core stability to aid in not only their strength workout, but more so to aid in dynamic balancing and posture while on horseback. The core of the body, defined as the lumbo-pelvic-hip complex, is considered to be where our center of gravity resides, and where most body movements begin. A strong, but flexible core gives the body a more balanced dynamic base from which to draw its movements, ergo why it’s critical for riders to develop and improve it. Basic core stabilizing exercises can be accomplished with and without a medicine ball. A medicine ball is good to have to improve dynamic muscle stabilization, and increase the reaction of muscle contractions to help offset impending imbalance if exercises are performed properly.
- In addition to muscular strength and core stability, muscular endurance is another factor that is an essential part of riding fitness. Endurance is the ability to exert a force for a given period of time. When posting for a long period of time, holding any position on horseback, or balancing on a long canter requires muscular endurance and likewise an efficient recovery system from the effects of endurance bouts. There are three kinds of endurance: speed-explosive, anaerobic (work without oxygen), and aerobic (work with oxygen). Anaerobic and aerobic endurance are the two most utilized in equestrian activities.
While these are a few suggestions to help improve riding performance, there are a few more to take into consideration. Be sure to consult a physician before engaging in this kind of physical development activity – he will be able to help you with where to start, give nutrition cousel, and notify you of any health restrictions and/or precautions. Likewise, he may give ideas of exercises and proper instruction as to how to perform them for strength training, muscular endurance, and core stability. A physician may also refer to a physical therapist, athletic trainer, personal trainer, or any other appropriate professionals to give more complete help with these aspects, especially with the youth and senior participants, as their specifications and requirements are slightly different.
It’s apparent that there’s much to be said about physical fitness, even in the rider’s realm. Good luck and enjoy developing the skills and techniques of riding. Be astute, and have fun.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Forest for the Saplings
My mother told me a story today about a 3rd grade class at her school who I find myself wanting very much to meet. They read a story this year about a girl who was half-Caucasian and half-Native American that introduced the children to what life is like where traditions and social norms have been upset. I wasn't given particulars of the story, but the only thing the girl has in her possession is her "sack of promises", which consists of memories and items that mean something to her, that define who she is and where she comes from.
The teacher of this 3rd grade class challenged her students to go home and bring back their own sacks of promises (items that mean something to them, the 6 or so things that they'd take from a burning house, etc). The teacher was tentative secondary to her experience with this assignment with her class last year, who brought in more banal items, like candy, etc. However, this current group of children surprised her.
One student, who my mother described as "ADHD to the max", pulled a flower from his sack. As he pondered it in his hands, he told of a time when he was in a field filled with blossoms. Twirling it between his fingers, he went on to explain that this flower meant something to him because it was the only one of its kind, and it reminded him that, like this flower, he was an individual.
Another student's sack contained two coins, one foreign and the other domestic. The first coin was from Uzbekistan, reminding him of the place he was born and the orphanage he was from. The second coin was from the US, representative of the opportunities that he now has available to him.
And those were just two.
All I could think as my mother related this to me was "How amazing..." My mind immediately began to light up and I became excited for this group of students who have such insights into themselves and humanity at such an age. It's been a long time since I've come across a young one which such an awareness, and it refreshes me. Now all I have to do is hope and pray they don't lose this ability to see the forest beyond the trees.
The teacher of this 3rd grade class challenged her students to go home and bring back their own sacks of promises (items that mean something to them, the 6 or so things that they'd take from a burning house, etc). The teacher was tentative secondary to her experience with this assignment with her class last year, who brought in more banal items, like candy, etc. However, this current group of children surprised her.
One student, who my mother described as "ADHD to the max", pulled a flower from his sack. As he pondered it in his hands, he told of a time when he was in a field filled with blossoms. Twirling it between his fingers, he went on to explain that this flower meant something to him because it was the only one of its kind, and it reminded him that, like this flower, he was an individual.
Another student's sack contained two coins, one foreign and the other domestic. The first coin was from Uzbekistan, reminding him of the place he was born and the orphanage he was from. The second coin was from the US, representative of the opportunities that he now has available to him.
And those were just two.
All I could think as my mother related this to me was "How amazing..." My mind immediately began to light up and I became excited for this group of students who have such insights into themselves and humanity at such an age. It's been a long time since I've come across a young one which such an awareness, and it refreshes me. Now all I have to do is hope and pray they don't lose this ability to see the forest beyond the trees.
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